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husband went to swingers clubs behind my back. anyone has any info on such places in London?

(69 Posts)
neverbetrickedagain Fri 19-Aug-16 11:25:27

well, that's it. I would appreciate any info about such places in London to help me put the pieces together so I can confront him before I do LTB. I have some evidence and I did a bit of research on the Internet but I need to know what I'm talking about because he is going to deny. I put together pieces of electronic trails that he left behind as he didn't think it would mean anything to me. or maybe I should just stop torturing myself and LTB.

jopickles Fri 19-Aug-16 11:35:14

I think if you know you can't get over this then it probably isn't a good idea to torture yourself with the details and if you can't work through it then don't confront him and give him chance to lie. On the other hand if you want to work through it and think you can give him another chance then speak to him and let him know he needs to be honest or its a deal breaker

Mildinsanity Fri 19-Aug-16 13:03:25

I know of a few clubs in london what would you like to know?

DaDman66 Fri 19-Aug-16 13:27:28

Swingers clubs - a place where people go to have sex with other people.

Is there much else to know?

neverbetrickedagain Fri 19-Aug-16 13:50:10

Dadman, I see your point. I just can't stop tormenting myself sad
Mildinsanity, he went to Sutton swingers club and one in Alexandra Palace (the ones I know about) the latter one seems to be more of house party. If I understood correctly, one has to join in and pay by card? Does it mean that there must be something on his credit card. Or would they take cash payment as well? I couldn't find the email but he's got another one which I can't access. I'm sure that even if he admits going there he will say that he didn't do anything but just went there to watch. Is that realistic? He is a handsome man and I don't think he would have a problem of hooking up with someone there.

JenLindley Fri 19-Aug-16 13:53:08

What does it matter if he Denys? You know he went, you know he hid it. Make your decision based on that, not on what he admits to.

adora1 Fri 19-Aug-16 13:53:17

I doubt he went there to watch on the two occasions you have discovered, do you not think there will be more visits?

It may be very secure re payment and might show up on his card as something entirely innocent iykwim.

To watch, then why not watch a video, sorry but I would never believe that and that would actually incense me more if told that.

ThinkingForever Fri 19-Aug-16 13:55:20

Is this a wind-up?

BlueFolly Fri 19-Aug-16 13:58:17

Do swingers clubs allow voyeurs? Seems unlikely. Also, is it acceptable if he did just watch? If he'd have said 'Just off out to a swingers club to watch other people banging and stuff.' would you have been all 'OK love, I'll keep some tea warm for when you get back.'?

crusoe16 Fri 19-Aug-16 14:00:11


SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 19-Aug-16 14:04:01

I don't think single men are allowed to go to personal swinger's parties, especially just to ogle.

There's a lot of careful safety in those situations.

neverbetrickedagain Fri 19-Aug-16 14:04:25

it's not a wind-up. I'm just being silly. trying to prepare for what he might say. he always blames me for everything. I was away visiting my family at the time. my younger DC was only 3-4 months old. I know there is no excuse for what he's done, but he's gonna come back at me with - there was no sex in our our relationship so he had to do it. I know, it's high time I left him.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 19-Aug-16 14:06:46

He expected sex 9 weeks after giving birth?! And that 'entitled' him to go to a sex club??

Ugh. Just boot him. Maybe he'll be honest because you're so disinterred in his bullshit excuses.

Could he also have hired an escort to go with him? I thought swingers clubs were for single women or m+f couples, not single m alone?

adora1 Fri 19-Aug-16 14:12:02

And these clubs are not cheap OP, he's also spent family money on sex with strangers - each to their own but these places give me the boak. .

And please no with the `no sex at home so....` - absolute bollocks, whether having just had a child or not - he has no excuse for this, he's a liar and a cheat, the minor details are irrelevant.

smilingeyes11 Fri 19-Aug-16 14:12:33

why do you need evidence and who cares what his excuse is. Nothing could ever justify this. I am sorry to say but you need an STI test. Just tell him to go and get yourself to a SHL pronto. There is no other proof required surely?

neverbetrickedagain Fri 19-Aug-16 14:13:51

we didn't really have much sex during my pregnancy as he is put off by it. I didn't complain as this time I had no desire as all. we had sex 2 months after birth but I soon left to stay with my family and get a bit of help with a toddler and a baby as he works but when around not helpful at all. quite the contrary to be honest. and that's what has impacted our sex life the most, if you ask me.

smilingeyes11 Fri 19-Aug-16 14:16:00

I don't care if you didn't have sex for a year - why would you think him going to a swinger's club is ok because he doesn't have sex with you?He has certainly done a right number on you. And you do still need an STI test. How do you know he hasn't been doing this for a long time?

adora1 Fri 19-Aug-16 14:17:03

Jesus, could he get any worse - useless and a cheat - he's not your partner OP, he's doing his own thing right under your nose, time for you to start living the life you want and not having to worry about what he's up to behind your back, you sound like a single parent as it is.

neverbetrickedagain Fri 19-Aug-16 14:17:17

I had STD check up and everything was clear, luckily. Doctor still had to give me vaccine for Hepatitis B just in case...

adora1 Fri 19-Aug-16 14:19:00

Also heard that a Swingers club do not accept single men, they must be partnered, females alone are ok though, it's also not for perverts to go and watch and get their rocks off, you go with the clear intention of taking part.

handsomeboymodellingschool Fri 19-Aug-16 14:20:46

Actually there are plenty of swingers events where single men are welcome. Some people choose to go to those, if they are into cuckolding or gang bangs.

neverbetrickedagain Fri 19-Aug-16 14:26:16

don't know about about the escort. maybe. he booked a stripper for his stag party - however, was disappointed as the woman looked nothing like he thought she would. grin back then I thought that was my sweet revenge. I should have used my head to think rationally what the future with him would hold. I think he found swinging does it for him. I saw that's what he watches most of the time when he watches porn. on the website I saw apparently swingers clubs do singles nights - when single men and women are allowed together with couples.

Buzzardbird Fri 19-Aug-16 14:28:05

Don't think you should be concerning yourself with the 'how and whys' right now. I think you should be getting yourself to a solicitor and withdrawing your money from your joint accounts.

neverbetrickedagain Fri 19-Aug-16 14:34:25

that's a big issue buzzardbird! no money in our joint account. he's got all control over it! in term of finances my hands are tied.

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