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Strange attitude to relationship/cheating

(3 Posts)
DoofusMcfoofus Wed 24-Aug-16 10:52:15

My OH has just approached me and asked my opinion on a situation he has managed to get himself dragged into and, tbh, I'm a bit agog.

OH has accidently become a confidante for a couple he works with, they are both female. One of the females is bi-sexual, the other gay (and much younger) this is relevent. The whole relationship is, for all intents and purposes, pretty horrendous and this is just the tip of the iceburg in the wrongness.

Today he received a message from one of the women. She is struggling with aspects of the relationship and seems to have issues with recognising when boundaries have been over-stepped. She is away for a few days next for work and has been told by her GF that she is going to a party where her exBF will be. That in itself probably wouldn't have been an issue but her GF has said, in the past, that that the other woman has always been aware that she is bi and that she shouldn't have a problem with her occassionally sleeping with men as 'it's different'. She is questionning if this is the case, should she just accept it isn't cheating because it's with a man and not a woman?

Now, call me old fashioned, but I think that's a bloody awful attitude to have. A relationship is a relationship regardless of sexual orientation and anything outside of that is cheating, no?! This poor woman is now questionning her own stance on things (and, as I have said, there are many other issues and this is the tip of the iceburg). OH has no idea what he's supposed to say and now wishes that he was more abrupt with the 'I'm not getting involved'.

SquidgyRedBall Wed 24-Aug-16 18:50:08

I would say it's up to the couple to set boundaries on what is and is not classed as cheating.

Me, personally, if DP did any thing with a man or woman I would consider it cheating.

Other couples are a bit more open and free about these kind of things.

If one of the women is uncomfortable with the other sleeping with a man (or a woman) and considers it cheating then that's what it is. Just because her ex's don't consider it cheating doesn't mean they are right or wrong, just different strokes for different folks pun intended

harderandharder2breathe Wed 24-Aug-16 19:31:38

I'm in a relationship with a bisexual woman and would definitely consider sex (or anything sexual tbh) with someone else cheating regardless of gender. I'm confident that she would say the same.

But if both people in the relationship are happy that one of them can sleep with someone of the opposite sex without it counting as cheating then that's their business. Only if they're both happy with the situation though.

It doesn't sound like this is the case though, if one person is just expecting to be ok with it.

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