Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I've ended it

(26 Posts)
Mamalicious16 Sat 20-Aug-16 17:21:02

After 7 months of dating a guy with aspergers / autism (officially undiagnosed ) I've ended it today .

TriniRedVelvet Sat 20-Aug-16 17:21:53


Mamalicious16 Sat 20-Aug-16 17:31:26

Nearly five and a half hours of NC - and avoiding fb this is killing me

MrsMargeSimpson Sat 20-Aug-16 17:32:45

Is his diagnosis relevant to your break up?

flowers for you

(That sounds like a goady fucker comment but it's not, my son has Aspergers and it's bloody difficult to live with even when the love is unconditional!)

Mamalicious16 Sat 20-Aug-16 17:36:08

Yes it is relevant. I've turned into a needy insecure horrible person. And I have a sin with the asd diagnosis so I thought I could do this. He did warn me he would end up hurting me

Mamalicious16 Sat 20-Aug-16 17:36:36

*son not sin

MrsMargeSimpson Sat 20-Aug-16 17:38:22

Bless you, you sound so very hurt. If it's doing you that much pain it'll be the right thing in the long run. He'll never change.

Mamalicious16 Sat 20-Aug-16 17:40:36

I know. I had been on my own for over two years when we met. We got on so well as friends too. Hope this gets easier

Mamalicious16 Sun 21-Aug-16 09:35:21

2nd day and feel raw

Resilience16 Sun 21-Aug-16 11:05:03

Big hug for you. I split in Jan and know how raw it feels in the beginning.
NC is the only way forward. Otherwise it's like poking a sore tooth.
Time is the only thing that makes you feel better, and keeping busy.
You will get through this

Mamalicious16 Sun 21-Aug-16 14:29:29

Thanks. Cant decide if it's too early for wine :/

Mamalicious16 Sun 21-Aug-16 14:55:51

Resilience16 how long before it didn't hurt anymore? Any hints/tips/coping strategies gratefully received!

Resilience16 Sun 21-Aug-16 19:49:14

The first couple of months were hard. Had intermittent contact which made it worse. From month three I went nc. That made it easier. Would say the pain started to diminish around then.
Keeping busy definitely helps. Rearrange the furniture, hammer the gym,whatever. Writing down the reasons why you split helps, something to refer back to when you feel a wobble coming on.
Block ,delete and don't cyber stalk. Any kind of contact really does just make it worse.
You really do have to just take it day by day.The first couple of weeks are definitely the hardest

kate33 Sun 21-Aug-16 20:03:22

Horrible situation, it's hard to believe it will get better but you know it does. I think keeping busy is the best idea. flowers for you. Be very kind to yourself, treat yourself the way your very best friend would and remind yourself that you were brave in starting a relationship after being single for so long!

Mamalicious16 Wed 24-Aug-16 17:37:27

It's not getting any easier. I relapsed :/ effing WhatsApp

kate33 Wed 24-Aug-16 17:54:53

Bless you. Maybe keep posting on here for strength when you need it. There seems to be lots of supportive threads advocating no contact, I think if I had known about them I might not have begged the wrong person to take me back and then regretted that rookie move for the last 4 years! It's a hard slog and sadly nothing but going through it can get you through it!winkwinebrewbrewcakeflowers for you!

Mamalicious16 Wed 24-Aug-16 18:05:11

Thanks kate33

Mamalicious16 Wed 24-Aug-16 18:22:38

wine I need wine

Resilience16 Wed 24-Aug-16 18:52:43

Ok, you had a wobble,keep calm, draw a line under it and carry on.
If contact made things better, seriously, I would say go for it but it is guaranteed just to make you feel worse, for longer.
NC really is the only way forward Mamalicious x

Cherrysoup Wed 24-Aug-16 19:01:49

Block him. It's like poking a bruise, it won't heal if you worry at it.

Mamalicious16 Thu 25-Aug-16 11:16:04

I promised him I'd go to his CT scan with him tomorrow he's really worried it's the c word and i promised him ages ago I'd go with him for his results and be there for him. He has no one else. How can I do that AND go NC

Mamalicious16 Fri 26-Aug-16 18:44:17


something2say Fri 26-Aug-16 19:07:08

Hey, so did you go with him?

The thing is, I get that that's a big deal, the appointment. But there will always be big have to stop it some time. He isn't your friend, he is your ex. You may be friends in the future but not yet xxx

Mamalicious16 Sat 27-Aug-16 09:35:22

I went with him. He has two weeks to do some soul searching and find out what he really wants. Then, if it's not what I want. That's it

Resilience16 Sat 27-Aug-16 10:28:02

You needs to be asking yourself what were the reasons you split and how do you think you can both tackle these to change things?
If you just get back together and nowts changed or be resolved it will just be ground hog day.
Both of you have to agree to work at making it work and then actually DO that, rather than just paying lip service.
Don't get back together because it's the "easy" option, it may seem that way but will be far more painful in the long run.
Bin there, done that.
Good luck x

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now