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Need to move on!

(9 Posts)
NewAndImprovedMe Thu 18-Aug-16 19:56:25


Have read this forum like a bible for a year but only recently signed up and this is my first post....I'm a little scared! However, need some hard hitting truths to help me get on with my life...

In short, DH left me August last year. We had an 11 year old (his dsd), an 8 year old and a ten month old, I was 5 months pregnant.

6 weeks later, I discovered the ow. A mother from our daughters school. 2 weeks later he introduced them all, her 2 dcs included, he text to let me know the next day.

I have spent the last year trying to distance myself but he drags me back every time. Ashamed to say there's not been a week we haven't been intimate. I know, where's my pride?

6 weeks ago he called to say he'd split with her so we could get along better. We had a month of dating, all was fab. Then I realised he was with her one night 4 weeks ago, when I called him up on it his response went along the lines of..."what do you want me to do? Sit indoors alone every night"?

So, now we're barely talking, I'm keen to completely disengage. I've started divorce proceedings, tried to get maintenance and contact agreements in place but he's fighting that. Has said he'll fight for them to live with him.

I can't let that happen and for me and the kids I cannot let him weasel his way back in. They deserve better, I deserve better. Gosh, would be so easy if we didn't get along so well!

I need a shake, I HAVE to learn how to move on!

Sorry, that was quite long, thank you in advance for any input, if you got this far!

NewAndImprovedMe Thu 18-Aug-16 20:31:39

Sorry, should have read 2 weeks ago, not 4!

adora1 Fri 19-Aug-16 17:09:44

I am sorry OP but if you present yourself as a doormat then people will treat you like crap, just like what he is and has been doing to you.

Why do you even want him after what he has done, utter humiliation.

He's now left her and is playing you again, he will meet someone else no doubt and you will be dropped once again like a hot potato.

You asked for a shake, well honestly be an adult and value yourself and stop allowing this arsehole to abuse and take advantage of you. Nobody else can do it for you.

NewAndImprovedMe Fri 19-Aug-16 18:27:19

Thank you, I know! Just the shake I needed. More's the point my children deserve for me to value them!

He is back with her already. I'll be honest, along with other things the last year has been the worst of my life but it's like I've been in a fog. I can feel myself coming out of it. I know I don't need him, I've done it. I am finally, a year too late finding my anger. I just need help to stick with it.

Have started divorce proceedings, put forward a proposal on the house, contact, maintenance, just concerned I'll be swept back in!

Thank you very much for your comment, I will keep going forward!

pallasathena Fri 19-Aug-16 20:23:30

Fill the headspace he occupies with something else. Worked for me many years ago now. I filled the headspace with studying hard for some extra qualifications, took up knitting and sewing so the evenings were filled with small projects that ended up as useful additions to the kids wardrobes/presents for family.
Money was very tight at the time.
A year or so on, there was no room in my head for him anymore. Indeed, the twat irritated me so much I could just about be civil with him. My eyes used to glaze over when he spoke I was told. Met someone else eventually who is the love of my life. Go on, you can do it!

NewAndImprovedMe Fri 19-Aug-16 20:32:42

Thank you! I know I can. I realise I've been a mug, just fills me with sadness thinking of our lost family. My head needs to overrule my heart.

Thanks again...your response has built me up that little bit I need!

NewAndImprovedMe Fri 19-Aug-16 20:35:11

Oh, should say....have been concentrating on decorating and started pole dancing. It's the rest of the time, my mind wanders and he's there....feel like my beautiful kids are living with half a mum if that makes sense?

Missgraeme Fri 19-Aug-16 20:38:43

Please get yourself checked out too! (shock)

NewAndImprovedMe Fri 19-Aug-16 20:43:24

Oh I have, awaiting a few but basics have come back clear shock thank you!

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