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Opening up for happiness

(439 Posts)
hareinthemoon Wed 17-Aug-16 16:53:38

We are continuing on with our 30 days (or more) NC with the past (see previous thread here ) and we are looking into the future with hope and positivity.

A little bit of trepidation is allowed also. Contact with exes is discouraged, but support is the constant.

JennyMe Wed 17-Aug-16 16:59:15

Yee haa, thank you Hare. Onwards and upwards to us all.

Applecrumbling Wed 17-Aug-16 18:25:55

Hello- I'm in flowers

FreeFromHarm Wed 17-Aug-16 18:44:14

Me to if I am welcome

Applecrumbling Wed 17-Aug-16 19:13:10

Not sure I'm quite ready for opening up for happiness.. sad

FreeFromHarm Wed 17-Aug-16 19:15:15

I know where you are coming from Apple, long slog, but we will get there ....eventually

Applecrumbling Wed 17-Aug-16 19:34:17

Think the 30 day no contact more appropriate! However, I'm open to giving this a go smile perhaps I meant to be on here, as a way of.. Come on, get a grip! He isn't thinking about me, he's getting on with his life and messaging other women.. Have some self respect Apple!! Who's with me? wink

FreeFromHarm Wed 17-Aug-16 20:03:36

Me :O)

Flurple Wed 17-Aug-16 20:21:49

Hi all! This sounds promising, do we get to post about our slip ups here? blush

Applecrumbling Wed 17-Aug-16 20:27:35

Well, we have to be realistic Flurple wink we all have those slip ups. Thankfully, I think I've had my last and kept my dignity intact

WavingNotDrowning Wed 17-Aug-16 23:42:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JennyMe Thu 18-Aug-16 07:31:41

I think this thread is still a place for us to be at whatever stage we're at along with our ups and downs but I think we're all further on from the early days.
I had the NC and relationship break up apps on my phone which I'll delete tomorrow when I'll have read all the days and now having no contact is the norm. I've added a self esteem app and I'm going to start reading Natalie Lue The Dreamer and The Fantasy Relationship as that is what I am and do.
This morning I decided that I should congratulate myself on surviving this detour in my life so well. I think we are all surviving it as well as we can.

JennyMe Thu 18-Aug-16 07:32:32

Waving, I'm so glad you're excited, you can be now, you have a future of possibilities.

JennyMe Thu 18-Aug-16 08:07:06

I'm not one for throwing parties but I think the comments at the end are really useful.

WavingNotDrowning Thu 18-Aug-16 08:10:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling Thu 18-Aug-16 08:49:01

JennyMe and waving, you're both sounding strong today smile I didn't sleep again, still getting those feelings of dread although not as much. I'm moving on though, very slowly. Last contact via text sat mo which seems so recent but there is no chance I'll see him as he's so far away.
I want to be at the stage you both are. I want to make improvements to my life, but I never seem to have the confidence/ push to do it. With the big 40 looming, I think I really need to do the things I've always put to one side.

WavingNotDrowning Thu 18-Aug-16 09:08:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling Thu 18-Aug-16 10:03:21

We sound similar waving. My ex was messaging my friend and neither told me. It was gradual/ less contact and he started being awful (out of the blue) I think to try to get me to end it do he didn't have to. Coward. No talking. The ending itself was quick and felt quite dramatic with a series of horrible texts from him which I reacted to, although not as bad as his. The last messages were ok but then end. Sometimes I wonder if I'm suffering some kind of PTSD although I think will be temporary (well a matter on months anyway). I also now believe there was/ is someone else and that belief is pushing me forward. I'm a good, loyal person, I'm intelligent, I'm not bad looking, am pretty fit. I deserve better, his loss.
Don't worry about the whatsapp call, it seems a big deal but it isn't really, it's over for you both, you know it was an accident and you didn't cave, who cares what he thinks. But yes, annoying.

WavingNotDrowning Thu 18-Aug-16 10:09:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Applecrumbling Thu 18-Aug-16 10:15:50

Yes, I remember your circumstances and an awful way to find out. On the positive side, thank Twitter you found out early! I would be utterly shocked if that happen to me and react as you have.
Once or twice a day still not good but an improvement. My worst is during the night and morning. A feeling of dread and hurt in my heart which lifts a little as the day goes on.
I worry he lives close to you though. Don't wish your holiday away, enjoy it smile

hareinthemoon Thu 18-Aug-16 10:22:41

Thanks for the video Jenny, but I winced when it was about Gatsby - he's not my best role model at the moment! Though it's good to be reminded that we can make ourselves over for someone who is as self-obsessed as Daisy - and I think many of us have grin

Still as you say the comments at the end were good, and I watched another couple and found this one - think I need this tough love today.

WavingNotDrowning Thu 18-Aug-16 10:24:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WavingNotDrowning Thu 18-Aug-16 10:25:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hareinthemoon Thu 18-Aug-16 10:25:45

I think I do have a kind of PTSD - whenever I find out something else or am transported back by particular memories my body goes into a state of shock.

I want to stop wishing it had been different. Acceptance is hard to come by. I need to look forward rather than back but sometimes my body derails me with these reactions.

hareinthemoon Thu 18-Aug-16 10:29:30

Waving it is one of my markers to know when I am getting better when I don't care what he thinks about something I've done. I've spent so long looking out for him that I know I'm improving when I consider my own reactions and needs and not his. The phone is irritating - but your bum called him, not your mind grin

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