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Leaving tomorrow. Scared witless.

(108 Posts)
flyblossom Tue 23-Aug-16 10:39:39

Hello. A couple of weeks ago I had a thread about leaving my partner, I'm sorry I don't know how to link.
Well, d day is tomorrow. I've managed to find a 3 bedroom bungalow that accepts hb which was a feat in itself!
Tomorrow I have hired a van, it's coming at 9.30.
I have packed as much as I can without him noticing.
It's just that I feel so guilty. He literally has no clue whatsoever.
He's being nice at the moment, probably because everything is going his way.
I signed the tenancy today so there's no going back.
I know I'm doing the right thing, I keep reminding myself how he acts and treats us (my 2 dd).
I just feel really guilty and sad for him.
I'm not going to tell him to his face, I know it's cowardly but I am really scared. I was going to leave a note. I have told him before that I wanted to leave but he made me feel really guilty and that he only critisizes us to help us.
I'm sorry I'm rambling but my mind is going 100 miles an hour. I feel sick and want to cry.
Thanks for reading.

Darcychu Tue 23-Aug-16 11:07:48

Im Proud of you, Too many times i hear of people who just stay not matter how bad it is.. so really proud of you for standing up for you and your child, I was 15 when my mum left my dad( although not bio dad) and i was pleased as he wasn't good for her.

Now shes much happier and is actually engaged to a wonderful guy that calls me his daughter, I would dread to think what she would be like is she hadnt of left.

You did the right thing

mrsnoon Tue 23-Aug-16 11:09:32

Haven't read your last thread but just wanted to say good luck.

homeaway Tue 23-Aug-16 11:11:01

Good luck

MessyBun247 Tue 23-Aug-16 11:14:05

Good luck, it won't be easy but your life is about to change for the better. flowers

LadyPenelope68 Tue 23-Aug-16 11:15:21

Good luck and stay positive! flowers

DaDman66 Tue 23-Aug-16 11:16:16

Is there any nearby who can be there with you at the time? I've not read your previous thread but you say your scared so that suggests you have reason to be.

What you've done is amazing. Just remember that it's the right thing to do to work towards a happy future for you all.

Good luck.

DoreenLethal Tue 23-Aug-16 11:17:41

Wow - well done you.

The feeling you feel can be viewed negatively as being scared, and positively as being excited. Imagine NOT being criticised every day smile

Don't worry about leaving a note - anyone who treats his partner and child badly doesn't deserve any more than that. Just remember today and tonight that tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life.

BeMorePanda Tue 23-Aug-16 11:18:11

well done & good luck.

don't waste your sadness and guilt on him - he's a grown up and in control of his own life, just as you are.

You've done really well to organise everything so far & you are making really important changes in your lives.


KittyKrap Tue 23-Aug-16 11:24:41

Well done!
It IS scary and you may have doubts but never go back, you and the dd's will be so much happier.

MsKite Tue 23-Aug-16 11:28:58

Well done! Will you be safe when leaving? Is there anyone who can support you? Is your partner violent?

DearMrDilkington Tue 23-Aug-16 11:35:18

Well done you! Will he be there tomorrow when the van comes? Make sure you don't give him your new address if his aggressive. I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible and good luckflowers.

flyblossom Tue 23-Aug-16 12:01:20

Thanks for all your encouraging messages.
He won't be here tomorrow. I don't have anyone in rl to be there with me.
He gets very, very angry. He slams doors and punches and kicks furniture. He's never hit me. I used to feel grateful for this shock
I've been reading another thread on aibu about sexual coercion. This mirrors my life. All the posters are telling the op she has to get out, this has given me reassurance that I'm doing the right thing.
It's been 20 long years, I feel in a way I'm being released from prison tomorrow, that's what it's felt like all these years, being in prison. Being told where I can go, constantly texting me if I'm out, getting annoyed if I don't answer a text straight away. The list goes on.
He'll find out where I am because he's a local postman.
I promised my younger daughter that we would stay in the same town so she wouldn't have to change schools.
My dd1 who is 18 is so pleased we're moving out. She doesn't like her dad.

DearMrDilkington Tue 23-Aug-16 13:23:01

Your 100% doing the right thing so please try not to feel guilty. After all if he wasn't such an arse towards you then you wouldn't need to leave iyswim? Good luck with the move and starting your new lifeflowers.

Purplebluebird Tue 23-Aug-16 13:27:03

You're doing the right thing, and I wish you strength and the best of luck!

whitehandledkitchenknife Tue 23-Aug-16 13:32:19

Well done flyblossom flowers.Just think of waking up in your own bed without him. You'll be able to breathe again. All the best.

starsandstripes2016 Tue 23-Aug-16 13:46:29


MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Tue 23-Aug-16 13:48:46

Good luck!! We are all behind you

Iamdobby63 Tue 23-Aug-16 13:49:20

You should be really proud of yourself, you have done exactly the right thing and will be an inspiration to others on here.

Hope the move goes well and I wish you peace and happiness for your future.

Well done!

juneau Tue 23-Aug-16 13:51:30

You're definitely doing the right thing. Good luck tomorrow. And get a new phone (or at least a new SIM and number).

Lillygolightly Tue 23-Aug-16 13:52:55

I've done the same thing just a short while ago. I felt exactly the same...scared/sick/guilt etc. I still feel guilty but I know I did the right thing. If I had tried to do it any other way it would never have happened he would never have let me go.

I am ok and I'm better you will be too! Well done!

Kimchi Tue 23-Aug-16 13:53:41

Good luck smile This is very scary for you. A big step. I have no idea if this helps but I read a book recently about creativity and a big part of it was about dealing with fear. It talked about acknowledging the fear and thanking it for its opinion. It was welcome to come along for the ride because fear is only ever around when something matters. But fear doesn't get to dictate which was we go. I have no idea if that helps reset your mindset.

CrazyDuchess Tue 23-Aug-16 14:03:26

Oh wow - good luck OP!!! flowers

EttaJ Tue 23-Aug-16 14:07:39

You are so brave ! Totally doing the right thing! Good luck!!! 💐

123therearenomoreusernames Tue 23-Aug-16 14:14:41

Good luck Flyblossom flowers

Make sure you have phone numbwrs for womens Aid etc

It will be tough at the start so write a list now of the reasons you are doing this so in your weaker moments you can read it.

Be very careful to cover your tracks to this thread.

When you get time and are settled try and get on the Freedom Programme. You can do it online but it's like a support group if you do it with other women.

Postman or not he will breach the Data protection act if he gets your address that way and if he does report him!

Sending you loads of luck!!

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