I felt like I needed to name change for this one. Sorry this is long.
I found out something awful about my lovely, lovely boyfriend and I can't get my head round it. I can't face talking to anyone in real life.
For what it's worth I'll give the background first. We've been together 2 years. He moved in three months ago. It's been wonderful, and I'm not looking at that with rose tinted glasses. It really has. He's considerate, so loving and affectionate. Yeah we have our rows but we've both come from shit marriages and we always talk everything through and we support each other with everything. My hard-to-please family thinks he's amazing. My friends all think I'm so lucky. Most importantly he loves my 4-year-old DD and she loves him. I honestly have been so inlove and happy. But it was just too good to be true.
When we met, we were both separated - him for 6 months and me for 12. We were both pretty bruised. He'd found his ex sleeping with someone else. She had a child (not his) so he left and continued to pay the mortgage (she couldn't afford it, his name on mortgage etc). In the end, he, his friends and family had all come to the conclusion that she hadn't really loved him and broke up with him as soon as they bought the house shortly after they were married. I knew he had become was very bitter and hurt but I thought he was over it.
But about a week ago we were driving while on a weekend away and we wanted to look up somewhere to stop on the way. My phone was dead so I reached for his phone to use Google. His reaction was really bizarre. He pulled over and started waffling and took his phone off me and I knew he was trying to prevent me from looking at his phone.
For the first time ever I was suspicious and the next day I got an opportunity to look at his phone. I was dreading finding messages to a girl but instead what I found was really strange and I couldn't work it out at first.
Basically, when he and his wife split, he set up a FB profile using some of her pictures but with a different name. He's sent hundreds of message to girls from this profile, telling them they're beautiful and stunning and basically propositioning them. As her.
I had it out with him. He said it's been a form of revenge. At first, everytime she was horrible to him he did it to get back at her, he wants to sully her reputation as it was always so important to her.
From the dates on the messages, he was really active 2.5 years ago and is less so since then. But every few months, he's been logging in and sending the messages again. The last time was last month.
He said now every time he's alone or bored or feeling bad he does it. He said it's like a bad habit he can't break. He said he would do anything to prove to me that he isn't obsessed with her and he loves me and DD and doesn't want to lose us. He's deleted the sick account and has made an appointment with a counsellor for Tuesday. He let me look through his entire phone.
I told him to leave and he has but he wants to try and work things out. I just think it mustn't have been real if was still thinking about her so much even if it was bad. And even though I have no love lost for this woman, I can't believe he would do this. And he could have got into trouble too. All for revenge??
I really miss him and feel so so so so so so sad. But it's just so weird. I don't understand how he could do this and why.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Boyfriend is stalking his ex
toogoodtobepoo · 28/08/2016 12:07
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