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Advice please..

(20 Posts)
LilJay82 Wed 24-Aug-16 16:36:46

I have a guy in my life won't call him oh because we've never committed to each other but we're really close. He texts me every day and phones and we see each other during the day for a cuppa etc. Before we used to see each other on the weekend when we don't have our dc (he has and i have from prev) but we haven't spent anytime at a weekend for months! I don't think its on purpose he's just been busy with other stuff but i feel really hurt he's always doing other stuff and doesn't spend any time with me.. But i don't know how to say how i feel!! He has had a rough year and is on AD's and i've been there throughout it all. Sorry for being long winded post, just wondered if i should say something and what to say or should i take the hint and just back off coz he's obviously not interested??!! Tia xx

TheNaze73 Wed 24-Aug-16 16:39:08

I think you should just be open & honest & tell him how you feel. Nothing ventured, nothing gained

LilJay82 Wed 24-Aug-16 16:44:23

Yeh i think your right. I think i'm a bit scared that he says oh don't see things like that anymore and it'll hurt me but staying in denial not helping!!x

Hidingtonothing Wed 24-Aug-16 16:58:45

It's hurting you anyway that he's not spending time with you, at least if you know where you stand you can come to terms with it and move on instead of being in limbo because you don't know how he feels. Be brave and have an honest conversation with him, you're worth more than being left wondering where you stand flowers

cozietoesie Wed 24-Aug-16 17:03:17

Yes, it's hurting you anyway.

pasic Wed 24-Aug-16 17:07:07

Does a cuppa etc. mean sex?

LilJay82 Wed 24-Aug-16 17:18:32

No a cuppa is a cuppa just now!! Lol.. When we saw each other at a weekend i would quite often stay over but since he started on the AD's it has affected things in that dept with the side effects of the tablets..x

pasic Wed 24-Aug-16 17:40:11

Well he obviously cares for you OP, he probably avoids meeting up at weekends because sex is a problem for him at the moment and it could be embarrassing. Could you tell him you'd like to see more of him, with no strings attached, if that's how you feel of course?

LilJay82 Mon 29-Aug-16 10:14:44

Oh well that went well.. Text him on Saturday and just said that i was wondering why we haven't spent any time together at weekends this year its just been a quick 5 mins here and there and no reply and not heard from him since!! There's my answer i suppose but a bit awkward as i have some clothes of his as did a load of washing for him as machine had broke.. Not going to text him again as i'm not chasing, fed up. He does sports classes that my ds goes to tonight, so will leave his washing beside his car tonight and this will be the last class anyway as can't afford the next set of fee's..

Resilience16 Mon 29-Aug-16 22:25:44

Well done to you for being brave and asking the question. Sorry he hadn't had the balls to come back to you, but at least you know where you stand now.
You are right not to chase him, he obviously isn't interested for whatever reason, his loss, draw a line under it.
Crap I know, but there will be something better for you out there

19lottie82 Mon 29-Aug-16 22:32:50

Take a step back. If he doesn't get in touch, well, then you will know where you stand and hopefully realise that this guy isn't worth wasting your time over.

jellybelly16 Tue 30-Aug-16 10:28:58

Thanks everyone. He has replied but we have fallen out! He suffers from depression and a bit of anxiety. Just this last year since losing his dad and had to sell his home because of his ex. He went out for a drink at the weekend with friends and i don't know why he does it as drink always make him so down. Its so hard as i don't want to just give up because he has problems but he's shutting me out completely. I asked him to go for a walk today to get out and we could talk about what's making him so down. But he's said he just wants to be left alone today. Honestly don't know what to do x

19lottie82 Tue 30-Aug-16 11:27:24

Honestly? Forget about him OP. In all truthfulness, it sounds like he's just not that into you (sorry).

I'm not denying he has MH problems, but please don't use them as a blanket excuse for him treating you like shit.

He has time to go out with his friends but won't go out for a walk with you?

Please don't romanticise this friendship / possible relationship by focusing on the good bits, it sounds like he doesn't respect you overall and doesn't seem keen on taking things further. If he was, you'd know about it. Depression or no depression.

Forget about him and find someone who will treat you like a princess!

Resilience16 Tue 30-Aug-16 17:37:03

He has made it pretty clear he isn't interested. Give him some space and respect his wishes.
Will end in tears if you keep hassling him.

AyeAmarok Tue 30-Aug-16 17:46:59

I really read your first few posts and thought it sounded like he might be interested in someone else, and that's why he'd cooled things.

Having read your update it sounds more like that's the case, or at least HJNTIY. He's just too much of a coward to say.

Onwards and upwards, at least you know.

jellybelly16 Tue 30-Aug-16 20:21:53

I'd be really surprised if he was seeing someone else as he has his ds half the week and i see or hear from him normally every day apart from the breakdown this weekend. He also has given me his fb password to check his business page while he has no internet and has given me his phone to reply to texts etc before. Not ruling it out but i can't see him fitting it in, plus it would have to just be an emotional relationship as his tablets mean nothing else can happen.. I honestly think he has had some sort of breakdown this weekend and as i am closest he is taking it out on me! I said we'd just sort our stuff out and i'll leave him alone and he said he didn't want that, he can't help the way he is. I'm thinking of asking of we can see his mh nurse together to see ways i can help him and see if i can get him to open up, but stay friends while sorting this out as its too complicated trying for anything else while he obviously has a lot of issues to sort out..x

19lottie82 Tue 30-Aug-16 22:15:01

OP, you're not in a relationship with this man. Seriously, take a step back. His problems aren't your problem.

It sounds like you're hoping something will happen, but again, if he felt that way about you, then you'd know about it.

No doubt he enjoys the attention and someone to pander to his feelings when he's bored / feeling down, but he doesn't want a relationship with you.

Seriously, wake up and spend your time looking for someone who will love you as much as you love them.

I think you know this, and you do too, but I can't see it happening anytime soon, given how you've ignored pretty much all the advice given on here.

I know it's not easy as I've been in a similar situation myself years ago, and when I look back I get so angry that I was such as idiot and wasted X years of my life hanging about for something that was never going to happen.

jellybelly16 Wed 31-Aug-16 05:08:32

You are right and i know you are. Just in total denial that the last couple of years have been wasted and now i have to try and pick myself back up and get over it. I am gutted coz we get on so well and could be good but its just not going to happen. Thank you for everyone that has commented x

19lottie82 Wed 31-Aug-16 06:50:30

No problem OP, I know it's hard when it feels like he's giving you hope, but in reality he's being selfish and stringing you along.

As I said, don't waste anymore time being this guys emotional crutch, when he's not prepared to give anything back, tire better than that! Find someone else who knows it, and treats you accordingly, because you sound like a lovely person smile

AnyFucker Wed 31-Aug-16 07:00:35

Stop trying to fix him. He is not your responsibility. See his MH nurse with him and try and sort out his issues (for him) ?? Have a word with yourself, the bloke can hardly be bothered to give you the time of day !

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