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Guy I'm seeing is turning weird :(

(39 Posts)
amypie86 Thu 18-Aug-16 22:17:06

I've been on 6 dates with a guy off tinder and he's lovely, but I'm getting concerned about him being needy. He texts me all day every day, none stop. He's started phoning me on his breaks at work, phoning me when he finishes work and inviting me out to do something most days (I don't accept all these invites).

When he phones me he doesn't really have anything to say, and I feel like I'm constantly having to try and stop it being awkward. He's very shy and didn't even kiss me until the 5th date. He's been texting me about how he 'really really likes me'.

When I don't answer the phone or when I say I'm too busy to meet him he will start sending me sad faces and complaining about how bored he is and just wants to see me. It's really starting to suffocate me.

I feel terrible because I can tell he's a genuinely nice person, and I've been screwed over so many times that I'm telling myself I should be happy someone seems to genuinely like me.

What would you do? confused

BroomhildaVonShaft Thu 18-Aug-16 22:18:23

I would a) stop feeling bad about someone else's issues b) listen to my own feelings and dump him

monkeywithacowface Thu 18-Aug-16 22:19:38

Run. Fast

Seriously this level of intensity so early on is a BAD sign.

Nannawifeofbaldr Thu 18-Aug-16 22:20:27

Perhaps he thinks women like that kind of stuff - I've seen a number of threads from women complaining that some chap hasn't texted/called/messages for the last 8 hours. confused

Have a face to face conversation about how annoying it is and see if you can get him to calm down a bit.

It could be lack of confidence on his part.

If not then you have to decide whether it's worth it.

Kione Thu 18-Aug-16 22:21:51

So much neediness often turns to jealousy in a relationship. It doesn't sound healthy.

bleedingnora Thu 18-Aug-16 22:21:54

Run away

petal68 Thu 18-Aug-16 22:22:44

I seem to attract these guys - I am on the dating thread bemoaning my latest lol - but I would say you need to seriously think about what you want out of this? I find these guys get controlling and possessive and you dont want that.

Somerville Thu 18-Aug-16 22:22:47

If someone is right up your street then being told 'I really really like you' is such a turn on. And if they're not then it's a massive turn off.

Just tell him you're not feeling it as quickly as possible.

Waitingfordolly Thu 18-Aug-16 22:24:43

Is he my ex? Actually my ex wasn't quite that bad, and it was after a couple of years he started being needy but it was really suffocating. Sometimes I just wanted a night in by myself workout having to worry about him being bored.

SENPARENT Thu 18-Aug-16 22:25:46

This guy sounds like bad news.This level of intensity is already suffocating you and will only get worse. Dump him.

PushingThru Thu 18-Aug-16 22:27:02

Trying to make you feel guilty for not answering your phone or having other plans is a huge red flag.

AnyFucker Thu 18-Aug-16 22:27:07


RoughMagic Thu 18-Aug-16 22:27:54

God, dump him. You're 6 dates in and already feeling suffocated? Not good at all. He won't change and I would expect his behaviours to escalate. Run far and run fast.

amypie86 Thu 18-Aug-16 22:28:49

We're not friends on Facebook but I have found him on there and he tagged his ex girlfriend in something only two months ago. They were together for 5 years. I get the impression he's just desperate for a replacement.

fruitboxjury Thu 18-Aug-16 22:29:07

If my gut feeling wasn't strong enough to walk away, I would ask him up front if that's the level of contact he expects or if he's just excited / nervous. Tell him you find it suffocating, especially so early on, see what he says (and want he doesn't)

WanderingTrolley1 Thu 18-Aug-16 22:29:22

I'd (want to) tell him to get a life!

ClopySow Thu 18-Aug-16 22:30:07

Nope. You're going to have to ditch him. The "i need you to back off a bit" thing never works.

LesisMiserable Thu 18-Aug-16 22:54:33

What nanna said is bang on the money - they can't really win on here confused

SanityClause Thu 18-Aug-16 22:55:50

Don't be guilted into going out with him. You don't have to go out with him, because he's a "nice guy". You don't owe him a relationship.

It doesn't sound like you're very compatible if you're finding it hard to find something to speak about when he calls. I get that he's shy, but it's a one on one conversation, with someone he "really, really likes". Surely there should be lots for him to say.

I would let him know that it's just too intense for you, and wish him well. That way, if he really does think he's doing "what women like" by being so full on, perhaps he'll learn from it, and when he meets someone else he likes, he won't smother them, in the same way.

AnotherPrickInTheWall Thu 18-Aug-16 22:57:27

You know the answer don't you? You are not into him. Bite the bullet and tell him you don't think you are the right woman for him.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 18-Aug-16 23:09:44

He doesn't sound like a genuinely nice person to me. He sounds needy and selfish.

Littlefluffyclouds81 Thu 18-Aug-16 23:17:17

I think it sounds like he likes you a lot more than you like him. Which isn't good. If you were completely bowled over by him you'd be happy that he was contacting you so much, but you're a bit meh about him so you're not.

I dated a guy like him last year. I felt suffocated, and knocked it on the head. After him posting me 2 extremely long, intense love letters after I'd dumped him, and sending me a huge, expensive bunch of flowers, I had to finally tell him I'd call the police if I heard from him again. He got a bit nasty but then left me alone.

PushingThru Thu 18-Aug-16 23:28:35

You can 'win' by occupying some part of that huge grey area in between ignoring someone & suffocating them. Most people manage it fine.

BlueFolly Fri 19-Aug-16 00:06:34

Christ - as soon as someone complained about being bored if they couldn't see me, I'd be off. How stifling!

TheNaze73 Fri 19-Aug-16 08:19:33

Sounds horrendous, I'd be running to the hills now.

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