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How to spot an EA?

(20 Posts)
Inexperiencedchick Fri 19-Aug-16 13:53:29

Hi all.

There were many threads on EA topic and I don't know if by creating another one I will gain any insight.
But I would like to ask:
How can I spot an EA from miles away?

I started exchanging texts with someone from POF and he tried making some comments about some intimacy. I texted him back saying if he will continue in that manner he will just push me away.
What came next made me cry. I couldn't handle it.
He became rude and demanding answers like I owe him something.
And said that I jump into conclusions.
What my point was that he stops calling me sweetie and his lady when he barely knows me and haven't even seen me.
He accused me of not being able to handle jokes or simple conversations.
I am very simple girl. I don't want those big words if I'm not committed to the person. Not in that speed. And I don't through away words so easily.
I know I should take life easier and I'm trying. I just can't handle someone I haven't seen in real will call me like that.
I was shaking when he started accusing me in things I haven't had intention of doing and completely wronged me. I couldn't say anything, only told him "I will call you back."
I cried yesterday, maybe he just reminded me my past experiences, I don't know....
I switched my phone, calmed down and tried to cheer myself up.
Had 2 miss calls from him.
I deleted my profile, blocked him and deleted his texts. But I am still shaking...

I don't know what to think...

Thank you.

TheNaze73 Fri 19-Aug-16 14:52:32

I think you dodged a bullet OP. He sounds very high maintenance & needy. He sounds like a chancer who was out for a bunk up, it's back fired & he now looks like a cock. Don't necessarily think he's EA, just sounds manipulative. Who in their right mind calls someone "his lady" when you've not even met? Weirdo

Inexperiencedchick Fri 19-Aug-16 15:03:10

Thank you Naze.
When I told him I will let him know after meet up if I will continue of dating him or not, his words were: "Oh, it's you decide, not me."
My reply was: "It depends on both of us. You can't force someone to like you, and same from my side. I can't force you like me if you won't feel it."
He then accused me of having a beautiful talk and pretend of being so nice... What I don't do is manipulate people. I seriously don't waste my time thinking how should I use people for my own gain...
Seems you are right in saying I dodged a bullet.

GashleyCrumbTiny Fri 19-Aug-16 16:10:06

I hope you're not still planning on meeting this twat! Block him and move on. He sounds like a tool but at least you're finding out now!

Inexperiencedchick Fri 19-Aug-16 17:26:18

No, he has no chance in meeting me.

pallasathena Fri 19-Aug-16 20:36:19

I really think you should move away from relying on internet dating for a few months at least. This experience has left you devastated and rightly so. Can you join a couple of hobby type groups local to where you live? You know the sort of thing, walking groups, cycling groups, amateur dramatics, church, or an evening class perhaps that starts in September.
You would very likely get on much better taking things slowly, with like minded people. You can get the measure of them based upon mutual interests and friendship initially without exposing yourself to the sleaze-bag element prevalent in online dating.
You come over as such an innocent and I mean that as a compliment, a decent, thoughtful, caring and sensitive person who deserves far better than she is experiencing.
Perhaps more traditional ways of meeting people would work better for you.

Helen1966 Fri 19-Aug-16 20:54:03

What is EA?
I can't find it on the acronyms/abbreviations list

pog100 Fri 19-Aug-16 21:06:37

emotional abuse(r) in this case.

Inexperiencedchick Fri 19-Aug-16 22:42:27

Thank you Palla.
I thought about it yesterday. That's why I deleted my profile today in the morning.
Someone already advised me here that I should stay away from OD.

About hobbies and classes, I will think about it. Great advice. flowers

Inexperiencedchick Fri 21-Oct-16 09:32:38

An update:

So after midnight around 12:25 someone called from NO ID number...
I wasn't asleep and I usually pick up calls as I'm on my own here and worry about my parents back home.
So I answered and it's him. "Just called to reconcile as we haven't talked everything properly through"

I was shocked. After 2 months of no contact he tells me: "maybe it's a sign that you weren't sleeping and answered the call?!" And tried to engage with me asking how I was and how is work.
I cut him straight and said "I'm seeing someone already, and I remember you made me cry" In reality I'm not interested right now in anyone.
I don't know why he called...

Clarinet1 Fri 21-Oct-16 09:59:45

I think he called because he thought he'd just try his luck again. You were right to put him in his place.

Hissy Fri 21-Oct-16 10:48:43

There is nothing wrong with you love, or your radar!

The minute someone gets nasty, delete/block and move on. It's their loss, not yours.

The clues were there writ larg and you called him on the sweety etc. Trust your instincts! They're working fine!

I'd advise you not to give up dating, maybe take a breather, but you're well equipped to deal with this stuff.

Hissy Fri 21-Oct-16 10:52:17

I swapped numbers months back with a cute looking guy, he went from very initial chit chat to "I've got a hard on"

I said to him that we were clearly looking for different things and I wasn't interested in talking to anyone who didn't respect me.

He called me stuck up, but I'm not so don't care.. he's the one desperate for company.

He still sends the odd "hey" message, bless him, so he's too thick to work out that his method doesn't work and that's why he is single/shagless.

I deserve a man way more intelligent than that!

Inexperiencedchick Fri 21-Oct-16 11:55:19

Hissy what does "I've got a hard on" mean?
For future references to be precise...

If someone dumped me because I said no for sex when he demanded it does it mean I have a problem/shagless? I'm single all my life but few years back I offered my full commitment to someone without problems but he turned me down and then said I have a problem because when he was ready for relationship I was already on a different page in my life. I could settle with him easily but I wanted to date him. He took my offer of dates as no moving person with childish mind (as I said no for sex) and moved on. Laughed hard and said "find yourself a husband, I won't change anything."
I can't force myself to jump into someone's bed, especially when they openly demand it.
I never though I have problems I'm just old school girl.

Inexperiencedchick Fri 21-Oct-16 11:58:08

Hissy his number is blocked and I think he called from "No ID" knowing/guessing I will pick up the phone. He probably tried from his own number too and had no luck...
I blocked him the day he made me cry in August.

Clarinet1 Fri 21-Oct-16 16:48:05

Just in case, may be you should stop answering calls from "Unknown Number" etc. If it's something genuine they will leave a message and you can get back to them. Of course, "He" may leave messages too but at least you know it's him and you don't have to respond. Also, may be not have your mobile by the bed at night for a while.

Hissy Fri 21-Oct-16 20:07:59

A hard on is an erection, it was completely out of the blue!

There's nothing wrong with you love!

Inexperiencedchick Fri 21-Oct-16 23:44:30

God Hissy, that's bad...

Offred Fri 21-Oct-16 23:52:07

If you switch your phone to display no caller ID when calling someone who blocked you the call will go through.

I suspect he realised you had blocked him after calling a few times, changed the settings to hide his number and then called knowing it would then ring. This makes him a very scary stalker IMO.

It makes your judgement absolutely spot on too.

If he tries this crap again report him to the police.

JoJoSM2 Sat 22-Oct-16 00:13:38

I'm surprised you engage with him, e.g. (a) answer the call at night and (b) don't hang up the second you hear his voice. I did a lot of internet dating in my day and it can be good. Just 1. find a better website, 2. if people send you nonsense, ignore it completely &I do not engage them in pointless exchanges. 3. Don't share your phone number until you see that they aren't creepy. 4. For a first date go for a quick coffee in a busy place. If you like the guy, you can have a proper second date.

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