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DHs female colleagues

(23 Posts)
flirtingwithcolleagues Fri 26-Aug-16 17:26:38

DH is a manager in a store with lots of female staff. He started on the same level as them but has been promoted above them.
In the early days he became friends with all of his colleagues on Facebook and is still friends with them now.
There are 2 women who put up posts every couple of months, tagging each other and DH, to announce to the world that 'Everybody has that friend that can turn any conversation into a dirty one' hmm
I have explained that it makes me uncomfortable with this being regularly advertised on his wall, to all of his family and friends. Our teenaged children are friends with DH so obviously see these posts too.
Would I be unreasonable to ask that he deletes these colleagues as friends? This is clearly not a professional relationship of manager and staff.

RedMapleLeaf Fri 26-Aug-16 17:29:31

I think you would be unreasonable I'm afraid.

PointlessUsername Fri 26-Aug-16 17:31:39

Why doesn't DH just ask these women to not tag him in such posts.

I green I wouldn't want my dc seeing that.

pasic Fri 26-Aug-16 17:32:57

Do they mean him?

ThisUsernameIsAvailable Fri 26-Aug-16 17:33:38

Yeah that's a bit unreasonable, maybe he could change his settings so he has to approve tags? Then he could just not approve those ones, if he feels the same way as you I mean

ProseccoBitch Fri 26-Aug-16 17:35:37

I'm not sure it's ever a good idea to be friends on FB with people who work for you. I'd be pissed off about this and I'd want him to delete them. I'm so glad my DP doesn't do Facebook!

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 26-Aug-16 17:36:31

Yes you would.

Is he uncomfortable being tagged in these posts?

If he is, he can change his settings so that he has to approve tags - if he doesn't approve it, his friends won't see it.

If he's not, I don't think there's much you can do. He could set the posts so you and his children can't see them, if he wants.

I don't think Facebook would be appropriate at all if it was simply a professional relationship. It sounds like they are friends. I wouldn't think it was inappropriate if I saw a friends' DP tagged in that status, if there were no other reasons to suspect he was up to no good.

CannotEvenDeal Fri 26-Aug-16 17:42:42

Ok it's not ideal as you say but in my case it'd be spot on the money as dh and I both have a filthy sense of humour blush

The title of your post suggests that it bothers you because they're women but it's probably just (and I hate this word but can't think of a synonym) banter. I mean, if a bloke who worked for him put that tag, would you still mind?

Trifleorbust Fri 26-Aug-16 17:45:03

Does it bother you because of the posts or because of the conversations?

flirtingwithcolleagues Fri 26-Aug-16 17:54:13

Honestly, I think it bothers me that they feel comfortable enough to tag him.

I once put a link to a video and tagged DH saying it was something I could imagine him doing. Less than a week later, one of these women tagged him in a video saying "This is something I can see you doing"

DH has untagged himself in these posts a couple of times, after I've asked him.

One of the women is constantly calling him a 'big gay' and this bothers me too as she uses it as an insult and my brother is gay.

CannotEvenDeal Fri 26-Aug-16 17:57:58

Ok this stuff is worse than your OP and I would not be comfortable At All with my kids seeing the homophobic comments and thinking that that was fine angry

Trifleorbust Fri 26-Aug-16 17:58:40

Unfortunately I think you might be being a little unreasonable. His relationships with his colleagues are his responsibility, really, and if they feel that comfortable, it's because of a dynamic he has set.

peppercold Fri 26-Aug-16 18:02:27

Do you feel they are too familiar now hes their boss? Are they flirty?

TokenGinger Fri 26-Aug-16 18:04:21

I am friendly with all of the men and women in my workplace.

You need to address your insecurity issues. I'm sure he has male friends that tag him in similar memes but you specifically mention female colleagues. Your insecurities lie with these two women.

As others have said, it's a very simple alteration to security settings to approve posts before you're tagged in them. He could alter it if he decided what was being shared is not appropriate for his children to see.

You've openly said yourself though that the problem is that they feel comfortable enough with him to tag him.

If my partner told me to delete friends because he didn't like what he sees, I'd delete him instead. I would not have anybody tell me I should not be friends with a member of the opposite sex.

In terms of inappropriate memes, I'd tell him to consider his security settings.

In terms of telling him to unfriend them, you are being unreasonable.

RedMapleLeaf Fri 26-Aug-16 18:07:49

I'm afraid that these are his friends, distasteful and offensive though they may be.

flirtingwithcolleagues Fri 26-Aug-16 18:21:18

I'm sorry for the drip feeding, but yes, I do feel insecure about it. DH and I have a son with ASD who takes up all of my time. I gave up work to care for him and he is exhausting. I fall asleep just after putting him to bed every night, while DH sits downstairs playing Xbox games or watching films.
I feel that we are growing apart due to no time spent together, and that these women get the best of him each day.

I guess I just want him to choose to save my feelings over theirs.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 26-Aug-16 18:25:13

I guess I just want him to choose to save my feelings over theirs.

But this really doesn't matter. Honestly, don't make this the battle point - he'll just hide their posts from you and your children.

Talk to him. There must be ways you can work together to make this better, so you don't feel insecure - these women don't sound like they've done much wrong, and it definitely doesn't sound flirting on their part, although I can see why you'd worry if things arent good.

Can you speak to him tonight? Not about them, but about your relationship in general. Once you've done that, and things start getting back more on track, you might find they tag him less anyway because he's less friendly with them - and it'll mean more, because it'll represent how he's feeling rather than him doing it because you told him too - but if it doesn't die down, and it still bothers you, he'll be more likely to listen to you anyway.

loveyoutothemoon Fri 26-Aug-16 18:29:17

Yes you are being unreasonable.

Helloooooooo Fri 26-Aug-16 18:33:32

I would be concerned about his behaviour with colleagues and wouldn't like it at all if he was 'dirty' at work. What is he doing or saying? That would worry me more than what was happening on Facebook although I understand you don't want your children reading such comments.

RedMapleLeaf Fri 26-Aug-16 18:38:27

I guess I just want him to choose to save my feelings over theirs.

This is the key bit flowers

Don't pick a fight over comments on Facebook. Deal with the real issue. Tell him about what you actually need - his affection, his support, his flirty conversation etc etc.

jellycat1 Fri 26-Aug-16 18:41:39

I think it's a really bad move to be Facebook friends with colleagues let alone those who you line manage. I wouldn't. So I don't think yabu.

GingerbreadGingerbread Fri 26-Aug-16 18:55:07

Are you just worried about the Facebook relationship? (FWIW I do think it's a bit over familiar for a boss/ employee relationship.) Or are you worried that their whole relationship, one outside of Facebook and in real life, is too familiar?

If the latter is the case asking him to delete them on Facebook won't do any good.

TheNaze73 Fri 26-Aug-16 20:06:38

I think you'd be highly unreasonable to ask him to stop to be honest. I think most people would admit to that type of convo at work however, most wouldn't actively publish it on Facebook. Why don't you come off of Facebook if it bothers you that much?

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