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Should I end it?

(10 Posts)
Sunnydale45 Sat 20-Aug-16 14:13:08

I have never done anything like this before, but I don't know what to do. My relationship has always been tense but recently things are just getting worse. OH started going through all my text messages. He checks my handbag when I'm not looking, so much so that my daughter tells me. The stupid thing is he is looking at the messages I send to my mum as he hates her. This in itself has caused huge stress. I feel like I am not allowed friends. It is frowned upon if I check Facebook and yet sometimes he instructs me to post pictures of the two of us. He is jealous of my friends (who I don't even see or text anymore as it causes arguments), he is jealous of my pregnant colleague, he is now even jealous of our own child. I get told off for not paying him enough attention and having no interest in DTD. I'm so miserable but don't know what to do. When we "talk" he makes it sound like it is all my fault and I start to believe it. Sorry if this is rambling a bit but my head is so mixed up right now. What can I do?

PeppasNanna Sat 20-Aug-16 14:19:39



Run & don't look back!

AttilaTheMeerkat Sat 20-Aug-16 14:25:46

There are more red flags here re this so called relationship than at a Communist Party meeting. He needs to be gone from your life as of today before he further drags you down with him into his pit. You are being abused by him; controlling behaviour like he is showing you is abusive behaviour.

Men like he take an awful long time to recover from; I would suggest you talk to Womens Aid today on 0808 2000 247 and also look at enrolling on their Freedom Programme. It will help you no end in terms of moving forward.

I would also read "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft when you can safely do so; this man is well and truly within those pages.

You were targeted by this person OP; he will not let go of you easily. It may take police involvement to have him gone from your life; do not ever be afraid to call the police.

tipsytrifle Sat 20-Aug-16 14:26:51

You should absolutely end this. Danger zone warnings everywhere.

Sunnydale45 Sat 20-Aug-16 14:54:44

Thank you for your comments. I think as I was writing I knew the answer. It is just such a scary step. I have no money and I don't want to deprive my children.

SandyY2K Sat 20-Aug-16 15:03:09

Yes you should end it.

He's jealous and controlling.

What would happen if you refused to post a picture to FB? Would he accuse you of not loving him? Wanting to appear single?

Your DD is on to him constantly invading your privacy. Don't let her think his behavior is normal.

tipsytrifle Sat 20-Aug-16 15:07:47

It might be better to deprive your children of a tyrant abuser in the making. His behaviour is appalling and frightening. It will expand to include the children too. Even witnessing what he does is already affecting how they see relationships. Sorry, not wishing to increase the pressure you already feel but this situation is really really at powder-keg stage.

Would you be willing to talk with Women's Aid? I think getting out of this might be a matter of planning an escape. Others on here will have phone numbers you could use. Might even be in the notes at the top of the board here somewhere.

And yes, you DO know what has to happen. Gird your strength, Sunny.

ShipwreckedAndComatose Sat 20-Aug-16 15:11:11

Deprive your kids of what? Learning that this is what a normal loving relationship looks like?

flowers to you for posting and looking for support. Do you have any Real life support you can turn to amongst your friends and family (that he has been pushing away)

Sunnydale45 Sat 20-Aug-16 15:47:22

I am lucky to have my parents nearby and a couple of understanding friends who know I contact them when I am able. I am trying to put money aside without him knowing but I don't have much.

doji Sat 20-Aug-16 15:59:16

Could you leave and go to your parents while you get back on your feet financially?

Please show your children that this isn't what relationships should be like, and that you value yourself enough to leave a bad relationship (and so should they in future if they are in a bad relationship). That will set them up for life far better than any money could right now.

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