Had enough, desperate

[Endofthelinee]

I have two small dc and I'm pregnant. I get depressed when I'm pregnant and dealing with the two of them is too much. I almost walked out tonight and left them on their own (neither of them can walk or talk yet).

I'm wishing I was dead. Crying all the time. Shouting at them and getting very angry. I just want it all to stop. I'm being such a horrible mum I hate myself.

Dh is at work (works 12 hour shifts) until 8.30. I've told him how much I'm struggling but he needs to work or we don't eat. His family aren't much help and mine are all 3 hours or more away. I feel so helpless and useless. I feel like I'm going to harm the unborn baby with all the stress I'm feeling. Feel so alone. Going to see gp tomorrow and ask for help.

Thanks for reading.

[Resilience16]

Big hug here for you. Looking after little kids is hard bloody work, more so if you are pregnant and depressed also, no wonder you feel overwhelmed.
Please don't beat yourself up. You are not a horrible mum, just someone trying hard to cope with a stressful situation. You are not helpless or useless. You realise you have a problem and that is the first step to getting help to sort it out.
Do go to your gp tomorrow and explain how you feel, and ask for help. Is there a mums group in your area that you could take the kids to,just to get some adult conversation and a bit of a change of scenery? Would it be possible to put them in to nursery for a few hours a week, to give you a bit of breathing space?
Have you or him actually asked any of his family if they can help out? If they knew how stressed you were getting they might be at least occasionally be able to help out?

[keepingonrunning]

Big virtual hugs.
GP - very good idea.
Speak to a health visitor.
Family Lives helpline, phone, email, live chat 24 hrs 0808 800 2222 www.familylives.org.uk
Do you have a Sure Start Children's Centre nearby?