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I need some MN advice on this new man

(52 Posts)
asconfusedasever Sat 20-Aug-16 22:52:17

I've had a shit time with men lately, have name changed for this.

So this guy gave me his number and I contacted him. We had a coffee date and a sex date. Initially I thought he'd be fun to fuck to get over my previous relationship disaster!

However this guy has turned out to be lovely, buys me flowers, buys me gifts, rings every day, very open about his relationships, what he wants etc.

He's just very different to me intellectually, I'm professional, have my own house etc. He's dyslexic, didn't do well in school, lives with his cousin, has little money and a job with no prospects.
We're not on the same wavelength at all and I just worry how a relationship like that could last

Some of my less nice friends think I should just enjoy him for sex
Others think I should give him a chance because he's genuine, kind and honest and that's certainly been lacking in my previous relationships

I'd like some opinions please
<dons hard hat>

ImperialBlether Sat 20-Aug-16 22:54:34

Someone I know had a relationship like that and it didn't work out. In the end she said there just wasn't enough to talk about and she wanted to be with someone who had interesting things to talk about (work wise) and had a bit of money for travelling and going out. She felt it was too unequal but felt really bad about that.

asconfusedasever Sat 20-Aug-16 23:16:30

I have quite a stressful job, it's something a lot of people wouldn't understand and not something I want to talk about at length
Even previous more intelligent partners have just said 'I couldn't do your job' and that's as far as it goes.
He does listen, and is supportive though.

He's just so lovely (and so hot grin)

HippyPottyMouth Sat 20-Aug-16 23:22:04

Genuine, kind and honest is a good start. It's worth a few more dates, but keep an eye on things. If you're just not on the same wavelength, it's likely to become an issue, but lack of formal education and less complex job than you needn't be bad if he's interested in things and interesting to talk to.

HeddaGarbled Sat 20-Aug-16 23:32:19

Why not just enjoy it for now and not worry about the future? Unless you are set on a long term partner and don't want to waste time, or you think he is set on a long term partner and you'd be wasting his time.

It's too early to tell whether it's got legs or not. There could certainly be some challenges, not least all your friends patronising him, but lack of educational and professional success doesn't equal stupid. Practical skills and emotional intelligence are valid assets, though not as highly financially rewarded in our society.

Dowser Sat 20-Aug-16 23:41:30

Lovely as he sounds I think intelligence wise you do need someone at least on the same level.

My dh is dyslexic. Did abysmally at school but was good at maths, got a degree and ended up running his own computer company.

Yet he probably couldn't spell the word ' bear' despite reading avidly.

We can talk about everything and anything...even if it's just twaddle st the end of the day.

Can you have conversations ...where he can his end up so to speak...if not its doomed.

GodImbored Sat 20-Aug-16 23:42:52

It didn't work for me I'm afraid. I was attracted to him at first as he was fun and lively but we had nothing in common whatsoever. As time went on it was clear that we had different views on just about everything. The bottom line for me was acknowledging that I didn't want him to meet my friends as I thought he would put his foot in it or say something offensive.

You might want to give him a chance if he is as hot as you say though.

Dowser Sat 20-Aug-16 23:43:02

Doomed being a bit of satire from dads army of course but you know what I mean.

See where it's a bit too soon to say I would think.

Dowser Sat 20-Aug-16 23:46:56

Maybe there's not having had a very good education but intellectually stimulated.

My dh knew he was more intelligent than his class mates he just couldn't get it doesn't on paper and he knew he had nothing in common with them. I'm pretty sure he said he was 10 when he started to read properly.

He reads and reads and that willingness to improve was always there.

( his mum was a teacher too!)

asconfusedasever Sat 20-Aug-16 23:48:34

Yes we can talk, and he can be great to talk with, he listens, doesn't necessarily give solutions which I like.
He's very sensible about things like family and meeting each other's children, he's very respectful of his mother, his ex and women in general.

