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Not sure when to say enough is enough

(6 Posts)
Halloweenbaby Tue 23-Aug-16 19:26:00

Been with dp 10 years, about to have our 1st Baby in a few weeks.
I know you're all going to say ltb but I just dont feel strong enough I love him and am comforted by him so much he has been the only thing I have known really as i met him when I was just out of school. We tried for a year for this baby but he has made the whole pregnancy pretty miserable for me, I have never trusted him with other women but when I was 6 months pregnant I found messages to another woman on his phone some of which telling each other they love each other and some sexual content. Had major second thoughts then and as I didn't want to be a single parent and because I can't imagine life without him I let him stay after him begging for forgiveness and swearing to never speak to ow again. He pays 70% of rent/bills and I pay the rest we both have about the same amount of disposable income, him maybe a little less but he has brought our baby nothing. He drinks although not loads every single day but denys having a problem even though he used to and alchoholism runs in his family. Had an argument recently over him lending family members money but not providing which upsets me massively as I thought this baby was what he wanted just as much as me and he's left. I'm not sure if he will come back, he has no other place to go. I know he hates me- why else would he treat me like this? I just can't let him go and feel so sad for our baby and myself actually, this wasn't the life I had planned for myself.

12hours Tue 23-Aug-16 19:43:23

Hi Halloween. I am so sorry that you are going through this at what should be the happiest time for you. I don't think anyone plans to go it alone with a baby, but from what you have said, he hasn't made your pregnancy a good experience, so why do you think it will be different when the baby is here? If this is his general behaviour, might you be better cutting him off now. Imagine how hard it would be if the baby gets to know him and then he storms out again? This is probably the best time to go this. Having a baby will give you a strength you never knew you had and caring for the baby will be a great distraction and keep your mind off him. You can live without him. I had a boyfriend straight out of school for 8 years, I didn't know any different than him. I was in bits when we split (no children or anything) and of course I was fine. It did hurt and I was in a state for a while, but it was all fine. Please now when you are about to be a new mother, think enough of yourself and your child to know that you deserve better than the treatment you are getting. He sounds like an arsehole who is doing what he wants and how he wants. If he storms off over an argument over something like that, how is he going to be with w baby in the house? You will be tired and things get said when people are tired and stressed, what will he do then? Just go again? Please look after yourself and your health, let him go off and act like a chip. Take care.

12hours Tue 23-Aug-16 19:43:49

Act like a child, not a chip! smile

Melmelmel687 Tue 23-Aug-16 19:59:32

Hate to say it but things will get worse by sounds of it. You need to discover self worth and get stronger. He is dragging you down

FurkinA Tue 23-Aug-16 20:10:53

You need to LTB. You might find it easier to do it after the baby though. I'd start squirrelling away money for a rainy day.

Have you got family you could stay who would help you with the baby?

Halloweenbaby Tue 23-Aug-16 20:38:59

Thanks for replies.
No i don't have anywhere to go really, I do have some friends not much family but they all have their own lives and can't fit baby and myself in. I am financially not stable enough on my own, I don't get paid much as I have dropped hours at work and will soon be receiving smp which doesn't even cover my bills, dp was going to see to the short fall or that's what I was hoping, probably not
Even after everything he has done, just a cuddle from him would make me feel so much better.

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