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dealbraker? friends blaming me

(14 Posts)
maggiethemagpie Mon 22-Aug-16 04:53:03

I have a friend who is usually get on well with but have noticed a few times that if I try to challenge her on something that she's done that I'm not happy with, she will twist it round to make it my fault. for example she lost some makeup of mine at a festival I got a bit bothered and she then said I was upsetting her for making a fuss and her husband spoke aggressively to me telling me to be gone by the next day. no apology and then I get teased for being naughty. he completely denied telling me to leave site saying he wouldn't have said this. they then said saracsticaly whenever Maggie says anything just say yes Maggie. we don't to hear this or engage. they then said I always thought I was right and was bossy. said jokingly but in a teasing kind of way. then 'you're being naughty Maggie for daring to bring it up. so I feel ignored, dismissed, my feelings don't count.

they seem.to be unable to see the part they played and it's all my fault. if I stand my ground I'm told I'm bossy.

this has happened a few times. I'm not prepared to be emotionally manipulated this way. I tried to discuss and just got a sarcastic "yes maggie".

I am beginning to think this is a deal breaker. shout and chase me in public telling me to leave the festival, then say he would not have said this so I'm lying. so basically it's all my fault and don't date suggest otherwise?

sits really uncomfortable with me, as its basically ignoting my feelings, should I end this friendship or back off? I'd be willing to discuss it but they aren't, and it's niggling me
I said why am I bossy and they said I think my way is always right. well I do think he was out of order but I get a go away we don't want to hear message if I broach it.

GarlicMistake Mon 22-Aug-16 06:29:30

You should end this friendship just for calling you naughty! Presumably you're not a young child, with them in a parental role? If that were the case, they shouldn't have sent you off site wink

This relationship is definitely not good for you. They seem to be reinforcing their bond by bullying you - it's "us versus them" and you're "them". They're also boosting each other's ego by being superior about you.

They aren't your friends. Dump them.

PickledCauliflower Mon 22-Aug-16 06:54:36

They both sound very odd indeed. Scolding you like a naughty child and then ordering you to leave a music festival?
Weird. I would have no more to do with them.

Rainbowunicorn73 Mon 22-Aug-16 07:19:53

I would back right off, they're not valuing you and your feelings at all, losing your stuff, being aggressive, refusing to hear your opinions. Sounds like this friendship will drag you down and make you feel crap about yourself.
I'd severely limit the amount of time spent with these people.

Ragwort Mon 22-Aug-16 07:23:40

Walk away from these people - find yourself some new friends.

Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing that they've hurt your feelings by their childish behaviour.

LineyReborn Mon 22-Aug-16 07:27:40

They chased you in public and shouted at you to leave the festival site?

They sound deranged.

RoughMagic Mon 22-Aug-16 07:36:43

They sound horrible. And more than a little odd. Friends are supposed to have our back, to make time spent with them enjoyable, to enhance our lives. Do they do any of those things? Thought not. It's time to move on and find yourself some new friends.

Joysmum Mon 22-Aug-16 07:55:51

My guiding light on anything relationships wise is to switch the situation. Would I be able to behave as they are? If I could, would I feel happy with myself.

I have standards on how I treat my friends, I expect those same standards in return.

FeckinCrutches Mon 22-Aug-16 08:01:50

I remember your other thread about these idiots. You should have cut them off then.

ToastDemon Mon 22-Aug-16 08:11:19

Yes I remember your previous post. I don't understand why you're still in touch with them.

Cabrinha Mon 22-Aug-16 08:22:28

Another one reading and thinking "you posted before, it was clear cut that they were horrible people, why are you even posting this?"

So - why are you?

You've only known this woman a year, infrequently see her, and at this festival she fucked off to see her mates there and left you sat around in a tent waiting for her. Then they all shouted at you.

Why on earth are you still in touch with them?

WoburnSands Mon 22-Aug-16 08:28:07

Speaking from previous, bitter experience I would dump them immediately!

maggiethemagpie Mon 22-Aug-16 10:31:56

To those wondering why I'm still in touch, she did phone up and apologise for her behaviour at the festival which I thought was big of her.

my mum is very much one for provoking you then getting upset at your reaction and blaming you for upsetting her. this feels similar. it's like my needs/feelings don't count, and they are minimising me then teasing me for bringing it up.

I'm not going to say anything to people so clearly un self aware. it would be pointless. I'll thank them for having us stay, go.home and lay low for a while. I think most people accept their bulls hit but the fact that I challenge it makes them feel threatened.

Time to cut my losses. we had some good times in the past but it's not worth it to be made to feel like shit and then again when I bring it up.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Mon 22-Aug-16 11:16:24

Go home. If she calls again be polite but be so so busy and unavailable to meet up.

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