He's stolen my journal and read it

[PaddywackHolland]

In the middle of divorce and trying to sort out finances. I have (had) a book to keep notes of meetings with solicitors, talks with mortgage provider, mediator, their comments, my calculations, all this info, and also I have noted my own thoughts. I kept it in a basket by my bedside with other paperwork. Probably stupid of me. Two days ago I couldn't find it anywhere. He has taken it and read it, I know this because he has confronted me about some of the things I noted. For example, I wrote "C's letter", and he demands to know what this means, he thinks it's a letter that my daughter has written to 'the court'. He denies having taken the book, says he doesn't know where it is, and will not let me have it back. I had written that although I wanted a fair and reasonable settlement, I sometimes felt I ought to have 'compensation' for the years of bad treatment.(Long story, worst bits are he doesn't speak to two of our children aged 22 and 18, who still live with us, and a whole load of EA). He was very frightening and said if I went for 'compensation' he would end up in prison. That's a threat to me, isn't it? He then said I had had several affairs but couldn't actually name any of these men. I have not had any affairs. Even after quoting from my notes, he denies he has got the book. Normally I can handle things, but this has really shaken me. I don't want to play the sympathy card, but I go to hospital today to find out if I need chemo after a mastectomy I had 6 weeks ago. Advice on how to remain strong and deal with this behaviour, please !

[smilingeyes11]

I would report his threats to the police and also advise them he stole your property. Well done you for getting away from him - he is awful.

I do hope it goes well at hospital today - you sound incredibly brave.

And the best way to deal with him is no contact - he shouldn't be in your bedroom at all?

[LuckySantangelo1]

Why is he in your house and able to access your bedroom? Are you still living together?

[RageAgainstTheTagine]

Omg, what a shitty thing to do! Poor you.... I second calling the police.

[rememberthetime]

My husband read my diary and ripped it to shreds. I had to throw away all my writing about the births of my children and other precious memories. The one thing about EA marriages is that you expect them to behave like normal people - ie not to steal or read your private thoughts. But they don't operate on the same level as normal people. They feel utter justification for their actions. In my case he ripped it up because I had mentioned other boyfriends from before we met.It was as if I didn't exist until we met.

I would report his threat - just to have it on record. Be very wary.

[brodchengretchen]

OP, you have theft and the destruction of property to accuse H of, unless he returns your property to you. Information from a stolen diary would be inadmissible in court, so the only benefit to him was use of the private information to attempt to procure advantage. The police will take the matter seriously.

Get him out of the house, do you have support in RL to put this in motion? Social pressure can be very effective.

Accusations of affairs usually come from people who have had affairs, and ignore the talk of prison. What a prima donna.

My best wishes to you for good news on your health review.

[Infestedwithcats]

I'm Paddywack but it looks like my old name is popping up! Thanks all . We do still live together. If I reported it to the police does anyone know if they have to follow it up and talk to him, or would they just log it?

[Goingtobeawesome]

I'd hope the police would search his house if he declines their offer to hand it over but I suspect they'll have too many higher profile crimes to deal with.

[Mix56]

report it to the police, plus his threats, also tell your solicitor, so that when the adversary starts spouting things from it, he knows that the material was stolen.
Good luck with hospital visit.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

If you explain the nature of the journal to the police, it is very likely they will send someone round to have a serious chat with him. That's often enough to put the shit up bullies and they back down.

It is a good way to show him that you aren't willing to play by his rules any more. You are playing by society's normal rules now, which means threats and theft = police.

[springydaffs]

Hasn't he stolen evidence?

I'm so sorry to hear you're on the bc trail. Just come out the other side myself. Hope all goes well for you from now on in and the worst is behind you

[Infestedwithcats]

Thanks all for your advice and good wishes. No chemo needed! Just going outside now to fetch my wellingtons back from the field where he threw them on Sunday (my neighbour told me tonight she had seen him!)

[brodchengretchen]

my wellingtons back from the field where he threw them

This sounds like a man with a lot of anger. Is there any chance you could have a friend or family member come and stay for a while?

[Infestedwithcats]

I have 2 sons, 22 and 20, the older one is here and the other one is on hols. Also my 18 year old daughter, so I am rarely alone, except he began his verbal attack when they were in bed. I have emailed my solicitor to say what has happened and that I don't feel comfortable in the house when he's in, nor can I go out without worrying about him going through my things or stealing or throwing them out! How on earth do you get someone like him out of the house?

[brodchengretchen]

Ask him to leave on the basis of the breakdown of the relationship, his threatening behaviour and theft of/damage to your property. Your DC are witness to this. It is your human right 'to live at ease', but now you no longer feel safe and it is not appropriate that H remains in family home. I believe you can ask your solicitor to help you build a case that would find sympathy with the court.

[Mix56]

I hope your hospital appointment went as hoped.

You must get all your important paperwork OUT of the house. Birth certs, passports, pay slips, savings, pensions, house deeds, bank statements.......Leave it with your parents/friend/work place. If he is removing & destroying things, do this before he does it.
Disactivate any cloud, whatsapp, fb or other accounts where he can read your emails, or activity. (even if you haven't set this up, he may have)
Change your passwords, computer, phone, bank PIN,
Open a new private bank account & start putting money into it.

[Infestedwithcats]

The journal reappeared this morning- I found it under the duvet at the foot of the bed. (I'd thrown the duvet off the bed when I was looking for it). He must think that he can pretend it was there all the time.

[Mix56]

you should report it anyway, he has read it. as you know when he asks about things in it !!! or spouts facts from it.
Unauthorised snooping/reading your spouses emails is not accepted in divorce proceedings. so either is this. He may have photo copied parts.

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

He suspected you might report it. He thinks he has done enough now to get away with it. He has pushed you exactly as far as he can without you pushing back. You aren't going to report it are you? Maybe you think it would be stupid and the police would laugh? That's because you've normalised abuse. And he knows it. I bet he is feeling pretty smug now. Even smugger as he sees you getting your wellies with no bad effects on him. Totally untouchable. Or so he thinks. Perhaps you have been trained to think that too.

Fight back. A solicitor can help you.

[Goingtobeawesome]

He could have read this thread...

[brodchengretchen]

You still have evidence that H took the journal for the purpose of finding out your thinking, information which you would naturally wish to withhold bearing in mind the breakdown of your relationship.

Are you really prepared to let this nasty person go on trying mess with your head for his own benefit? I'm not sure if you can see it, but we are trying to tell you that you need to get him out of the house and away from you. There is not place for sentiment in all this, he is angry and does not respect you.

Do it for the good of your health if nothing else.

[Mix56]

I would feel like doing something very cathartic with his wellies..... (holes )

[LisaMed1]

You can set up a blog on Blogger for free that you can set so no-one else can see it and use that as a journal. Wordpress may have the same function, I'm not sure.

Make sure you have a secure password and always log out.

You will be able to access this from any computer or phone that has internet, and your solicitor could also access it. Just make sure that the device you use is secure.

Good luck

[PaddywackHolland]

I do have a solicitor and I have informed him of the taking of the book and the threat to me that he would end up in prison if I were to seek 'compensation'. I am calling 101 now.

[smilingeyes11]

I would be very careful he isn't monitoring your online activities, keylogger or reading your email perhaps? I think you need to be very careful, change passwords and protect yourself

[PaddywackHolland]

Meeting police officer at local station tomorrow 6 pm. RunRabbitRunRabbit you knocked some sense into me. I thought I had come a long way since timid, frightened little me, but I realise I am still frightened...of what FFS? I've faced cancer and not crumbled, why should he still scare me?