Is this too much contact for 2 year old?

[Ilovepeanutbutter]

I wonder how others have managed contact arrangements for very young children.

Separated beginning of summer. Toddler seems to be struggling spending time between 2 homes. Eldest child seems fine. They are spending 3 nights with their Dad.

I'm really torn between thinking toddler needs security and continuity of sleeping in one place, having a "main" home - with me - weighed up against the long term benefits of a home and meaningful relationship with both parents.

Is he a bit young to split his time like this? Should this be for the future.

I am a SAHM and he's never been in childcare. Much as he loves his Dad I worry that he's lost his security.

[Ilovepeanutbutter]

Anyone?

[Stinkybadger]

It's very early days. My youngest was not yet one when I separated from dh. We've tried various contact arrangements but the one we use at the moment works best, where dcs spend half the week with each of us. That way we both get a weekend day and can both do school runs too.
Give him time. It will get better x

[Cherrysoup]

Are you on good terms with your ex? Have you discussed this with him? It's a way of life, I don't imagine that your toddler will fall apart from loving like this, I think there are many children who live like this nowadays. Perhaps you're over worrying. What makes you concerned?

[Northernparent68]

It's early days, I'd stick with the current arrangement, a change might cause more confusion, and could cause problems with your ex.

I do not mean this harshly but it may be the separation itself that is unsettling the youngest rather than the arrangements for contact.

[Ilovepeanutbutter]

Yes we seem to be managing to stay on reasonably good terms. But he has no opinions on what's best, says he'll go along with whatever. Which is sort of great, no arguing, but doesn't really help work things out.

Toddler very clingy, won't let me out of sight. Is sleeping with me at nights. Which I guess is what you'd expect. It's a big change.

General consensus of family/friends is that children need security of one home. Which doesn't seem best to me. But makes it difficult to be sure.

Yes Northernparent. Maybe so.

[bluebeck]

No I don't think it is too much contact - many children are on 50/50 contact, it's not unusual. More likely that your youngest is just a bit more sensitive about the split.

Give it time, and make sure they don't pick up on any anxiety from you. I don't mean you are deliberately being anxious around them, just bear it in mind, they will follow your lead.

I hope things settle down soon for you

[BlackVelvet1]

I'll go against the grain and say it might not suit your DS and really depends on personnality. My DS (now 3) prefers the same bedtime routine everyday, otherwise he can become very anxious and I know a setting like that would definitely not work for him.

[purplefox]

My DS had 3 nights a week at his dads when he was 2-3, it didn't work at all but ex was adamant it was for the best. When it finally stopped DSs behaviour and various other issues (relationships at nursery, anxiety about being left at nursery and so on) improved, he became so much happier and settled.

[Ilovepeanutbutter]

There's no easy answer.
I'm hoping I'm not passing on anxiety. I am the one thought lots of contact would be good. But I don't want optimism to make me blind to my child struggling.
It feels difficult for DC2 to settle here - new house, we moved out. Because as soon as he's relaxing he's off again.