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Dilemma - abuser now working with students

(13 Posts)
willowcatkin111 Wed 24-Aug-16 19:20:31

I was sexually abused as a child. Ages ago my counsellor asked if I would report him to safeguard others. At the time no one was at risk but I have recently found out he is working in a 6th Form college and actually teaching students (rather than just the management role I thought he had).
There are family issues involved and I could never pursue a formal report; I have always told myself that it was a 'one off' and he won't do it to anyone else but i know that may be unrealistic and knowing how closely involved he will be with students worries me.
I am not sure what to do. If there is an anonymous report (and how do I do that?) could he lose his job, or would they just keep an extra watch to keep people safe?
I am torn by this, I am still dealing with the aftermath so anything 'public' is beyond me, but I do not feel I have the right to risk it happening to someone else. To even have to tell someone to pass on the concerns is a HUGE deal for me - no one in my life currently knows anything about it ....

NEmum Wed 24-Aug-16 19:25:39

Hi there, huge sympathies with you & your position flowers the Local authority designated officer (LADO) would investigate any concerns raised about a person working with children, however it's unlikely this would result in any dismissal due to lack of evidence/conviction.

To be sure that your concerns are properly considered you would have to report the matter to the police & engage with a full criminal investigation.

I'm not telling you what to do, but that is just the way it works...if it didn't work this way people could make false allegations which resulted in people losing their jobs/children.

Really sorry this has happened to you x

Cary2012 Wed 24-Aug-16 19:31:29

You have to decide whether you are prepared to make what happened to you official.

If you can't do that, and I understand why, then no one in authority would take you seriously.

That's harsh, but unfortunately the way it works.

Sorry you had such an awful experience, look after yourself.

Busybusybust Wed 24-Aug-16 19:32:07

How absolutely horrible for you. I think you have to,weigh up the horror of reporting it against the horror of another child being abused.

It seems from your post that he was a family member. And he only did it once? But that does not excuse it. He was an adult: you were a child. I can see it would be difficult, particularly if he is a awl,-respected uncle. Did you tell any family members at the time? Did they believe you?

SandyY2K Wed 24-Aug-16 19:32:16

My DD is about to start 6th form all going well tomorrow. Your post sent shivers down me.

If this has never reported to police it will be difficult to follow through.

You can be protected anonymously, but without involving the police I don't see it going anywhere.

willowcatkin111 Wed 24-Aug-16 20:45:48

Thanks all, that really helps. I know I cannot report it officially and the chances of them prosecuting are pretty much zero given timescale and my word against his (I did tell my grandmother but she is long dead now). However Sandy your post made me stop and think. I will report it anonymously so if he does do it again they are likely to be taken more seriously if the information is in the public domain. Hopefully it won't be an issue but at least I will have done what I can.

Cary2012 Wed 24-Aug-16 21:29:34

They won't take it seriously OP, Sandy was saying your identity would be protected if you made an official report.

If you send an anonymous letter, to the Head, the Governors or the LEA, it is highly unlikely they would react. They might see it as the action of a spurned student, sour grapes, it does happen. Only a proper investigation into his behaviour would occur via an official complaint.

Write a letter if it helps you, that's fine, but don't expect any action. I know that seems unfair, but it's the way it works.

I work in education, by the way.

SandyY2K Wed 24-Aug-16 22:04:49

Please tell me the 6th form college is not in London.

I don't know how long ago this was, but I can tell you that since the Jimmy Saville stuff, historic child abuse claims are taken very seriously.

I do however understand you not want wanting to relive this, as it must have been awful. You do have your counsellor who could testify. But it's your choice and it's not an easy thing to do.

SaltyMyDear Wed 24-Aug-16 22:12:33

My DH didn't report his abuser. He abused again....... (Which he went to jail for)

Reporting won't be easy. But neither will living with yourself if you don't report.

debbs77 Thu 25-Aug-16 08:59:03

What an awful situation.

Could you live with the guilt if he did it to someone again?

willowcatkin111 Thu 25-Aug-16 21:37:54

I have done more research
My counsellor will have destroyed her notes - she only keeps them for 6 months
He will only get on the register after a successful prosecution which I don't think will happen - the cps are not likely to consider it the public interest.
No it is not in London
At least this way the police can decide what to do given his access to young people.

NEmum Thu 25-Aug-16 22:29:44

The cps would bring the case to court if there was a likelihood of a conviction. In order to increase the likelihood you would need to give evidence & be cross examined. The counsellor could not give info on your behalf, although your health records would usually be made available to the court.

A case of sexual abuse would be in the public interest, but it relies on you completely to make the complaint & follow through. Good luck with however you decide to proceed x

NEmum Thu 25-Aug-16 22:32:15

One other thing, I hope you don't have/learn not to have any guilt about this at all. You are not responsible for his actions & you are not obliged to report it. Reporting this would undoubtedly be very very difficult & it must be your decision alone as to if you wish to do so


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