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I'm at the end of my tether with Parents.

(11 Posts)
Borisrules Wed 24-Aug-16 16:34:02

I'll keep it as brief as poss...
They live at least 6 hours drive so we rarely see them. When we do, they stay with us mainly to see DD who is 3
They're pretty pernickety about everything. I thought originally this was instigated by my Dad but in later years it's obvious my mum is the driver. I get phone calls in advance of a visit, telling me they want separate rooms, what type of duvet (the thinnest one possible) special porridge that my Dad has for breakfast, requests for fruit, lunches etc
I have largely facilitated this for an easy life. This time they are here for 5 days. DH is off work but I work long hours and have been getting in at 7pm.
They cannot do anything for themselves. We have had to cook everything, clean up after them, look after DD, make gin and tonics/teas coffee etc according to their whims.
Today they were supposed to be having a day with DD. According to DH they got up at 10 and spent a couple of hours drinking coffee and reading the papers while DH played with DD in garden (paddling pool etc)
I normally manage to keep my temper but I'm about to lose it. What is the point of them coming? They are making life for us a misery and not spending any time with DD.
I would add that I have nothing in common with them anymore. One of them is extremely religious (goes against mine and DH beliefs) they have limited conversation other than continual moaning ("I can't stand that dress" at some random celebrity on TV for example)
On Sat we were out and about and DD fell asleep and I was unlearn to wake her. DM was with her and clearly wanted to go home as she was tiring despite me suggesting we sit for a bit/go for coffee somewhere. I turned my back for a second and they sat DD up in buggy waking her. I was furious. It's like they like the idea of a granddaughter but not the practicalities/inconvenience.
I'm done in. I've got to the point where sadly I feel like I never want to see them again. That makes me feel like an awful person.
Any suggestions? Anyone any experience of Putting parents in hotels (willing to pay) and did it make it better and how did you broach it?
It would be so much better if they lived nearer so we could see them more frequently for shorter periods.
Everything is always to their convenience. Do I need to man up and stand up for myself?
Sorry for venting/rambling....

Cherrysoup Wed 24-Aug-16 17:16:58

How the hell do they survive when at home? One presumes they don't have staff running round after them!! Why do you run round after them? If they want something, why don't they get off their arses and get it?

DailyMailPenisPieces Wed 24-Aug-16 17:25:45

Make your spare room into a playroom for your daughter and put them up in a hotel. Or ask them to babysit endlessly so they don't want to come again, make the G&Ts too weak, buy the wrong fruit etc wink

pallasathena Wed 24-Aug-16 18:35:59

Tell them your home insurance doesn't cover visitors staying so in future, they'll have to go to a hotel. Tell them its a new rule and you don't want them to end up being sued in the event of a flood, hurricane, tempest, plagues of locusts....you get the idea.. give them something else to moan about too.

Joysmum Wed 24-Aug-16 18:43:43

Take a deep breath, get through this visit and then don't have them to stay again.

YetAnotherGuy Wed 24-Aug-16 20:03:51

Perhaps there is one thing thing worse than having them to stay

And that is them not wanting to visit at all

paxillin Wed 24-Aug-16 20:13:52

Stop running around serving them. No big announcements necessary. When the pre-visit fruit orders come say "we're busy, but we'll do our best to have all you need". Mean it. If dad's cereal and fruit can easily be bought in your usual shop, get it. If not, get something similar. When they are there, just don't serve. Give them one room and whatever duvet you have for guests.

Don't expect babysitting or even much interaction with dd so you won't be disappointed. They will either be better guests or stop coming.

Missgraeme Wed 24-Aug-16 20:21:10

Just invent an infectious new childhood illness next time they want to visit. Spots /sickness /the poos!! Doubt you would see them any time soon! Sounds like they just wanted a change of scenery with servants than family time. Doubt a hotel would do much except empty your purse -

wobblywonderwoman Wed 24-Aug-16 20:26:28

They sound ridiculous but not having anything in common with them .. Well that's not the point.

I would tell them that you are busy. They will have to take you as they find you

I would ring your mother and talk to her. Tell her it isn't on

RunRabbitRunRabbit Wed 24-Aug-16 20:38:18

1) You say of their behaviour: I have largely facilitated this for an easy life

2) You started a thread on MN about how their behaviour has you at the end of your tether.

These two things do not seem to match.

How hard would your life be if you didn't give them the cereal and duvet they want or didn't make the tea on demand?

Borisrules Wed 24-Aug-16 22:49:02

Thanks everyone. I agree completely about me facilitating this. I wondered about reasserting some boundaries and now it seems is the time. We have left on good terms and I will discuss everything else with them in the interim.

Yetanotherguy
You are so right in some ways. They are getting older and frailer and there will be one day when they are not here so I absolutely HATE feeling like this however little we have in common and however much work it is, but this visit has been unreasonable. More so than ever before.

We are having a big (4 month) extension next year so I plan to suggest a hotel to them when the house is out of action next year and see how that goes.
We could go to visit them but it's 6.5 hours each way and there's nothing in it for DD. They refuse to move nearer (despite their whole family being nearer) citing house prices as a negative and Skype as a suitable alternative.

We're stuck.
My in-laws however are utterly delightful and are so low maintenance it almost restores the balance IFYSWIM....

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