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Is anyone in an open relationship and would like to share thoughts?

(52 Posts)
PollyCazaletWannabe Tue 16-Aug-16 16:35:42

Posted this on the Sex topic but reposting here for traffic. Hope that's okay.

Firstly can I say that I am not interested in hearing from anyone who thinks open relationships are a bad idea. My DH and I have agreed on this and we are extremely happy. Both of us are turned on by the thought of the other with someone else and I would say we have an excellent sex life.
However, it's not exactly the kind of thing you talk about with friends grin so I wondered if there are any Mumsnetters who are in this kind of relationship and would like to chat? How do you manage your boundaries? For example, DH is meeting a girl tomorrow for sex. He knows that I expect him to text me before, after and when possible, during wink and that I will want to know all the details when he gets home. Is this the same for others or do you just let each other get on with it? Just looking to share some thoughts really.

PollyCazaletWannabe Tue 16-Aug-16 16:39:30

Can I also add that I would be happy to answer any questions about open relationships, as long as people are not coming onto the thread purely to criticise.

category12 Tue 16-Aug-16 17:31:59

What's during wink?

Tabsicle Tue 16-Aug-16 19:24:31

Are you basically planning on swinging/sex only outside the marriage, or actually having additional relationships/friendships/full blown polyamory? My advice def varies depending on which you're going for.

WombOfOnesOwn Tue 16-Aug-16 19:30:00

I've got a fiver that says this is a man looking for wank material. Having known many couples in open relationships, I've only ever known the men to want so much information, as if the other sex was wank fodder.

Another fiver says he won't be back now that I've called him out on his plan to use mumsnet as his porn for the evening.

wonderingsoul Tue 16-Aug-16 20:28:04

I could do an open /swinnger kifes style as long as there was rules. Major one being never meet the same person/couple more then once.

I couldnt share a relationship with some one.

ImperialBlether Tue 16-Aug-16 20:33:43

I agree with Womb.

PollyCazaletWannabe Tue 16-Aug-16 23:21:44

I'm not a man or looking for wank fodder - you will see from looking at my posting history. Honestly I am just feeling a bit alone, having been used to discussing stuff with friends and now being unable to do so. Also my DH and I live in China, which means that I am 7 hours ahead - hence the apparent silence last night your time.

PollyCazaletWannabe Tue 16-Aug-16 23:23:41

To answer your question tabsicle we are not planning on forming relationships outside the marriage. Just sex is as far as it will go.

category12 Tue 16-Aug-16 23:26:29

What does the woman your dh is seeing feel about you being privy to all the details?

PollyCazaletWannabe Tue 16-Aug-16 23:27:43

She knows about it and is excited by it too. One of our rules is never to hide anything, so that everyone knows the score.

PollyCazaletWannabe Tue 16-Aug-16 23:29:20

Ps can I also add that on my original thread in Sex, which got no replies, I put a post apologizing for using the weird word 'girl' rather than 'woman'. I blame it on having spent too much time with elderly relatives lately!

category12 Tue 16-Aug-16 23:31:46

That's good then.

How do you intend to police feelings? Or is it a series of stranger encounters?

PollyCazaletWannabe Tue 16-Aug-16 23:36:03

A series of stranger encounters, yes. We may meet up with the same person more than once but on a purely sexual level - not planning on getting to know them well. At risk of being accused of being a man again, I am bisexual, so I hope for us to be able to meet women together. We haven't done this yet because so far I haven't felt like it and /or we haven't found a woman we like who is also interested in a threesome.

Atenco Wed 17-Aug-16 00:54:57

I was in an open relationship in my youth, but it was nothing like yours. You sound like a pair of users.

PollyCazaletWannabe Wed 17-Aug-16 01:55:53

Can I ask what you mean, Atenco? We are being completely open with those we meet and they are also excited by the no-strings -attached element of the encounters. How was your open relationship different, if you don't mind my asking?

ComtesseDeSpair Wed 17-Aug-16 01:56:38

I've given polyamory a go in the past. I didn't think it was all it was cracked up to be. Maybe I'm just a particularly difficult toy to play with and my buttons need pushing in weird combinations, but I never found sex with strangers who didn't know my body particularly satisfying. All a bit fumbley and they (the men) probably got far more out of it than I did.

How does that work for you?

ComtesseDeSpair Wed 17-Aug-16 02:05:22

I can see what Atenco means, TBH. It does sound a bit as though, regardless of whether the other person/s involved are aware of the set-up, the two of you are somewhat using others for titilation. All the talk of texting during and after with the juicy details and the pair of you getting excited by hearing about the other's escapades. "No strings" doesn't necessarily mean being content with being somebody else's wet dream, and neither does it necessarily mean "no emotions". I think it's important to remember that what means one thing for you might mean something different for your other partners.

PollyCazaletWannabe Wed 17-Aug-16 02:18:47

I don't understand why people are saying that others are not aware. They are all aware and we collectively enjoy sharing the experience. We are not texting each other on the sly during our sexual experiences with others- that would be horrible. The people we are meeting are all excited by exhibitionism and by sharing details of what we are all doing.

PollyCazaletWannabe Wed 17-Aug-16 02:20:04

DH and I are also happy to share pictures and details of us having sex with others- it's not just us using others for gratification, it's for mutual enjoyment.

PollyCazaletWannabe Wed 17-Aug-16 02:21:47

Comtesse, I know what you mean but I find the whole idea very exciting, so even if it is a bit fumbly I still get turned on smile plus the sex afterwards with just DH is fantastic!

squoosh Wed 17-Aug-16 02:32:00

I don't think a man looking for wank fodder would name themselves after a character in an Elizabeth Howard novel grin

PollyCazaletWannabe Wed 17-Aug-16 02:36:30

Haha squoosh grin

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Wed 17-Aug-16 02:50:06

I don't understand this over-concern for the couple's sex partners. Surely they are grown adults capable of making their own decisions. Why is it the OP's and her DH's responsibility to make sure the poor wee diddums sex partners are not taken advantage of?

OP I think as long as you and your DH are both equally into it and there is no coercion on either part, and you stop if either of you start to have a problem with it (emotional / jealousy) I think you could have a lot of fun.

I should probably name change for this but I have always thought I would love to give an open relationship a go. I don't think DH would ever go for it in a million years though so I have never mentioned it.

PollyCazaletWannabe Wed 17-Aug-16 05:37:11

Hearts thank you for your positive comments. We are having fun! To be honest this is the closest and happiest relationship I have ever had, because DH and I are so entirely open in our communication.

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