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His ex contacted him but he wouldn't let me see the conversation. LTB?

(69 Posts)
GeordieBadgers Fri 19-Aug-16 12:07:14

Boyfriend of 6 months told me that he's ex contacted him asking for a drink. When I asked to see it he said he'd deleted it. Why would he delete it if he had nothing to hide?


I refuse on principle to EVER fight with another woman for a man. It's undignified.

What would you do?

RavioliOnToast Fri 19-Aug-16 12:08:08

He told you about the message, what did he reply to her? 8

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 19-Aug-16 12:10:51

It's never unreasonable to LTB, it's a personal decision.

This reads very much like you don't trust him, in general. I can't imagine asking to see DPs messages. If you don't trust him, this isn't going anywhere.

I'd agree that it looks suspect that he's deleted it, taken at face value, but perhaps he deletes a lot of messages, or he didn't want it hanging around to be reminded of her (I delete messages very rarely but delete all messages referencing my parents, as I don't want to be reminded of them). He did tell you that she'd asked him, and it seems there was little chance of you finding out otherwise.

Regardless, you'll never know as there is no evidence either way, and your instinct is that he's lying, so I'd leave for that reason. You're either right, and leaving is the right thing to do, or you're wrong but there's no trust, so leaving is still right.

GeordieBadgers Fri 19-Aug-16 12:11:25

He said he replied saying no.

But if that were true why delete?

I'm in the car with him now. We were visiting a castle when this all came to light. I've asked him to take me home because we are over. The atmosphere in the car is stony to say the least.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 19-Aug-16 12:12:49

Why keep it though? I would delete it too!

I think if everything is going great then you are being ott! Fgs at least he told you

gamerchick Fri 19-Aug-16 12:13:03

Why would you want to see it anyway? You're 6 months in you shouldn't be wanting to check his shit.

If you don't trust him then end it.. he can see who he wants.

usernoidea Fri 19-Aug-16 12:13:15

I don't think you should ask to see the message if you trust him. He told you that his ex contacted him, I think that's a good sign he's not hiding anything from you

princessmi12 Fri 19-Aug-16 12:13:56

But equally if he had something to hide,why would he tell you about in in the first place?

gamerchick Fri 19-Aug-16 12:13:58

Personally I think I would dump someone behaving as you are. It's probably for the best.

GeordieBadgers Fri 19-Aug-16 12:15:34

Tbh I think he told me in order to make me feel jealous and insecure. He succeeded.

I don't deal with jealousy well at all so ending it is my only option. I'd rather be alone than feel this helplessness.

Mum4Fergus Fri 19-Aug-16 12:15:52

I delete all messages once I've nothing more to add to them...I've nothing to hide, it's just what I do.

Herald Fri 19-Aug-16 12:19:40

I delete all messages from my exwife , I have no need to save them or share them with anyone else, maybe you are being a bit OTT .

e1y1 Fri 19-Aug-16 12:20:37

I think LTB maybe an over-reaction.

He didn't have to tell you she even messaged, and remember she made the conscious choice to message him, not the other way round.

There could well have been something that was in that message that he didn't want you to see, hence the deletion, but again, that was something she wrote, not him.

Have you asked him why he deleted it? Don't ask what he said, ask him why he deleted it.

HermioneJeanGranger Fri 19-Aug-16 12:21:00

You dumped him because he wouldn't show you his text messages? confused

My ex texts me sometimes. I tell OH but I don't keep the messages because there's no need to!

adora1 Fri 19-Aug-16 12:21:28

Why would he not delete, he told you so what's the problem?

FoxesSitOnBoxes Fri 19-Aug-16 12:24:07

He told you about the message. You asked him to show you but he can't. So you're essentially breaking up with him because he deleted a text message.
To be honest: yes, leave him because this level of drama and rediculousness is not the foundation of a good relationship

OnionKnight Fri 19-Aug-16 12:24:44

I delete my messages too.

You sound like hard work OP, he told you about the message but it doesn't mean that you can demand to read it.

BigFatBollocks Fri 19-Aug-16 12:26:00

What does LBT mean?

OnionKnight Fri 19-Aug-16 12:26:23

Leave the bastard.

BigFatBollocks Fri 19-Aug-16 12:26:27

LTB! Doh!

BigFatBollocks Fri 19-Aug-16 12:26:55

Lol! Thanks.

GeordieBadgers Fri 19-Aug-16 12:27:08

I asked him why he deleted it. He said because he didn't want anything on his phone from her. So why not delete it AFTER telling me?

Foxes I asked for her number to check this shit out. Guess what, he won't give it to me "on principle" whatever that means.

OnionKnight Fri 19-Aug-16 12:29:03

Okay you have more than jealousy issues, asking for her number is waaaay too much.

FoxesSitOnBoxes Fri 19-Aug-16 12:29:21

Well either you're right and you've done the right thing or you're being rediculous and the relationship needs to be over because of this rediculousness. So yes, either way, walk away.

greenlass Fri 19-Aug-16 12:30:28

I think you're being a bit harsh & over reacting...
If he had anything to hide or was being cagey he wouldn't have told you!

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