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In bits this evening. It's possibly all over.

(16 Posts)
Kirriemuir Sun 21-Aug-16 18:38:44

DH works hard. I know that. 8-6 every 5 days in a physical job. He's tired at night and at the weekend.

I work 32 hours a week. I finish early 2 days to collect DS from school to do sports, homework etc.

We have a cleaner. Used to be every week but I cut back to fort nightly and asked DH for help just keeping on top of things. DH can't shut a fucking door behind himself. It literally drives me fucking nuts. Everything in the house is left to me. I can't remember the last time he even put the bin out.

Yesterday morning we both had to be out first thing. Both got in at 10.30 and I asked for help sorting the kitchen - it really looked like a bomb had gone off. Clothes on the floor, gym kits, school bags and lots of dishes from Friday etc. I asked for the help, I did something else to turn round and see he'd taken himself off to bed, shut the door, curtains shut etc. I walked in and said I'd asked for help. His response was that it was Saturday and he needed a rest. I told him not to dare come out with that shit and walked out. Silent treatment for the rest of the day. I apologised for shouting but explained I was extremely hurt that I'd asked for help and he turned about and went to bed.

On and off silent treatment until tonight. Lots of puffing and sighing when I've tried to make conversation. I've tried to be chatty about DS, sports with both enjoy etc and about 2 hours ago I just said to him what's going on? I can't live like this with the silent treatment. I apologised for having a go over 24 hours ago and he's still treating me like shit. His response was he feels like a burden in the house. Did he want him to move out. I said I don't know but I can't continue like this with the silent treatment and every weekend him being the same

DH does as he pleases during the week due to the long commute he has and the long hours he works. All I need is some help in the house.

I love him but I just don't know if I was to live with him anymore

This all sounds very petty. I just want to be on my own with DS.

He feels a burden and I feel like a fucking slave.

I a, sorry for rambling. I am trying really hard not to cry.

MaryMargaret Sun 21-Aug-16 18:45:30

Don't know what to suggest but you clearly can't carry on like this.

You should both get equal free time.

MudCity Sun 21-Aug-16 18:53:31

It sounds like you are both tired and overwhelmed. If you can, put the cleaner back up to weekly to help you stay on top of things. Yes, it's a luxury but, if it helps your family life go smoothly then so be it.

Either that or tell DS where to put his gym bag, clothes, school bags, dishes because he could be helping too (and it is a good life lesson!).

If you don't have a dishwasher then get one!

Mybugslife Sun 21-Aug-16 19:01:36

I half agree with mudcity that your son should be helping out in little ways with keeping the house tidy but more to the point so should your ''D''H! You feel like a slave because he's treating you like one. Yes he works, but so do you! I'd be going on strike if that was my DH. It's not on he thinks treating you like that is okay, you asked for help and he just ignored you! He's not above you because he works longer hours, you are equal in this relationship and he needs to realise that!

Kirriemuir Sun 21-Aug-16 19:29:27

Thanks for listening. I'm a bit more together now.

The stuff on the floor isn't DS. He's pretty good. We both go to the gym on a Friday night so it's our stuff dumped and left for washing on a Friday. Friday's are a tough day. DH leaves at 6.45 and gets in about 8.30 after his work and then the gym.

I leave at 8.30 for school and work. Do pick up after school club at 5.15, takeaway tea for DS, get him changed in the car and Into Cubs at 6.15. I then get to the gym, do a quick food shop, pick up from Cubs at 7.40 and drive home for about 7.50 pm. We're all knackered and just want to sit hence kitchen becomes a dumping ground.

Mybugslife Sun 21-Aug-16 19:45:12

That's fair OP we all have days like that, but it doesn't change the fact he should be helping. Sorry to be so blunt but he really sounds pretty horrible, he shouldn't be treating you like that X

whimsical1975 Sun 21-Aug-16 19:45:40

Working 8-6 five days a week is not exactly long hours... it's a pretty standard full time job! You need a husband who doesn't see all household chores are your responsibility! If he can't do his share during the week then he needs to get a cleaner in more often to cover the week!! If the week is kept up to date then there's no need to spend hours on a weekend. There is no excuse for not pulling his weight when he's not working.

