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DP says I don't love him anymore

(16 Posts)
seefeld Thu 18-Aug-16 21:21:05

I've posted before about my break up which happened a couple of weeks ago, seemingly out of the blue. I have since found messages between my DP and another woman in which he is confiding in her about our relationship but I don't think anything physical has happened. It's still totally inappropriate though!

My exDP has been very reluctant to talk about why he wanted to end things but has said a couple of times now that he doesn't think I love him. Has anyone had this before? Why? Is it just a smokescreen to deflect the reasons for the break up over to me?

Our relationship had probably become a bit stale due to lack of time to spend on ourselves as a couple and child-focused - having looked back I think I mistook our happy family life for a happy relationship - but I do still love him.

Was just wondering if anyone has been in the same boat and could offer some advice.

timelytess Thu 18-Aug-16 21:23:14

He's just pushing the blame onto you to make himself feel better. He can go off guilt free because 'you don't love him'.

alphabook Thu 18-Aug-16 21:26:04

Unless he can give concrete examples of what you've done to make him feel so unloved and unhappy that he had to end it, he's using it as an excuse.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 18-Aug-16 21:28:47

It is the script.

What timely said.

Also, you are supposed to demonstrate how much you absolutely adore him by doing the pick me dance. It is awfully good for his ego, makes him feel great to have two women declaring their love for him. Go him. I hope you didn't fall for it.

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 18-Aug-16 21:31:06

Why does it matter anyway? Stop pushing him for reasons for his infidelity. They will all be some variety of why he wasn't happy. What's the point?

As people are so fond of saying on here, you can leave a relationship just because you want to, no further explanation is required.

seefeld Thu 18-Aug-16 21:37:26

That's what I was wondering. He has pretty much shut down all communication between us and not knowing what's going on in his head is driving me crazy (not showing that to him though). We have mediation tomorrow so maybe he can elaborate then but I don't hold much hope!

ponyprincess Thu 18-Aug-16 21:41:31

Oh my days I had the same....you don't love me, you are embarassed by me, you want to live your life without me in it. This was all just to justify we he decided to leave, so he could look like the injured victim. All the same with no communication, as I presume he does not want to deal with reality!!!

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 18-Aug-16 21:46:24

Why would he elaborate? What would you want him to say? What would satisfy you?

Have you considered the obvious? Family life is boring, illicit relationships are fun. By leaving, you take care of the kids doing all the boring shit and he'll get them every other weekend and play disney dad. Easy life.

seefeld Thu 18-Aug-16 22:06:21

It actually wouldn't surprise me if that was what he wants to do. He's always struggled with the reality of family life, took me ages to get him to do the bath with DS in the evenings for example.

I guess I just feel like I need an explanation so I can move on and maybe learn from what has clearly been a huge mistake.

BroomhildaVonShaft Thu 18-Aug-16 22:10:22

If he's cheating then he won't ever give you a satisfactory explanation because there isn't one flowers

DownTownAbbey Thu 18-Aug-16 22:16:17

My exDH checked out if our marriage (same scenario with bath times for DS, he obviously resented family life) and tried to turn it round on me. It's because he doesn't want to think of himself as a bad guy.

LesisMiserable Sat 20-Aug-16 13:14:39

I had something similiar to quote "I feel I am just a very small part of the patchwork quilt of your life " confused he had started shagging the local barmaid. Still in denial that it overlapped our relationship though.that's just what they do.

SandyY2K Sat 20-Aug-16 13:19:46

He's using that as an excuse. He wants out. He wants to be with someone else and he wants you to feel responsible for the break up.

GodImbored Sat 20-Aug-16 14:42:27

That's the biggest cop-out excuse of them all isn't it.

gamerchick Sat 20-Aug-16 14:45:13

Past of the script init?

AnotherEmma Sat 20-Aug-16 14:47:40

"I guess I just feel like I need an explanation so I can move on and maybe learn from what has clearly been a huge mistake."

The only thing to learn from this is to choose someone different next time! You did nothing wrong.

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