I don't know if I'd want him to meet my friends although most know him through how we met.

I'm enjoying being treated like I'm something special.

He is unbelievably hot, 8 years younger with a body like I've never seen! blush

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sat 20-Aug-16 23:54:52

I think you know the answer already, otherwise you wouldn't be asking the question :0(.
You WILL get bored, sorry!

MiddleClassProblem Sun 21-Aug-16 00:02:24

Just enjoy it and see what happens. If anything starts to narc you, worry about it then. Stop analysising and just live it. If you feel more, go with it, if you don't then don't.

Some relationships like this don't work but some do. Do you know why? Because all those people in all those relationships are different individuals. Some combinations work and some don't but there are no set formulas.

BlueFolly Sun 21-Aug-16 00:07:39

I think you're over thinking it. Just enjoy seeing him and see what happens. Unless you're 38 and childless and want kids you're not forced to finish with someone as soon as you realise they're not 'the one'.

asconfusedasever Sun 21-Aug-16 00:10:17

No I'm not 38 and childless grin
I think you're right, I'll just enjoy him and see how it goes

springydaffs Sun 21-Aug-16 01:15:15

Erm let's not assume people with dyslexia are thick, eh?

ime it's the very opposite. Without specialised intervention they may not jump through all the academic hoops in order to build a good career... but thick they ain't.

springydaffs Sun 21-Aug-16 01:16:45

Fabulously bright, usually.

asconfusedasever Sun 21-Aug-16 01:50:19

Please I wasn't assuming that at all, be he describes himself as thick!
He's incredibly articulate about some things

Bellyrub1980 Sun 21-Aug-16 02:00:15

this man is ticking lots of boxes. If he stimulates you on a intellectual level it's kind of irrelevant what he does for a living unless social status matters to you.

Jobs are temporary and can change. Personality and character is what really matters.

Bellyrub1980 Sun 21-Aug-16 02:01:16

I would also be interested to know if he enjoys his job. And if he is driven or has ambition on some kind. Not necessarily at a materialistic level but just for his own job satisfaction.

hazeimcgee Sun 21-Aug-16 02:26:08

Jist keep dating and see how it goes. You've dates more ontelligent, ambitious men but you're single so that says something. Momey and brains aren't everything.

Having someone love you and losten to your and respect you - they are far more important.and i'm sure the great sex helps too lol

Littlelondoner Sun 21-Aug-16 03:42:40

Hang on. You have had 2 dates with this guy? Or am I missreading? Is this not a bit too much over thinking and planning a future with someone you have met twice.

You don't know this guy at all, you cant do.

Seems a shame to dismiss things because of hypothetical what'ifs you have thort up.

Just go with the flow see how things progress. You are making way to many ashumptions. Have fun!

Joysmum Sun 21-Aug-16 06:14:45

I'd only enjoy it for what is was if I was clear that's what I was doing and so he wasn't over-investing in something that I knew wasn't going anywhere.

pelirocco123 Sun 21-Aug-16 06:31:54

I wonder what the replies would have been had the OP been a man, and the casual , used for sex person been the much younger girl
OP , he is either using you for sex, or he maybe emotionally involved
It's interesting you say / imply your previous relationship turned out badly

asconfusedasever Sun 21-Aug-16 10:04:13

How is he using me for sex 123??

He is in the process of changing his job, and the new job he has to pay for training etc, pay and hours will be better but it's still a very manual job with little intelligence required.

We've had 3 proper dates, but speak every day on the phone.
He keeps saying he wants a relationship and when will I be ready for that, which is why I asked the question

Lelloteddy Sun 21-Aug-16 10:21:07

'Little intelligence required' hmm

You do sound like an insufferable snob OP. I'm sure that you don't mean to but you do.
You are also completely overthinking this whole thing. You've had TWO dates. Relax a little. Enjoy for now. But if the thought of introducing your unintelligent boyfriend to your social circle makes you cringe, do this lovely guy a favour and move on.

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