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Feeling jealous and insecure.

(5 Posts)
BrieAndChilli Mon 22-Aug-16 09:18:57

I need to try and clear my head as I'm feeling so all over the place at the moment.

The last couple of years I have had a very low libido which I know upset DH. I worked very late evenings and he worked days and some days we were like shops in the night and I was very tired all the time.
About 10 months or so ago we had a heart to heart and DH confessed e had downloaded tindr and been browsing women in the area as he had felt so neglected by me. He was in tears and I believe nothing ever happened. He brought this up I had no reason to be suspicious, he was only ever at work or with us.
We got over that and by some miracle a few months later my libido returned with avengence. Combined with me changing jobs to a day job now that DS2 had started school.
After a few weeks of having sex most days DH started not wanting sex when I iniated it, and when he did agree to sex it would be with a sigh and him saying things like "if you want to I suppose you can have me" oh not again" slowly all affection stopped I think that it could go days without him Iniating any contact with me and if I went to cuddle him he would keep his arms by his side and not respond.
The last couple of months things have improved greatly, sex is great - amazing and little signs of affection have increased.
All good except I was 2 stone over weight and have now lost 1.5 stone but am struggling due to previously having an eating disorder in my teens.
I have very low self esteem at the moment about my weight and looks so have become increasingly paranoid and jealous
DH goes to the gym and In particular a boot camp with a group of people, they have just done tough mudder as a team which is mixed gender which I am fine with EXCEPT his friendship with one of the women (I'm fine with his friendships with other women it's just this particular one I am worked up about)
There are several women in his team, plus he does beavers with 2 women but he never mentions anything about them (I don't even know the names of the other women at boot camp) but he mentions this one woman all the time, he knows all about he marriage/ when she split up with her husband/when they got together/all about the MIL and interfence in their marriage. He is now doing a race similar to tough mudder with her but just the 2 of them (which will probably mean cost runs just the 2 of them)
We have talked about it but he just got really defensive and insisting he isn't having an affair (which I DO believe just I feel the potential for an affair is there)
I really want to ask him not to do anything with her which is just the 2 of them (after this next race as already paid for) as it makes me really uncomfortable even if it's all in my head.
Would it be inreasonable to ask him to do this for my sanity? Or is my low self esteem at the moment clouding this judgment? I feel that as his wife my well being should be more important than his friendship with her but not sure if I'm being to demanding and controlling??

adora1 Mon 22-Aug-16 15:54:33

You do not trust him and have good grounds not to, I'd be livid about the Tinder, he then has the cheek to feel like he is doing you a favour by having sex with you, no sorry I'd not trust him an inch either, he should be all over you trying to make you believe he actually wants to be in a relationship with you, not the other way around!

MotherOfROC Mon 22-Aug-16 18:13:03

I would tell him and how it makes you feel uncomfortable and ask him how would he feel if the roles were reversered

BrieAndChilli Mon 22-Aug-16 18:47:22

We had a bit of a heart to heart today about everything and without me mentioning it he offered to give up the gym and running so he wouldn't see her as his marriage meant more. We still need to work on things a bit but the fact he offered to do that has made me feel much better and means a lot to me.

Resilience16 Wed 24-Aug-16 20:08:48

Mmmn. Gut feeling is usually right. And look up "mentionitis".
Hope it all works out for you both.

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