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Can anyone tell me...

(14 Posts)
Mum4Fergus Sat 27-Aug-16 17:05:50

Sorry, not relationship per day but I know there is more traffic here blush

Can anyone tell me the guidelines re non resident parent pick up/drop off of DS. No formal arrangement in place, although he will receive a letter from my solicitor this week in regards to this. Solicitor advised me the NRP is responsible for picking up/dropping back of DS...

Issue is this - X picked up DS today and then text to say he will drop him off 3 hours earlier than planned tomorrow (he has booked a game of golf!)...I responded that I wouldn't be at home til agreed drop off time (I have hotel/concert booked tonight and with travel I can be back at house a half hour before DS is due...) X then text to say he will 'just leave DS somewhere tomorrow I can can go get him (DS is 6 by the way)...

Do I suck it up and cancel my plans?

Littleladylumps Sat 27-Aug-16 18:27:17

No don't cancel. You had an agreement! He can cancel his game of golf.

DoreenLethal Sat 27-Aug-16 18:33:02

No don't cancel. Tell him you are unable to pick him up, he needs to stick to the agreement which is to drop him off at x oclock.

gamerchick Sat 27-Aug-16 18:37:28

What does he mean 'leave him somewhere?'

RandomMess Sat 27-Aug-16 18:41:36

The only way you can stop this is by having fixed contact and probably court arranged...

He is being a selfish idiot, possibly just trying to be controlling?

Would fixed contact with zero flexibility work better for you?

TheHeartOfASaturdayNight Sat 27-Aug-16 18:41:49

The "I'll just leave DS somewhere" reaction is designed to manipulate you into changing your plans. He is trying to control you and your expectation.

Presumably he wants contact with his son? It's not going to go down too well if he just drops him off somewhere for you to collect at a later time is it?

Do not change your plans. You need to assert your boundaries and your expectations at this point.

nicenewdusters Sat 27-Aug-16 18:46:12

Definitely don't cancel. If he knew what time you would normally expect him back, but has made other arrangements, tough luck. If you were going to be at home it's still not really on, but you're not, so he has to keep him.

Where exactly is he planning on "leaving" him ? Maybe you'll have had a few drinks and won't be able to drive, perhaps you won't have your car. None of this is his business. He just needs to bring him back as agreed.

I have an ex who thinks it's all about him. I'm flexible to suit the kids but he's about as flexible as an iron bar. I now just have to say I am doing x, y, z, no argument. We too have no formal agreement, just one "agreed" between ourselves.

Zumbarunswim Sat 27-Aug-16 18:48:38

What an arsehole! Keep the text in case you need to prove him being awkward about contact. Do you think he'd leave him somewhere?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sat 27-Aug-16 20:11:06

I wouldn't cancel, your son is more important than a game of golf, and if you let him get away with it now it will set a precedent (unless he already has form).
How long have you been separated/divorced?
No one in their right mind would leave a 6 year old. He is just testing you, unless he is mad?

Allalonenow Sat 27-Aug-16 20:24:19

He is just being a manipulative arse who is doing this to try to control you and tell you what you can and can't do on your child free time.

Text back " I'm not available till agreed time"

Don't enter into any discussion about it with him, ignore any other texts.
Keep a detailed record of all this to present to the court to support the contact plans that will be most convenient to you.

Do not give in, your child is only six, if you are weak now Ex will be telling you what to do for the next sixteen years.

happypoobum Sat 27-Aug-16 20:36:59

Agree with PP, do not cancel your plans. He will silently cave and will cancel the golf. He probably hasn't booked it anyway, it's all just designed to fuck you off.

If he does leave DS somewhere I think you will have to ask your sol to make a case for contact centre only contact, so you can be assured DS is safe. If he can't be trusted that is all you can do. flowers

Joy69 Sun 28-Aug-16 09:04:07

Don't cancel. You need a social life too. My ex does this to me all the time & surprise, surprise he has a great social life, whereas mine is lacking. I definitely need to woman up!
Go to your concert & had a fab time. He won't leave your son, but be prepared for the wo is me from your ex as his dummy falls out of the pram.

Mum4Fergus Sun 28-Aug-16 16:46:36

So I went with my plans but was up at crack of dawn to set off for home time be in time - have revised draft of solicitor letter due to go to him this week being very specific - off now to baton down the hatches for when he receives it confused

TheHeartOfASaturdayNight Sun 28-Aug-16 19:23:09

So you arranged your plans around him after all?

Shouldn't have done that.

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