Long - I'm sorry. And I know some people here will think this is my fault and I deserve anything that happens to me as a result but please be gentle. Name changed for this too. Not a new poster.
About five years ago I was away from home on a work related trip. For various reasons, there were accommodation issues. I was working with a guy I didn't know well, but was good friends with DH and knew from our wider circle of friends. He was known as a very sweet and devoted family man. He offered to let me share his room where he had a spare bed. Both spouses knew and were fine with this.
I went to bed before him, took the diazepam that I'd been prescribed at the time and went to sleep. Woke up to find him on top of me. I didn't scream or push him off - I was completely doped and disoriented and remember being unsure if it was a dream or not. I only realized it was real the next morning when I woke up half naked.
I left as soon as I could. Texted him and asked him what happened. He claimed he'd come up and I'd made a suggestive comment and invited him to bed so he'd accepted. I have no memory of this at all. He also said he had always been attracted to me.
During this conversation, his wife apparently saw a text, asked him, and discovered that this had happened. She was understandably hurt and angry, and blamed me entirely. The first my DH knew about it was her phoning him to tell him his wife was a whore who'd been screwing her husband.
Thankfully, DH talked to me, and believed me and said I hadn't had an affair, and I had been assaulted. However, MM's wife didn't believe me and it made things worse for her - she thought I'd seduced her husband and lied about it. It all blew up, I never talked about it, but she did, and a lot of people in our wider social group ended up with an opinion. I'd been struggling with my mental health before and this was too much and I ended up in hospital for a while. It was honestly one of the worst times of my life.
Anyway, shortly after that DH got a new job and we moved away which was one of the best things we could have done. My MH stabilised a lot, and we've been doing really well. I really just want to forget that time ever happened but it's really hard, esp as MM is still with his W and she still blames me entirely.
Most recent reminder was a wedding we were meant to be going to. Bride was part of our old social circle. She emailed me this morning to ask if maybe I could just come to the hen do as W is coming to the wedding and she knows 'there is baggage'. I feel basically kicked in the chest. I don't feel I can say anything or defend myself form whatever has been said without making things worse. But if I say nothing, I'm accepting the story that is being told about me being this evil homewrecker. And that hurts. I didn't want to be OW. I didn't want this dumped on me. I guess I could just cut contact with every mutual friend but I hate that I'm the one who has to get tarred and feathered and driven out of town. I just want to pretend it never happened. It won't happen again, I won't share sleeping space with anyone except DH and I'm very careful about who I trust. I just hate it hanging over me. Don't quite know why I'm posting here. Just wanted some advice, I guess.
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Sexual assault - past not going away
8 replies
NotReallyMeToday · 26/08/2016 11:24
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