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help bf cheat what to do next....

(28 Posts)
gonzosgirl11 Thu 18-Aug-16 16:42:39

We've had a difficult time in our relationship since our son arrived. He's nearly three. My oh found it difficult to adapt to family life once I went work, despite little one being planned. Sex has been irregular to say the least and things have been strained as we seemed to have stopped communicating. We have also recently been through job changes and bought our house which all added to the stress. Things came to a head a few months ago and after lots of tears and frustration we were able to clear the air and agreed to work on it. Making more time for each other (hard as no family close by to help) and focusing on our relationship ie. Sex life. Things were slowly feeling better, he agreed that they had improved then I found out I was pregnant. Not the best timing but both pleased after getting over the shock. I still had a niggling feeling and today, I know is shouldn't but I snooped on his tablet. I am devastated , I'm now 8 weeks pregnant and he has booked an escort to come to our house when I am away visiting family next week. He also booked same girl back in march. He continually complains we have no money to do anything but now he can spend £200 on that and in my house! I feel sick, if it wasn't for my little ones I would have walked this morning. How on earth do I confront him, he's due home in less than an hour and its all I can do not to fall apart in front of my little boy.

FetchezLaVache Thu 18-Aug-16 16:47:46

Oh, you poor thing. That's so disrespectful and utterly hurtful. flowers

First of all, make copies of the evidence in case he deletes it and denies it.

If I were you, I'd be waiting at the door with his tablet and ask him to stay somewhere else for a few nights while you decide what to do.

More flowers

usernoidea Thu 18-Aug-16 16:49:17

God I really feel for you - I'm so sorry this has happened.....
This is so raw and you must feel like life has just stopped. Is there anyone you can go to tonight with kids to take a breather and just think ? Just give him some shit excuse when he gets home about needing a change of scenery? X

Cary2012 Thu 18-Aug-16 16:49:52

Hope you are ok OP. This has to be a deal breaker.

gonzosgirl11 Thu 18-Aug-16 16:51:46

I know that's what I should do but I dont want to cause a massive scene in front of my little one. I might have to wait until he goes to bed but I know trying to act normal between then is going to tear me up 😞 thanks for replying I cant face talking to friends or family about this at the moment

balence49 Thu 18-Aug-16 16:53:16

Personally I'd take him to the cleaners. No way is this excusable or something I could work past. Have you got a friend you can call. I'd not say anything yet if you can hold it together and get more evidence.
Get someone to catch him with the escort/ suprise return home?

KittyKrap Thu 18-Aug-16 16:55:27

If I were you, I'd be waiting at the door with his tablet and ask him to stay somewhere else for a few nights while you decide what to do.*


gonzosgirl11 Thu 18-Aug-16 16:57:03

My family are over 500 miles away so couldn't do the surprise return to catch him out. I've took screen shots of all the emails and copied them so I have the evidence. I'll need to confront him tonight, I'm dreading it and the thought of being alone with my and another on the way.

headinhands Thu 18-Aug-16 16:58:36

Definitely get copies of the info. Take a photo of the screen with your phone and email the image to yourself so it's in cyberspace. And the same for previous bookings. And sadly you need to organise an STD test. So sorry this has happened. What a monumental shitbag. Who can you talk to in RL?

TheNaze73 Thu 18-Aug-16 17:01:00

His behaviour is disgusting. He'll try to wriggle out of this & make out if he's been driven to this. He's a spineless cheat & you should treat him appropriately. If he wasn't happy in the relationship, he should have left you, not papered over the cracks & de compartmentalised this in his head by booking a prostitute. Nothing he can say or do, can put this right.

gonzosgirl11 Thu 18-Aug-16 17:02:12

I have a couple of close friends locally. I feel too raw and ashamed at the moment and I guess there is a bit of me that wants to hear what he has to say first. Although deep down I already know he'll blame our lack of sex life for this.

adora1 Thu 18-Aug-16 17:02:26

Poor you, just terrible, is there any way you can return home to your family, I'd not get over this, money and cheating and whilst pregnant, I'd guess he's been doing it a while too, well you know from March anyway.

You deserve so much more than this, it's the tough times that test us, he's failed miserably.

Cary2012 Thu 18-Aug-16 17:04:30

Bless you OP, this is horrible. Do you have a close friend nearby? Are his family miles away also? Keep posting, there are some wonderfully kind and supportive people on here. Would he moved out so you can get your head around this? x

Cary2012 Thu 18-Aug-16 17:05:43

He cannot blame lack of sex with you for justifying this. Absolutely not.

Cary2012 Thu 18-Aug-16 17:06:42

And don't YOU feel ashamed. The shame is totally his.

adora1 Thu 18-Aug-16 17:07:52

Blaming it on lack of sex is like blaming it on anything else, it also shows him as being an entitled prick who clearly has no regard for women anyway!

If you accept that as a reason and excuse you will be back here again in no time; a mistake perhaps can be forgiven, a pre medicated long term sexual contract with escorts is entirely different, he's a cheat by nature I'd imagine.

Sorry OP, you really need to be around folk who have your back and care about you, I hope you can reach out to someone.

Grannypants1 Thu 18-Aug-16 17:20:00

Op this is the worst I am sorry. I can't help but notoce you kind of make excuses for him though in the first part of your post, about him having difficulty adjusting to family life. I just want to say, don't let him use that or lack of sex as an excuse. You both decided to have kids together. You both have had to 'adjust' but you haven't gone and got your jollies elsewhere. Having kids is hard but it is both of your responsibility equally to put the effort in. Don't let him make you feel responsible for that. It isn't your job to teach him how to be part of a family. I hope that you have the support you need around you at this time. It really is an awful situation to be in.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Thu 18-Aug-16 17:23:01

There's no excuse for this. There's nothing he can say that will make this acceptable.

You're right not to want a scene in front of your three year old so leave a bag next to the front door for him (or outside it) and ask him to go somewhere else for a while. you can talk later when you've had time to get your head around this. He will learn what he's throwing away; too, and you can see what his behaviour is like.

I couldn't forgive this. What an utter dick.

notapizzaeater Thu 18-Aug-16 17:26:12

There's nothing to be ashamed of, he's chosen to do this not you.

Cabrinha Thu 18-Aug-16 18:49:52

You don't need a scene until you're good and ready.
Text him and tell him that you know about his prostitute bookings and he isn't to come home tonight, and you'll contact him when you're good and ready.

SandyY2K Thu 18-Aug-16 19:04:21

You were getting back on track and he sees it fit to cheat and with an escort draining your finances.

Even if things are not going perfect it's not good enough to do this.

Using the not having sex excuse doesn't wash really, because even though things were rocky, you haven't gone and booked a male escort have you.

Using family money on a sex worker.

You may find this link helpful from other women in your position.

HughLauriesStubble Thu 18-Aug-16 21:58:36

Thinking of you OP what an awful sh I ck for you flowers

HughLauriesStubble Thu 18-Aug-16 21:58:58


Idontthinkso1980 Thu 18-Aug-16 22:04:24

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

FetchezLaVache Thu 18-Aug-16 22:21:59

I do hope he gets mates' rates, Idontthinkso hmm

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