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Red flag?

(21 Posts)
NaNaNaNaNaNaBatman Thu 25-Aug-16 08:10:36

I've been with DP for 5 months so we're still in a fairly new relationship, we see each other when we can, he has a DS from a previous relationship so we work around his contact with him and he lives an hour drive away from me.

When we first started talking he was really keen; texts, long calls, long conversations about this and that. He was also open about the way he feels and what he wants for the future, completely different to how he is now.

He can be abrupt and harsh at times when I'm talking about an issue with us, he cuts it down and moves the conversation on quickly whereas before he would be worrying and ring me to make sure everything was okay.

He talks about his ex's every time we see each other, the same stories that I've heard before. He says I know I shouldn't talk about ex's but... And then carries on, he has been very open about his past which I appreciate but he does seem to dwell on it a lot.

Another thing is that he said he hasn't been in a relationship for years, hasn't introduced anyone to his friends in that time and has never made so much effort with someone (me). I found out that this is a lie; he has been in a past relationship not long ago as I met his friend and we were talking about it. He told me that he never wants me to meet some of his friends as they have no self control when drunk but his previous partner has met them when he said no one has.

Contact between us is dwindling, he says it's because he feels comfortable with me and he doesn't feel like he has to text me all the time like the beginning when you're trying to impress someone, he's admitted he's changed since then. We used to text throughout the day and have a phone call with each other every other night, I now get 1-2 texts and literally a 3 minute phone call and that's all I'll hear from him.

Something else that is bothering me is that he said he's going out for a meal with work friends so won't be able to text me, that's fair enough but later when he got back he called me to say goodnight and was very vague about how the meal was and changed conversation. He said he's going and is going to go to sleep. 2 hours after that he's become friends with the girl who he was in a relationship with on Facebook.

Am I being paranoid or would you be concerned? What should I do?

I really like this guy and other than this everything is great, I just want to hear what others would do.

AnyFucker Thu 25-Aug-16 08:17:35

You are being slowly dumped, I am afraid

I would get in first with "this isn't working for me" and retain my self respect

SlinkyVagabond Thu 25-Aug-16 08:22:32

As usual af is bang on. Get in first.. Sorry.

Cinnamon2013 Thu 25-Aug-16 08:25:47

It's over, or at least it needs to be. Don't let it drag on, take control and walk away with your dignity intact. There are two many very clear indications here that he doesn't really care about you.

There's someone much more deserving out there for you.

Resilience16 Thu 25-Aug-16 08:27:42

Go with your gut feeling, it's usually right. If he doesn't seem as keen as he was in the beginning it's because he's probably not. If he isn't texting or calling, it's because he doesn't want to. If he doesn't want to listen when you talk it's because he isn't interested in what you've got to say. If he hadn't introduced you to friends it's because he doesn't see this as long term.
Don't stick your head in the sand.
Cut your losses and move on. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you for more than just a shag x

monkeywithacowface Thu 25-Aug-16 08:29:12

Sound like an awful lot of angst for such a short relationship. As AF said finish first and make a dignified retreat.

Trills Thu 25-Aug-16 08:30:36

So he's boring
talks about his ex's every time we see each other,

Lies to you
I found out that this is a lie

Not interested in what you think or feel
when I'm talking about an issue with us, he cuts it down and moves the conversation on

Are you SURE that you "really like him"? Or do you just feel like you've put so much effort in that you have to try to make it work?

doji Thu 25-Aug-16 08:42:30

Give up on this one. Too much like hard work. I don't date liars, people who disrespect/ignore my feelings or who seem hung up on their ex's. I bet he'd tick a few more of the 'not worth it' boxes on my list too, but any one is enough for me to dump (I've learnt the hard way). Fuck him off and find someone that treats you like a priority, not a mug.

0dfod Thu 25-Aug-16 08:47:08

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheBriarAndTheRose Thu 25-Aug-16 08:47:52

Yep, I agree with the others.

This is partly the problem with referring to someone you have been seeing for 5 months, who lives an hours drive away and who you see when you can as you 'partner'. They're not. They're someone you're seeing whilst you both work out if they are someone you would like to become your boyfriend/girlfriend and then maybe your partner.

It gives far higher expectations of the relationship than should be there.

Also after 5 months, you shouldn't be having to have conversations about "issues with us".

Just end it.

hellsbellsmelons Thu 25-Aug-16 08:49:58

He can be abrupt and harsh at times
Within 5 months!? The honeymoon period!?
This jumped out at me.
Bin him off and please look on line at Womens Aid Freedom Programme.
It's a course that will help you spot red flags for future relationships.
There are loads here and you need to spot them sooner and walk away.

Only1scoop Thu 25-Aug-16 08:52:22

You've been with this BF for 5 months and it's like this?

Imagine after 5 years?

Don't sit around waiting for a scrap of thought or a crumb of his time.

"This isn't working for me anymore, I'm calling it a day" should work fine.

Flappyhat Thu 25-Aug-16 08:54:19

He is over you. Sorry.

FantasticButtocks Thu 25-Aug-16 08:56:24

Sounds like hard work already! Five months in and there's all this to worry about...life is just too damn short to waste time with someone who is less than enthusiastic about you.

category12 Thu 25-Aug-16 09:09:00

Get in there and ditch, as af says.

0dfod Thu 25-Aug-16 09:11:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LesisMiserable Thu 25-Aug-16 10:00:06

Normally I would advocate chilling out about text/phone contact early doors but this looks like a classic ghosting about to happen.....also 5 months in and you're monitoring his Facebook activity? Just No.

NaNaNaNaNaNaBatman Thu 25-Aug-16 10:40:57

Thank you everyone, you've confirmed it for me.

Only1scoop I'll send him that.

ISpeakJive Thu 25-Aug-16 10:56:35

After you send that text, block him completely!

FreeFromHarm Thu 25-Aug-16 12:05:10

Yep siree.... Block

toffeeboffin Thu 25-Aug-16 13:24:55

Just get rid of this loser.

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