Hi all,
I'm due to marry my DF in 2 months and I am plagued with doubts.
We are together 8 and a half years, I am 31 and he is 28.We have had an amazing time up until this year.
We were renting for 2 and a half years 2 years ago and then moved back home to our parents houses to live separately so we could save for a house. I was home 1 week and we got the horrendous news that my close cousin had committed sucide at the age of 23. Loosing her killed me, however 3 months later he proposed to me and then 4 months later we got the keys to our house. I remember the morning we got the keys, I had a horrible gut feeling in my tummy, like my heart sank. It went away after a day so I put it down to nerves about the new house.
We booked the wedding quite quick and fast foward to now, it is looming! I think it all happened a bit too quick.
I feel since the end of last year, we have got lazy in our relationship, we don't do much together, don't treat eachother and our sex life could be better, I think I have a higher drive than he does. He is stressed in his job and can be cranky. He used to be full of life and very affectionate. Back in January, I realised I had feelings for a friend in work.
It really freaked me out and this is when the doubts started about my DF.
Back then, i told my DF that I was feeling a little weird about the wedding and felt that we were in a rut, I really broke down. We said we would work on it and to be honest, we didn't,we brushed it under the carpet, something I really regret. I got sick in March and he really took care of me.
The doubts are back, but I know why.
The feelings for the OM have been in the background of my head since January but I learned to hide them and put them out of my head, although still being friends with the guy.
On a night out recently, he confided in a mutual friend that he had feelings for me. My friend, who knows I had feelings for him, decided not to tell me. However, as he had drank quite a bit that night, he told me he loved me. I laughed it off as he can be a funny guy but then went into the Ladies and cried my eyes out. I just felt really stupid as I thought he's just drunk and I was annoyed it affected me as I thought I was over it but I never was.
My friend did eventually tell me what he had said to her earlier on in the night. It totally shocked me to think that I wasn't imagining this 'connection' I felt with this guy. He is constantly on my mind but nothing can happen. He has a GF and I'm getting married in 2 months.
We spoke after that night and he said sorry for what he said and he shouldn't have said it and that he shouldn't be liking someone else. We laughed it off.I apologised for getting upset and told him I liked him a little more than I should and it was all ridiculous.
The doubts this time around have been awful, I'm constantly crying and talking things through with my DF and a few true friends and family.
The wedding is up in the air. My DF is a great guy, on paper we are perfect. I'm just terrifed we have become friends rather than lovers. I feel so so guilty for having feelings for someone else and causing all this hurt with my doubts.
Any advice would be amazing!
I have started councilling and we are going to go together this week. I wanna fight for us but I'm terrifed this can't be fixed.
Thanks guys.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Marraige and doubts
Pinkmoon1 · 20/08/2016 23:45
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