I've never posted on here before but hopefully someone will be able to help me work through this
My DH has always been stressy and has a very stressful job (own business long hours but his own company and what he's always wanted to do)
Every so often we will have an episode ehere he is stressed and doesn't say anything til over something trivial he explodes and says all kinds of horrid things (which he later admits he doesn't mean, just says in heat of the moment)
Then afterwards he thinks nothing of it and carry a on as normal, but I always remember everything and can't help but worry about next time
We have 2 DC, 4 and 6 mths. Since no 1 it has been ocaddionslly stressful as I went part time at work and work a bit for DH company (something I've never done before and don't completely know what I'm doing but thought was doing ok, there are somethings outstanding but need him to help me with, but get told I can't do things and should get sacked, which might be better but I want to contribute and be part of it)
I like the house to be clean and tidy, washing done, home made food etc, so try my hardest to stay on top of things and usually do unless we have a bad day. The house has always been an issue that I get nagged about, DH does nothing but that's fair enough as he does long hours but I just wish I could mKe him see that looking after two children is a job in itself and can be hard, yes I get to go out and do stuff with them and take to groups etc, but I don't do anything for myself really and am always on 'duty'. He is mega stressed at the moment but bottles it all up and shouts about things like cleaning rather than talk about the problem, telling me I'm not organised and incapable of helping him by managing the house. There is now extra stress as relative has got to have emergency operation next week and is all uncertain til we know results of that
Trouble is anything I say goes on deaf ears or starts an argument. This morning resulted in him throwing things and breaking stuff, while I was BF little one and just before other one got up
The more I try and talk the more it's like putting fuel on the fire , it's like he needs to burst into tears and be told it's alright but that just isn't his style
I feel like I have turned into a doormat and just take any threats thrown at me, maybe I should have said years ago ok then I'll go when he threatens to leave, but I know ultimately that isn't what he'd want and when things get ok again it's all fine and he starts talking about next years holiday etc, as if nothing happened, plus we have two lovely children and are generally happy together, it's just that I'm the only person he lets see the cross side unless he's really on one, so can't get anyone else to tell him he's got things out of proportion without making him more angry about having told people his business
I know people may just say LTB, but that would be the worst thing at the moment with everything that is happening, I just need a way to get him to see things from my point if view that I am constantly looking after everyone, cleaning, tidying etc
After having DC2 things went back to normal overnight with me doing everything and probably too much, and if I ever asked for help I was told I wSnt coping, when actually I was Coping really well as my family is miles away
I think we could do with some kind of counselling, but he would never go, hates anyone else knowing his business, plus if no one else knows it's like it justified the explosions. A few years ago I called his bluff about divorcing and arranged to go somewhere earlier than planned in my own with dc1, then he said that by telling someone is made it 'real' as he didn't mean it was just ranting
I can't keep doing this but don't know what to do, I just wish I could have a conversation and make him see what I can see and he's being unreasonable and that I do try so hard to do everything,
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
It can't just be me is it???
noname1233 · 28/08/2016 12:49
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