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The awkward phase between breaking up and moving out

(6 Posts)
roarfeckingroar Sat 27-Aug-16 14:46:49

I haven;t been through a fraction, relationship wise, as so many people on here. But my current - sorry, ex - partner was my love and I loved him so much.

We have broken up for many reasons; him lying (not about other women), him having low sex drive when mine is pretty high, his verbal abuse born from insecurity and resentment, him smoking and drinking too much... It is the right decision. I'm 28. I want the chance to pick myself off the floor and concentrate on my career (which is going very well, thankfully) and eventually meet someone mature, calm, kind, respectful and brilliant to marry then start a family with.

But dear Christ it hurts. I've started threads before and had such wonderful advice and support. I just want a bit of a handhold. Sorry for being self indulgent; my heart aches. His does too. But this is right. But shit. Ugh,.

pastabest Sat 27-Aug-16 15:01:37

I did the same, age 29 a few months before I turned 30 after many years together. It was scary, fortunately I had somewhere else I could move to pretty much straight away. Do you have that option at all, however embarrassing it might feel to have to move back in with family etc? A clean a break as possible is definitely the way forward. Fortunately my ex and I still get on well and we managed to sell the house and split our stuff very amicably.

I did meet someone else, quite quickly which surprised me and I knew straight away it was more 'right' than my previous relationship had ever been.

I bet you feel so free, and so relieved even though it's utterly shit!

roarfeckingroar Sun 28-Aug-16 22:59:12

I feel free but I feel so, so scared/

12345a Mon 29-Aug-16 22:12:25

I have been with my partner almost 11 years and we broke up 5 weeks ago. We have raised two children together from separate previous marriages since they were little. My child and I are still living in my partners house till my house is ready to move into.
I have been absolutely desolate and have extreme lows of guilt and despair that it was my fault with feelings of hatred, personal strength and resolve that it was him who was the problem. The truth is we drifted apart and ended up resenting and bring jealous of one another.
My ex partner has been good in staying away however when our paths cross its toxic.
I have wanted to talk and try and save the relationship but every time we end up arguing as he misinterprets what I am trying to say.
When I ignore him and go about my own business, things seem fine, however I'm secretly missing him and feel frightened about being lonely when i move out.

There is also a matter of leaving his house which has been our home. I will have to see his house daily as its in a highly visible location near a club I'm a member of. It's going to be hell.
So, I'm planning lots of projects to keep me busy, visits to old friends, new hobbies and telling close friends who I know I can trust and will get support from.

All I will say is that you are still young and will bounce back from this very quickly. I did after my first husband left me with an 18 month old when I was 30!It is painful but as soon as you go out, meet new friends and maybe someone new the pain will slowly fade away. I promise you!

dudsville Mon 29-Aug-16 22:17:41

My exh and I lived together for ages after breaking up. I now look back on it as a transition period, a kind of unwinding of a life together. We were in separate bedrooms and doing our own thing. But I also helped him flat hunt (I decided to buy him out), and I helped him move. We went out for burgers after. I'll never forget that, it was like the long transition was complete. And THAT was the night I couldn't sleep! I suddenly was alone. It was good but very, very strange.

jeaux90 Mon 29-Aug-16 23:32:34

Painful but strong decision. I see a lot of positives in your post. Try and feel just a little excited about your future, it sounds like it could be wonderful. The pain will pass, but you know that. Good luck xxx

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