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I just cant get over him :(

(16 Posts)
user1471518328 Thu 18-Aug-16 12:12:46

Me and my ex partner split up 6 months ago. We lived together for 2 years. Im 27 and hes 24. It was a terrible end to the relationship, he spat on me and everything. No matter how hard i try i just cant get over him. I still cry. I dont even want to meet Nyone else cause i thought he was the one. Whats wrong with me? Why cant i hate him. Were still friends on facebook, ive tried to delete him loads of times but i cant bring myself to do it. Ive never felt this low after a relationship breakdown, im taking anxiety meds because i keep having panic attacks. I wake up in the night gutted that he isnt here. Why is it taking me so long to get over him. Im heartbroken and sint think itll ever be fixed

Olgabloch Thu 18-Aug-16 13:09:37

Heartbreaking is painful, I ll suggest you to keep yourself busy in work , so that the old thought process did not continue and if you will still think about it , you probability get obsessed with him. Another thing I would like to suggest, that travel (travel alone) explore new places, find yourself instead of thinking about the past.

TheBriarAndTheRose Thu 18-Aug-16 13:12:08

In the words of the great and wise Yoda, "do, or do not, there is no try".

You don't try to delete him. You delete him. You don't need to hate him. You need to become ambivalent towards him.

The problem is that you are allowing yourself to indulge this. It is hard, it is painful, but he clearly wasn't The One both because of the way he treated you and because you are no longer together.

It is entirely up to you how long this continues for. We've all had our heart broken. You can choose to continue to be heart broken, or you can make a different choice.

HandyWoman Thu 18-Aug-16 13:29:41

He spat on you? Bloody hell! I would take that as a sign you had the most lucky escape. WTF!!

Delete him from fb, from your phone. If you're still thinking he's 'the one' then why is that? Serious question..

You actually deserve a lot more, OP. Forget forget forget him and put some of this love and energy into yourself.

flowers

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 18-Aug-16 13:33:45

I dont even want to meet Nyone else cause i thought he was the one. Whats wrong with me?

You miss the hope not the reality.

That's why you won't delete him. You are in love with the dream of a long happy relationship. He used to be that dream. The dream is dead. You want it back.

How have you been "trying" to get over him?

Consider trying to work out how he fooled you into thinking he was the one. Could you have spotted the truth sooner? Was there stuff you ignored or minimised? How will you avoid or get rid of dickheads like him in future?

Freedom programme might work for you.

HotNatured Thu 18-Aug-16 13:41:38

Every time you think of him. Remember his face when he spat on you.

And ask yourself why you think someone who is scummy enough to SPIT on you is 'the one'.

Get some therapy, it will help you ustand why you stood for behaviour like that, why you are still willing to put up with behaviour like that, and will ensure that you NEVER put up with someone SPITTING on you, ever again flowers

user1471518328 Thu 18-Aug-16 13:57:38

I just feel like i drove him away. He completley changed me as a person. I be ame so insecure and jealous because i always felt like he never really wanted to be with me. I tried so hard to make it work. Dont get me wrong we had so many treat memories together. I dont understand he literally walked out and never looked back, he sent me msgs saying he was releaved we split up and he stopped loving me ages abo. Just really harsh thing which killed to hear. He didnt speak to me for months and then randomly sent me a link to a movie that was coming out in the cinema which we had planned to see. I responded and he didnt. I went away with my friends for the weekend and i was having a great time and he randomly tagged me in a video if my fave song. I dont understand how hus mind works. I just miss him so much. Ive tried to do my ow. Thing, joined the gym, spending more time with friends, learni g to drive but i just cant stand knowing i dont have him in my life anymore, i feel incomplete. I never expected it would take me this long to forget about him but i just cant. I feel so used and hurt. Ive never even had an apology, i got told i deserved it because i stood in his way of leaving. My family and friends dont understand and just slag him off, understandably. I cant get my head around the fact that he was my world and i literally feel like i meant nothing to him.

user1471518328 Thu 18-Aug-16 13:57:59

Sorry btw i know i sound super pathetic

Applecrumbling Thu 18-Aug-16 15:32:23

Join us on the 'opening up for happiness' thread. We are all getting over heartbreaks and are at different stages supporting one another smile

user1471518328 Thu 18-Aug-16 15:37:01

I will but i am new to this. Where can i find it? Thanks

Lily405 Thu 18-Aug-16 15:40:15

Had a similar situation. Lived together for a year and a half and split seven months ago. He just walked away and cut off contact. He said he has stopped loving me and had no feelings for me. Funny because we had had sex five hours before we split and he said he loved me after it. The truth is it's just time. I still cry twice a week or so--sometimes in my sleep. Try to remember that he's not worth it. When I start to think about good parts of the relationship, I make myself remember him laughing at a tv show next to me on the couch right after he broke up with and while I was sobbing. They moved on with their lives; we deserve to move on with ours.

user1471518328 Thu 18-Aug-16 16:07:15

Im sorry you went through a similiar situation,i know how crap it is. hugs

I do try my best to think of all the negative things but i always enfd up putting the blame on me. I dont know why because i know he acted wrong but its like id ratherr blame myself than him.i honestly dont think i can ever feel the way i did about him for anyone else ever again. Ive tried tinder,just to get used to speaking to people but i lose all interest. I know im not ready to meet anyone else but i dont think i will ever want to. I dont get why he always sends me the most random txts aswell. I lost my job last week due to the company going bust and he messaged me asking what had happened we spoke a bit then he went again. Is he trying to make friends or just checking i still respondd to him when he wants. I feel so out of control of my own emotions.i feel he has so much power over me. Its toxic.

SquidgyRedBall Thu 18-Aug-16 16:34:09

I remember the heartbreak when I broke up with my ex. The pain is indescribable.

There isn't much anyone can say apart from the old cliche that time is a great healer. No use to you now but you will look back in the future and realise it's true.

You will get over him, you will wake up one day and not think of him first thing. It just takes time.

FB is a bugger for this kinda thing, I'm lucky that my ex didn't (and still doesn't) 'do' Facebook and we had/have no mutual friends. I would delete and block him. Does he tag you in things when he knows you are out getting on with things or when you are at home alone?

You just need to get on with life. Go out with friends, go to the gym, learn to drive.

You are doing ok and you are going to be ok. One day you will wake up and it will be a few hours until you remember you had a nasty spitting ex

flowers

RunRabbitRunRabbit Thu 18-Aug-16 16:41:45

Have you visited the Baggage Reclaim website? It is good.

You might need some therapy to work out why you can't stand the idea of him not being that into you.

TheBriarAndTheRose Thu 18-Aug-16 16:47:25

I thinkyou need to reread your posts on here and then find some self respect!

Are you very young? I would feel very cross, tbh, if anyone I knew was pining like this over someone who clearly felt nothing but contempt for them.

Don't get so caught up in some silly notion of The One and love that you ignore the bleeding obvious!

TheBriarAndTheRose Thu 18-Aug-16 16:52:04

Cross for them, not with them. But still cross!

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