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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is honesty the best policy here?

52 replies

Applesandpears86 · 26/08/2016 16:14

I'll try to keep this short as possible.

I have been dating someone for coming up to 6 months now. He works away a lot but I am pretty independent so this has never been an issue.

I've started to fall for him in a big way. I know he has feelings for me too but I was confused as to why he wasn't taking the relationship to any new levels (e.g. meeting friends, making medium term plans). A couple of weeks ago I initiated the 'what are we' talking he admitted that he is moving abroad in a couple of months for work (likely 2-3 years).

I didn't think that he wanted to do long distance so I finished things with him. Since we've been back in contact, I saw him yesterday and I think he is pretty gutted about it but has resigned himself to never being able to have a relationship (he moves a lot)?

I have thought a lot about it and I really would like us to give it a go.

Is it worth being honest with him to see what he says or to just leave it and move on?

OP posts:

Report

pallasathena · 26/08/2016 17:04

Go for it! You'll always wonder if you don't.

Shayelle · 26/08/2016 17:07

Who got back in touch with who?

AlwaysDancing1234 · 26/08/2016 17:08

If you think you'll look back in a months time with regrets then why not just try it out! You have more to gain than you have to loose as they say.

Applesandpears86 · 26/08/2016 17:12

We were both acting very cool and upfront about it yesterday. Eg, 'we're adults, we can hang out and sleep together without getting feelings'.

But I feel like it was almost too cool?

Other than that, nothing was different. I think we probably will see each other again (he goes away for a few weeks next week) so I guess it's how to approach it?

OP posts:

Applesandpears86 · 26/08/2016 17:12

I got back in touch with him but seeing as I ended things I thought that was fair enough?

OP posts:

Shayelle · 26/08/2016 17:12

Did you get back in touch with him, after you ended it?

Shayelle · 26/08/2016 17:13

X post.. I think he is just teying to get a shag out of you before he disappears. Sorry x

ohdearme1958 · 26/08/2016 17:13

Oh come on OP. grab that bull by the horns, or is it the ears? And tell him how you feel!

Applesandpears86 · 26/08/2016 17:15

Well I saw him yesterday, he stayed overnight and we didn't dtd?

We hung out and kissed?

OP posts:

Shayelle · 26/08/2016 17:17

Just lay your cards on the table then. Tell him how you feel. You have nothing to lose :)

Shayelle · 26/08/2016 17:19

It is a shame he didnt broach the subject of him moving abroad until you gave him an ultimatum though... Then you had to get back in touch with him so he knows he has you hooked. Be careful

Applesandpears86 · 26/08/2016 17:21

Well no I was aware he was moving but neither of us really mentioned it/he didn't put a date or location to it. I didn't want to bring it up with him because I kind of knew the answer?

OP posts:

Shayelle · 26/08/2016 17:25

Why hasnt he said to you about having a relationship then, knowing he's going? If he wanted to he would have... its up to you, it must feel very hard if you have feelings for him and he is leaving x

MatildaTheCat · 26/08/2016 19:52

Sure, be honest. How far is he going and how flexible are you in terms of work and home? It could work but who knows? Nothing ventured nothing gained.

Applesandpears86 · 26/08/2016 21:06

It will be UK and Ireland. I don't have ties where I live and I can work from home several days per week so thats fairly flexible.

I'm not sure how to tell him without scaring him away I guess...

OP posts:

MatildaTheCat · 26/08/2016 21:28

Good grief, that's nothing. What do you have to lose by telling him? Not a lot. He sounds keen so go for it. If he says no then sadly he's not as keen as he seems but you won't be left thinking, what if?

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 26/08/2016 22:15

How did you leave it last time - ie will he/you be in touch to hangout again?
If you do, I would use that opportunity to broach the subject with him.
I wouldn't say outright (at the beginning) that I was keen/could move etc., but I would certainly sound him out about what his thoughts were and how/if he saw things evolving before you finished it and how he feels now.
Good luck!

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected · 26/08/2016 22:18

Don't over think it - what you say will come naturally enough when you are with him. Go for it, it will be fine and as others have said, do not miss out on what could potentially be a lovely opportunity for you both.

ImperialBlether · 26/08/2016 22:28

I don't understand - are you going to suggest you go with him? Has he asked you to do this?

TheNaze73 · 26/08/2016 23:18

What exactly are you proposing to do? Has he specifically asked you to join him?

Applesandpears86 · 27/08/2016 08:10

I hopefully will see him again - we did allude to it. If we don't I guess I could email him.

I want to tell him that I would like to try long distance and if he feels that it could work. I'm sensible, I know it won't work if he doesn't want it to.

No I'm not saying I'm going with him but I'm saying that, in time if it is working, I'm not against moving to be with him. His job doesn't allow him to pick where he lives unfortunately whereas mine is much more flexible.

OP posts:

chocoLit · 27/08/2016 08:15

Christ I thought you meant Oz or something?!?

Ireland is still only a half hour flight right?? I married my 'long distance Ireland partner' and he's right here 15yrs later,

Just talk like grown ups. Nothing lost by trying

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Applesandpears86 · 27/08/2016 08:23

He seems very against it though which is making me concerned. He keeps telling me he'll still be alone in 10 years because of moving.

I'm not sure if he is just trying to go along with what I've said before though!

OP posts:

larrygrylls · 27/08/2016 08:28

could he be married, rather than travelling?

pocketsaviour · 27/08/2016 08:28

He seems very against it though which is making me concerned. He keeps telling me he'll still be alone in 10 years because of moving.

That would make me think he doesn't actually want a relationship. Some people don't, after all.

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