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Would you bring it up?

(22 Posts)
Barefootcontessa84 Sun 28-Aug-16 00:02:20

I'm lying in bed getting more and more annoyed at a friend and can't sleep, so hoping for some advice on how to deal with this one - advance warning, it's petty and long.

Anyway - back story is I met said friend about 7 years ago when we did a course together, and we were great friends - she was a bridesmaid at my wedding 2 years ago. Over the past few years we have grown apart naturally as friendships do sometimes - she moved country/quit job we had in common/went to 'find herself'... We talk occasionally, but it's not really the same. Let's call her 'old friend'.

While we were friends, she introduced me to an old school friend of hers, who over the past few years has become one of my closest friends (let's call her 'new friend') - respective partners also get along brilliantly, and we see them every week or so.

New friend is getting married and both me and old friend are bridesmaids. I have noticed old friend getting more and more territorial of new friend, and makes snide comments to me when she can, like 'it's only the oldest friends that you can have a proper emotional bond with' etc (ie me and new friend mean nothing). I tend to ignore as I think she is just quite insecure and I have nothing to prove.

However, new friends hen party was today - as a gift to the bride, old friend collected photos from each hen and made a scrap book - lovely idea. However when I had a look at it, not only was I put last (ok someone has to be), but I was afforded exactly 1 page, compared to the 3-5 for each other hen. Plus, the vast majority of my photos were not used - not a single one of me and new friend together that I'd sent (except for one of our back views...). There were plenty of empty pages left in the book so space wasn't an issue.

I feel like clearly old friend did this on purpose to undermine my and new friend's relationship. Clearly she feels uncomfortable with it or jealous in some way but I feel like I should say something to her so she knows it didn't go unnoted...

Would you bring it up with her and politely ask why my contribution was left out, or just let it be?

roob314 Sun 28-Aug-16 00:05:15

I would aim to say nothing, and then watch bridesmaids, that'll cheer u up.

roob314 Sun 28-Aug-16 00:06:32

Rose Byrne in Bridesmaids goes all territorial her friend who has a better / older friend.

Barefootcontessa84 Sun 28-Aug-16 00:07:35

Haha yes that's a great film grin

Barefootcontessa84 Sun 28-Aug-16 00:09:21

I just feel like I should say something like the book looked great, though was wondering if there is was a problem with the ones i sent? Wish to avoid a blow up pre-wedding so perhaps best to let it go (and quietly seethe..)

MakeMyWineADouble Sun 28-Aug-16 00:12:29

I wouldn't say anything. You seem comfortable in the relationship you have with your 'new friend' the only one that will looking silly is your original friend. Let her crack on and focus on supporting the bride smile

HeddaGarbled Sun 28-Aug-16 00:13:58

No, definitely don't say anything. Photos in a book will not undermine your friendship with the bride but kicking up a fuss just before her wedding might. This is coming from her jealousy of your good relationship with the bride. Smile sweetly and rise above her pathetic silliness for the sake of your good friend (plus the smiling sweetly and total non-reaction will really, really piss her off). Once the wedding is over, she'll be out of your life for good but you'll still be friends with the bride.

WatchingFromTheWings Sun 28-Aug-16 00:19:36

If your pics were the last put in and there's plenty of room left, why not quietly ask new friend to borrow the book and add more of your own pics in?

Barefootcontessa84 Sun 28-Aug-16 00:34:02

Thanks all - sensible advice! I know I shouldn't say anything, but got myself really worked up about it as I didn't think anyone (especially a friend of mine) would do something like that!

Jonso Sun 28-Aug-16 00:36:27

She's a frenemy

Make your own scrapbook about just you and her. Or a slideshow at the wedding?

MakeMyWineADouble Sun 28-Aug-16 00:37:38

Im not so sure she is a friend of yours anymore only you can tell that though, but the bride is and I know she will appreciate no drama in the run up to the wedding and be very grateful to you for leaving it smile

Hissy Sun 28-Aug-16 09:07:48

File this for now. If the opportunity presents itself after the wedding to voice your disappointment to this frenemy, then do it.

Otherwise leave it and phase her out of your life a bit, she's made things clear about how she feels.

Hissy Sun 28-Aug-16 09:08:28

The bride will have probably noticed anyway.

Livelovebehappy Sun 28-Aug-16 09:18:15

Why not just do one of those collage picture things, where you put several pics of you and her in the frames and then present it to her as a keepsake? The old friend clearly knows that you would pick up on the fact she has only given you one page in the scrapbook, so is looking for a re-action. Dont give her one. IME, scrap books are great, but then are put in a drawer and just looked at very rarely over the years, whereby a picture collage will be displayed somewhere in the house, even if it's only in her bedroom, so you get the upper hand anyway!

tribpot Sun 28-Aug-16 09:24:09

I wouldn't give old friend the satisfaction of the reaction she's hoping for.

All this hoopla means nothing in the real life of your friendships. Once the wedding is over, you and new friend will return to being much closer than either of you with old friend. She will have expended an awful lot of emotional energy on 'winning' the wedding.

I think any of us would feel a bit weird seeing two friends of ours become much better friends with each other than they are with us, but most of us would have the good sense to accept that's how life goes, and this kind of ebb and flow is completely natural.

Livelovebehappy Sun 28-Aug-16 09:24:35

And then phase her out of your life. I've had a 'Spring clean' of friends. I've contacted friends this year who I don't get to see regularly, to make arrangements to meet up, if they haven't responded to the text/email, or the chase up one, I have deleted them from my life. As I'm getting older, it's all about quality than quantity to me, and if they don't want to invest in our friendship then it's 'bye bye' from me!

OurBlanche Sun 28-Aug-16 14:39:53

Oh... let her drift off into her own sunset.

I would imagine New Friend has noticed, so don't worry about it. You don't have to do anything to 'put it right' or 'make it fair' Just keep on being you.

If Frenemy mentions anything look her in the eye and laugh "Yeah, right"

keepingonrunning Sun 28-Aug-16 15:44:15

I wouldn't say anything. New friend will probably notice in any case and think it odd. Don't allow old friend to see you are remotely bothered. It was a very childish thing to do and I would be keeping my distance from now on.

MatildaTheCat Sun 28-Aug-16 17:05:25

New friend is probably cringing inside from all the remarks she is getting, too. Nothing to be done, I'm afraid unless you want a major strop from OF. Just have a quiet chuckle to yourself or even feel a bit sorry for her because she sounds insecure and possibly doesn't have many any close friends these days.

Stiff upper lip for a wonderful wedding day and then you won't have to put up with any more nonsense unless there comes. godmother situation grin

timelytess Sun 28-Aug-16 17:25:22

So your old friend introduces you to new friend and you and new friend go off together. Old friend evidences some resentment.
Not surprising, really.

With regard to photos, there's a possibility that new friend will think you didn't provide photos for old friend to use. Make a couple of scrapbook pages of your own that will fit in the book, and give them to new friend at some quiet time, without fuss - 'These didn't get into the book and I really wanted you to have them'. Ignore old friend's efforts to distance you from new friend.

SleepDeprivedAndCranky Sun 28-Aug-16 17:35:00

Ignore it. The wedding will be over soon and old friend will go back home. Squabbling over who is a better friend will only ruin your newer friend's wedding

Barefootcontessa84 Sun 28-Aug-16 17:55:03

Having slept on it, I will ignore. As you all say, I'm pretty sure new friend would have noticed / also received comments from old friend - I'll keep my distance from old friend I think.

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