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Quick! I am an idiot and need some MN wisdom.

(24 Posts)
easterholidays Sat 27-Aug-16 10:18:58

Split from exP in February. We've been on good terms since. Went out with him and his friends last night and casually said to one of them "yes it's been fine so far, might get trickier when one of us has a serious partner", whereupon she told me he has a new girlfriend and she was out with them all the night before.

Cue tears and recrimination - I'm not particularly proud of it, but he could at least have TOLD ME rather than let me find out from a mutual friend. Anyway, even less impressively, our argument resulted in me staying the night - we didn't have sex, I just cried and alternately shouted.

But I left a lipsticked glass and a shoe there, like some desperate alter ego of Cinderella. Should I text him and tell him so he can remove both before new GF sees them? I'm still super humiliated and pissed off but that's not her fault (but I do hate her).


jimbob1 Sat 27-Aug-16 10:23:06

Definitely text him. It is not her fault, or his actually. Were you together a long time?

AnyFucker Sat 27-Aug-16 10:27:52

OK. You've had your blip. Yes, it would have been better if he had told you. but he didn't

Now you can rescue this by letting him know you have planted those items and get your dignity back

Onwards !

pinkyredrose Sat 27-Aug-16 10:30:03

Wow you sound like a drama queen. Do you really think it's a good idea to socialise with him when your emotions are so high? Why shouldn't he have a new girlfriend, you split up 6 months ago. Also how did you engineer things so you stayed at his flat? If you want him back and he doesn't want you then you should really avoid him for a good long while to give you a chance to get him out of your system.

TheNaze73 Sat 27-Aug-16 10:31:55

I'd tell him, the poor bloke has done nothing wrong other than allow himself to be manipulated

Akire Sat 27-Aug-16 10:33:28

Is he known to be a complete slob that he's likely have dirty glasses and shoes still on floor when she turns up? (How do you leave one shoe!) if just leave it, you sound close still and nothing happened. It's up to him to explain to new GF if she notices. 6m is along time though not like was a month ago not sure why you are so upset, unless on some level you thought you still had a future?

Nellyphants Sat 27-Aug-16 10:33:52

It's obviously still too early for you to see him socially. I know you may have mutual mates but you need to avoid him.

easterholidays Sat 27-Aug-16 10:46:23

Yes we were together a long time, the house he lives in was ours and still has some of my stuff in it. I don't want him back, it was my choice to leave, and I went along to last night's drinks at his invitation because we are, I thought, friends. I didn't engineer going back to his, though thanks for the vote of confidence. I went to the bus stop and cried and he came and fetched me. I was drunk and sad and had lost a shoe, yes I am an idiot (thread title admits this I think). I don't mind that he is seeing somone; I absolutely mind that he arranged a Thursday night out with all his mates and his new GF and a Friday night out with all his mates and me and didn't think that it might become awkward at any stage. A five-minute conversion in advance would have avoided it all (and if I'd had the chance to process the information beforehand I'd have known whether or not my emotions were still high and if they were, I'd have declined the invitation). I feel humiliated, is all. Yes he is a slob.

easterholidays Sat 27-Aug-16 11:05:28

OK I've texted. And I'll know to look elsewhere next time I am a massive idiot and need some sympathy sad

DoItTooJulia Sat 27-Aug-16 11:10:16

Chalk it up to experience and move on. Do something nice today. Don't beat yourself up, eh?

easterholidays Sat 27-Aug-16 11:12:46

Heh, it's my fortieth birthday party today. I'll try, as soon as I can stop crying (yes, I know it's my own fault).

brightspark2 Sat 27-Aug-16 11:16:39

It's not all your fault - he did a classic avoidance head up his ass move by sweeping it under the rug when he'll yes he should have told you! Before you got into the pub last night for your birthday drinks!!

brightspark2 Sat 27-Aug-16 11:16:55


easterholidays Sat 27-Aug-16 11:18:46

Thank you. Yeah I really wish he had! Part of the reason we split is that I am a bit fragile, mental health wise, and he was never able to recognise that

TheBakeryQueen Sat 27-Aug-16 11:20:55

Oh bless you! Sounds tough, but hey you're human, most of us let our emotions get the better of us sometimes.

Hope you manage to enjoy your birthday!

easterholidays Sat 27-Aug-16 11:22:20

Oops, posted too soon - he wasn't able to recognise that and make any kind of consideration for it. Which is not his fault, it's kind of not in his makeup to be able to have someone else's perspective if it's very different from his. So all the reasons we split are the reasons I feel shitty now, I guess. Well, that and turning forty grin

Queenbean Sat 27-Aug-16 11:23:54

Oh god, I have done things just like this before. Isn't it awful when you wake up and realise what has happened, that feeling of dread?!

I would feel worse for the girlfriend. She knows he's still friends with a significant ex, has to be in the house you shared, see your stuff around etc

Chalk it up to experience and try and move forward. Don't be too hard on yourself flowers

Diamogs Sat 27-Aug-16 11:25:57

I get the shock thing OP. Forget about it and move on, enjoy your party. Happy birthday flowers

Buddahbelly Sat 27-Aug-16 11:31:47

Oh god I have come across so many men who do this, try to remain friends with their ex but forget to tell them they are seeing someone new. Is it an ego boost to them to think they have lots of girls around them or are they genuinely just so blase about it they don't even think it's an issue?

I think back away from him for now, you split up with him so try and remember those reasons and be grateful someone else is dealing with them now. keep in contact with the mutual friends if you have to, but definitely decline any future invitations directly from him. I take it his new gf didn't know you would be there last night too?

Enjoy your party tonight!

LineyReborn Sat 27-Aug-16 11:35:29

Happy birthday! flowers smile onwards and upward.

easterholidays Sat 27-Aug-16 11:43:58

Thank you flowers

I'm so cross with myself for minding so much. It was definitely the right decision to leave, but there was also lots about us that was good, so I guess I've just been forced into mourning for that at a rate chosen by him rather than me, which of course is his right.

But I know I sound awful and I feel like I need to clarify that the tears and recrimination weren't an instant response to the news - it sort of built up over a couple of hours and the terrible part took place after everyone else was gone (yes I should have left sooner).

RepentAtLeisure Sat 27-Aug-16 12:36:53

Oh I wouldn't be in a rush to 'poor bloke' him. It would be a standard courtesy to let a recent ex know that they have introduced their new partner to the mutual friends you'll both be seeing the next night. I think that's appalling actually.

easterholidays Sat 27-Aug-16 12:57:15

Oh dear thank you RepentAtLeisure, I'm feeling better but I just cried a bit in a good way at your post. Have also just discovered a gash on my big toe (thanks to lost shoe) which has put paid to my plans for strappy heels later! As ye reap etc.

Candlefairy101 Sat 27-Aug-16 14:26:06

I think he deserves what he got!

Trying to be the big player, taking two girls out on a weekend with the same friends is out of order in you and his current GF!

Yes you should of left your shoe because he should get the backlash from his current GF for playing around with both your feelings.

He's keeping both of you sweet, you either need to remove yourself completely from his life such as all your stuff from his and not go out drinking now that you know he's not single because put yourself in the GF shoes it would be horrible. Or you tell him that your not his entertainment anymore, he has a new GF to go out with friends with x

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