Cabrinha Sun 21-Aug-16 22:42:38

Did you mean working 6-8 not 8-6?

Because 8-6 is quite possibly a shorter day than a lot of people do, with traffic and commutes being what they are.

8-6 is pretty bloody average!

I could not be listening to "I'm a burden". What self indulgent crap! Yes, you are - sort it out. Unless people are wantonly creating mess, 2 grown adults in normal length jobs with one child do not create that much mess. He's being an arsehole both in creating it and not clearing it up.

I'd divvy up the jobs and tell him to grow the fuck up.

AnyFucker Sun 21-Aug-16 22:47:13

What cabrinha said

He's a lazy fuck who thinks you should do all the shitwork because you have a vagina

Too right he is a burden because if he pissed off you would have one third less of the mess to clear up ( and no whingeing kite to look at. ...result)

Benedikte2 Sun 21-Aug-16 22:49:31

Maybe see about relationship counselling where he can hear what you are saying and acknowledge he also has a responsibility for household chores etc. Where ever he lives the same old chores will need to be done plus cooking.
I can appreciate that he gets tired from work but you aren't asking him to do much on a regular basis after work. You don't get a break on weekends if he doesn't lift a finger!
Good luck

Benedikte2 Sun 21-Aug-16 22:53:26

PS OP I ended up feeling like a single mother looking after a toddler and working full time and it was actually a relief to be by myself with my DC . I had just as much housework but did it to my timetable, didn't have to cook for XH and there was an absence of tension etc etc. Sometimes a spouse can end up being just another child for you to care for and a grumpy one, at that.

Jayfee Sun 21-Aug-16 23:10:37

Well to swap things around, if my husband started nagging me about tidying up at half past ten at night, I would be really angry. I would want to be unwinding or going to bed if tired. Surely the kitchen could be sorted in the morning? Things aren't all one sided. And depending on the type of physical job, for example working on a building site all day or in a busy hospital role would leave anyone tired. And if your children are both at school, you have 18 hours less working time than him, so regardless of gender, you can do more in the home if that is what matters to you.

So I think you need to take a step back and perhaps arrange to go to relate so that both points of view are considered. If you marry someone and have two children then presumably there is/was some love between you. Life isn't right now, but there are two sides to this situation I feel.

whatyouseeiswhatyouget Sun 21-Aug-16 23:18:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyFucker Sun 21-Aug-16 23:31:57

Always a man pleaser turning up to tell women to STFU and make him a sandwich.

SandyY2K Mon 22-Aug-16 00:33:34

8 - 6 is more than standard to me. That's 50 hours work plus travelling time.

It also depends on what type of work he's doing. I think you need the cleaner once a week instead of getting into arguments over it.

My friend said she told her DH that as she was increasing to full time hours he'd need to help with the cleaning on the weekend.

He said he works hard all week and didn't want to spend his weekend cleaning, so they should employ a cleaner. Problem sorted.

Find a solution without getting stressed about these things. Is it really worth the headache when he's a good husband otherwise? In the grand scheme of it what is the worse that would happen if you left the stuff or didn't get his assistance?

Over the years I've learnt that the things that may bother me don't necessarily bother my DH and he thinks I'm making a big deal out of it. Most men aren't going to see the urgency that we might with household stuff.

adora1 Mon 22-Aug-16 12:21:55

He works 8-6 so a lot less than me and my partner, there really is no excuse for him being a lazy inconsiderate git, whey are you apologising, is he the master and you the slave, totally unequal relationship that leaves you always resentful and tired out from doing all his shit too - up to you but I'd not spend one more day living like that, he is completely taking the piss and shows zero respect for you.

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