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Can't figure out why I am angry at dh

(11 Posts)
wobblywonderwoman Thu 25-Aug-16 22:15:25

Why cant I be happy? Tonight we had a visitor and dh says 'she's so happy to get on with things abd not waiting around to be brought places'

This hit a raw nerve as dh and I didn't live together before marriage and when we married I got my eyes opened to things. How traditional he was and for a long time I took on most of the wife work. Also I was paying all of the mortgage as he moved in with me.

It took a long time to get moving house and now things are fairly split.

The first year of marriage was a nightmare. He came in at six pm for his dinner - also at weekends. Mil is nice but very much old fashioned and showed me how to bake his bread that type of thing.

Dh said on honeymoon he still wanted his own life blah blah. So I was really hurt. I wouldn't stop him from having his life.

He comes from a family that the mother stay in doing housey things. Be ofteb says she nver complains. I do a lot of things on my own - but that comment tonight hurt.

We have two small DC and he is brilliant with them so I won't leave.

wobblywonderwoman Thu 25-Aug-16 22:16:26

Sorry I exaggerated. Not a nightmare but very lonely and not what I thought it would be like.

ZansSerif Thu 25-Aug-16 23:29:29

Well, I'd be angry. You sound like a modern person, being forced into a role in your marriage that isn't right for you. Just because he is traditional and his mum is traditional, doesn't mean you have to be – why should their way win? He married you, maybe he should compromise for what you're like as well. And if he won't, you don't have to stay. If he's great with the kids, then he can be great with them as a separated co-parent can't he?

I think you feel you shouldn't be angry and you should put up with it all for some reason. But it's reasonable to be angry with him for not treating you as an equal and having these 1950s expectations.

wobblywonderwoman Fri 26-Aug-16 08:26:14

Thanks zans .

I am going to be my own person a bit more..

Bahhhhhumbug Fri 26-Aug-16 08:34:35

So l take it he was admiring your friend for not being the 'little woman' waiting at home for 1950s DH to take her anywhere and bring an Independant woman. In fact exsctly like you were when you met. Meanwhile he is trying with the help
of his mother to turn you into this 1950 s housewife. Have l got that right?

that 😕

Bahhhhhumbug Fri 26-Aug-16 08:36:27

being not bring - bloody phone. No idea where the random 'that' came from at the end either.

Itscurtainsforyou Fri 26-Aug-16 08:56:41

So you were paying the mortgage (so I presume you work?) but he also expected you to do all the "wife" duties?

Sounds like he needs a dose of reality. I understand you don't want to leave OP but i think you need to sit down and look at all the jobs that need to be done and allocate them with him (including equal time out/away from the home for "you" time.

funnylittlefloozie Fri 26-Aug-16 09:01:12

What is 'traditional' about expecting your wife to pay the mortgage??? I am sorry that your DH sounds like a bit of a wally. I hope you can start putting your foot down with him a bit more -you are a strong and independent woman, and he needs to open his eyes and realise the value of what he has got.

Atenco Fri 26-Aug-16 13:56:12

I don't quite understand why went along with all this OP?

BolshierAryaStark Fri 26-Aug-16 14:01:40

I'm surprised at your title tbh, why can't you figure out why you're annoyed with him?-I think it's pretty clear...

Atenco Fri 26-Aug-16 14:03:30

duh, I don't quite understand why you went along with all this OP?

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