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Sudden anger and resentment towards my mother

(5 Posts)
sammyjayneex Wed 24-Aug-16 13:36:44

Since being pregnant with my 5th child I distanced myself from my mother. I used to spend a lot of time with her up until then. I originally thought I distanced myself from her due to hormones and because my sister used to come to me complaining about her a lot so it kinda made my feelings towards her worse but now 11 weeks after giving birth I still feel extremely angry at her. I think ive finally realised a lot of stuff and 'woke up' to things that I have probably bottled up over the years. In my opinion she was very selfish. I have had OCD since I was a child and she must have noticed my rituals as even my little sister noticed but she never took me to the doctors so I still have it now as a 28 year old adult. If she would have got me help as a child I might not have the same difficulties now. I also had SVT heart condition which I have since as as an adult got checked out after suffering years of symptoms since childhood that she didn't bother to get me help for.. I literally suffered as a child with these things. She was so wrapped up in herself and still is. Al she cared about was whether her and my step dad had enough booze and cigarettes in the house. Booze wools alphas come first and we would eat the most processed crap going just so they could afford booze. My step dad warned avoid wage but we always seemed to eat crap.. Never had new clothes and literally walked round like tramps. I have little memories of child hood as if my mind has blocked it put bit recently I've started to resent her so much and don't want her near me. She wants to come up tonight and I've said yes and I will try to be nice as kids wants to see their nana as well but how do I stop flipping out at her. She also expects me to cook a separate meal for her coz she doesn't want to eat what we are eating... This is how selfish she is
Something else happened to me on childhood That I can only remember small details about as well that o now realise was wrong. How do I get over this?

pallasathena Wed 24-Aug-16 16:39:19

You're finally separating emotionally. Most people do it late teens/twenties. Its all part of the natural separation process that transitions us from adolescence to adulthood.
You were probably too enmeshed during those particular formative years and only now are you belatedly finding your voice.

MatildaTheCat Wed 24-Aug-16 17:52:56

You don't have to see her at all or only on your terms. So if she doesn't want your meal you don't cook another, you say ok, maybe another time or, ok come for an hour before dinner then go home for yours. Etc.

And it sounds as if you could do with a long break before seeing her. You must have your hands very full without pandering to her.

Yoksha Wed 24-Aug-16 18:37:11

You need to lay down boundaries. The meal is a good place to start. If it's not possible this time. Next time it arises. Just say to her that's what's on offer, take it or leave it. If you feel brave enough tell her you can't be arsed to cook another meal. It'll be justified. You've got your hands full.

Small steps. You'll get your inner strength.

LineyReborn Wed 24-Aug-16 18:42:15

The 'something else' that happened in childhood. Do you have someone to confide in? Or is it too soon to try and start saying the words? I'm so sorry you had a shit time. I hurts, I know flowers

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