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Help - want to leave but not sure where I stand

(5 Posts)
Nativitylobster Mon 22-Aug-16 20:24:53

I love with 'd'h and our 2 ds (3 and 6 months). There's nothing monumentally wrong with our relationship it's just a lot of little things adding up. He's rubbish with money, always wants the latest thing or has some crazy money making scheme. I'm desperate to own a house but with h's poor money management the £4000 I had saved toward a deposit is now gone. He doesn't help out around the house. I'm a sahm and h works long hours (his career consists of long hours for little money). I try to do most of the house work as I am grateful that I can stay at home with my boys but h does nothing to help out. I'm just getting sick of arguing about things and nothing changing. I know I'm not perfect but I am trying to change my bad ways whereas h doesn't seem to be.
I want to leave but I'm not sure where I stand. We live in a council house which is in both our names. As a sahm I don't have any income, I was going to go back to work when ds1 gets his free playgroup place although I don't want to leave ds2 we need the money. I don't know how I will go about leaving and make sure I have enough money to support my boys. And I would hate to even think about the cost of a divorce. I don't really want to move dc out of their home but I will of I have no other choice. Can anyone tell me where to even start.

Sorry for the long post.

pallasathena Mon 22-Aug-16 20:50:09

Sit down with your partner and tell him you've decided you want to end the relationship. Work out how you can stay in the house with the children and how he can sort out alternative accommodation.
If you log onto 'Entitled to', you should be able to work out what benefits you can claim.
Citizens Advice will have a list of solicitors who can advise you re divorce, they will offer a free half hour session and answer any questions you will have.
Emotionally, it is hard to split up and you'll probably veer between wanting him to stay and wanting him to go. But, and its a huge but, if you want to shape your life into something that's bigger and better than what you have now, stick fast to the decision to get him to leave and make a bigger and better life for yourself and your kids.
I did just that many years ago and I now have the life I could only dream of back then. Its hard but its worth it.

Nativitylobster Mon 22-Aug-16 21:16:58

Thank you. I keep going backwards and forwards between wanting him gone and wanting him to stay. I feel like I'm watching my life pass me by as I clean up one financial mess after another. I'll check out entitled to. I hate the idea of being divorced but I can't do this any more.

Nativitylobster Tue 23-Aug-16 07:55:07

I spoke to h last night. He hardly even acknowledged me saying I wanted to leave and this morning he hasn't said a word to me but is going about his daily routine like nothing has happened (as usual he's getting himself sorted but has left ds1 running around naked while I bf ds2 rather than help by getting ds1 dressed). Is it too much to ask for some recognition of my feelings or some sort of reaction to me saying I'm leaving.

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Tue 23-Aug-16 09:05:07

Tell him to get him dressed!

Without him agreeing to go you are kind of stuck! Do you have family you could move to?

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