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What makes a successful relationship?

(13 Posts)
movingforward2016 Wed 17-Aug-16 15:00:40

So this may sound stupid from a women in her 30's but what makes a relationship work?

My parents had a horrible relationship and I have always went for the wrong type of man.

I am now with someone that is very kind, considerate, thoughtful, useful (sounds like an odd positive but my ex was useless around the house and with DIY even useless at work). He is support, not controlling and also considerate in bed. He thinks things through and thinks about me and my dd when making plans with me. We enjoy each other's company and have clicked very well.

The only thing that could be a bit of a negative is that he isn't in great shape. I don't want to sound negative so I hope I don't get mean comments for saying it as I love him even though he isn't in good shape. But I am wondering if anyone may be in a similar situation and what there thoughts are? Sometimes I look at him and notice things like his belly etc but I am still attracted to him and still like sleeping with him so I'm guessing it's probably not a problem.

But as I've never had a solid loving long term relationship I sometimes worry about me being a little commitment phobic etc and wonder if this could put me off in the future!

TheNaze73 Wed 17-Aug-16 15:16:10

I think it's quite simple. If you can laugh with them, like your best friend, would run through a brick wall to support each other & fancy the arse off of each other, then you're nearly there. You should still be you, retain your friends & interests & be as comfortable not being with someone as you are when you are with them.

RedMapleLeaf Wed 17-Aug-16 15:23:43

I think not wanting to commit to him and having negative thoughts about his body are two separate issues.

Looking forward to reading responses about what makes a successful relationship. I think for me any kind of relationship is about communication and kindness.

movingforward2016 Wed 17-Aug-16 15:28:02

Naze - I think we have all you mentioned and I do fancy him but I can also look at his appearance and see that he's not as muscular etc as I would normally like confused

movingforward2016 Wed 17-Aug-16 15:30:51

Red - sorry I might not have been clear, I normally have commitment issues but with my current bf I don't as I trust him so much he makes me feel safe enough to commit.

I think the reason I mentioned that is because I am wondering if because I find it hard to commit generally and usually find silly reasons to break up with someone could this be an issue further down the line. But while I am typing this I am thinking no as I would hate to be without him.

I think sometimes just getting things out really helps!

RedMapleLeaf Wed 17-Aug-16 15:48:06

I agree, just talking can help if nobody says anything useful smile

TheNaze73 Wed 17-Aug-16 15:53:02

OP, if it's not want you want, don't just settle. Not everyone will agree however, pure animal attraction is important

GingerbreadGingerbread Wed 17-Aug-16 15:56:40

I think:

Respecting each other
Putting the other person before yourself
Being kind to each other. Treat them how you would treat your best friend. Give them the benefit of the doubt.
Keep the romance alive. Make an effort for your partner.
I'm a big believer in "you get out what you put in". If you choose a kind and caring partner who is fundamentally a good and committed person then love them unconditionally and do things for them. Bring them tea, cook for them, visit their family, make an effort with their friends and you will get it all back in return.

movingforward2016 Wed 17-Aug-16 16:07:24

Naze- I don't feel like I am settling! I feel very lucky to have finally met someone I like as a friend as well as wanting to sleep with them, and that someone that treats me well and cares about me and I also do the same back for him.

movingforward2016 Wed 17-Aug-16 16:09:14

Ginger - all those things on your list we have in our relationship which is what makes it all feel so right

Spybot Wed 17-Aug-16 16:15:07

I have been happy for 13 years now. the things that work for us are always making an effort to appreciate the other, with some gestures as simple as a cup of tea or a favourite meal. I don't keep score or expect everything to be equal down the middle as one of us works and the other stays home and looks after kids and house. I have learnt to give people space to do what they want, by going out or hobbies. That way I get space too, which is something I really need. We don't really argue but have discussions and we have never used swearwords against the other although we swear all the time generally! Physically I think my husband is lovely, he has always been a little chunky but handsome and now I am a little chunky too!! - I think we have created a relationship where we both feel secure.Hope this helps

Lottapianos Wed 17-Aug-16 16:19:09

'Putting the other person before yourself'

I disagree with this. Be kind, be thoughtful, be caring, respect the other person. But always consider your own needs. Keep one eye on what you need at all times, and don't get lost in the relationship. Don't ever be a martyr.

And spend some time sorting out your own issues. We all have them, some more intense than others! Don't expect the other person to be the answer to your problems because they're not.

Lilacpink40 Wed 17-Aug-16 16:29:20

Why not exercise together and soon after stroke his arms and chest saying "hmm I like tight muscles"?

Keep it light, positive and fun. He'll be more likely to continue.

I'd let go of the second-guessing yourself and the relationship, you're not helping yourself enjoy it!

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