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BOYFRIEND POTENTIALLY CHEATING... But i found out from logging into his Facebook...

(16 Posts)
Bananama8 Tue 16-Aug-16 01:41:05

So, as the title boyfriend is cheating or about too?? How do I know this? I know his Facebook password and check his Facebook every now and then. I know that this is wrong to do. But if I hadn't done it... I would have never known about this.

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years! We used to have such an amazing bond together. We tell each other everything and anything. Were literally bestfriends!! Sex was more often, almost every day, texting non-stop.. now a few texts throughout the day.

We have a beautiful little boy together and I am currently pregnant again..

The girl he has been chatting with on Facebook has the same name as me, same exact spelling and everything. Which is very odd to me. Once I seen what was going in when he came home from work I did not confront him and tell him what I saw. But I talked about things he said about me and I apologized and said I would work on these things and things he does and says that upsets/bothers me as well. He also apologized to me. Everything should be better after our little talk right? No.

He does not talk to this girl, who is also has a boyfriend of 4 years.. when I am in the same room with him. He does it sneaky when I am not around. For example, at work, when he is pretending to be sleeping and I'm in the living room with our son taking care of him!, when he is outside cutting the grass but hiding in the shed Facebooking her... He talks bad about me to her and lies about us.

When he speaks to me, we are apparently in a great relationship with no problems and a family he loves. But to her he acts like we arent happy with a million and one problems. But he says he bought a house...true He says I then eventually moved up acouple months after...not true We lived together for almost 2 years now Im "mother of his child" not girlfriend "Stay at home mom... not the life i imagined" He told me to because day care was "too expensive" and it would be good to have him taken care of by us not strangers at day care and that my whole paycheck would go straight to daycare and i may have to add more on top so what is the point .. this is what i was told by him..

I'll give you a little bit of there conversation..

Him-are you near * (the town he works in) Her-yeah i work there tuesdays and thursday's Him-hmmm well maybe if you're cool with it, we can get lunch i promise i dont bite Her-oh yeah! I take some classes at the college so ill be around there and everywhere alot! Him-cool, itll be like old times. But if its to much like old times i may get in trouble with you ;) Her-haha i know right. Im enjoying talking to you very much. Him-yeah me to i feel the same, we always had a good relationship Her-see me on tuesday? ;) Him- when and where? I have nothing on my sheducle so its a date ;).... i mean... lunch ;)

This is what started it

Then things escalated, like her going in the pool and how sexy he thinks she looks and that all the neighbors must be watching.
He says "youre like an addiction i can't stop now" She says mhmmmm right back at ya! They talk about how things could of been different between them.

Its him that started it being inappropriate! He said, "I'm rocking the dad bod.. can really call me daddy now;)" they keep talking and she says "i better shut my mouth" he says... "i like when its open" and she said "oh yeah i can recall many of nights" he said "many excited and amazing nights with you" Sooo wrong.

He said "id hit it, twice... or more;)" She says.. "you already have;) and can again sometime soon, never know" He says "ill have to remember that;)"
And this part of the convo is very very wrong... but i would like to add in that she was referring to there sexual past from years ago... also when i referred to there convo about her mouth open..

I wasnt even halfway off the driveway with my son to visit my mother and he messaged her!! I seen it on my cell phone from the drive way.. it was small talk then automatically got dirty again.. about how he has the house to himself and that i left.. she said good means i can talk to you more then he asks her if she can leave at night... she said she cant leave at night because she also lives with her boyfriend...

But after she couldnt do that... she says well.. what are you doing wednesday evening? See me after work...he said ****(which is me) comes home that night... i cant... But maybe thursday night?? She said possibly ill let you know.

And now... they have switched over to texting, not over facebook anymore... who knows what pictures and texts they are sending..

It is so painful to know he is doing this. Especially being pregnant... how do I approach this? Tuesday he is meeting her at a local restaurant... which i am thinking about going to see what happens, i would be parking on the lot next to the restaurant they are going to meet at. I know my boyfriend and if they will kiss.. he would do it in the parking lot, not inside.

My proof is through his Facebook. If I wouldn't of looked, I wouldn't even know about all of this going on. My mind and heart is racing. I cant believe this is really happening. Any ideas on how to help this situation? Part of me wants to show him the chat between them and to speak with him about it but then the other part of me is scarded he will change his password and i wont be able to read future messages.
If he is acting like nothing is wrong and straight lying to my face how will know if what he says is sincere? I believe he truely loves me but I think maybe he misses attention from other woman like he used to have before he met me as a single man. Which confuses me because I always shut guys down that try and talk to me. It doesnt even phase me. I dont care if i get attention or not. I would never cheat or even talk to a man the way he is with her. I even deleted my facebook so he wouldnt worry or be concerned. Or ever feel that there was a threat in our relationship and get insecure or question my love for him ans loyality. My heart belongs to him but why why why is this happening sad

I really just need some advice... please be realistic. I understand creeping is wrong and I wouldnt want to do that and I shouldn't have to. Maybe that is my gut telling me to because i didnt trust him?

So my main question to everyone is...
I am going to tell him and maybe show him what I found through the screenshots on my phone I have off the chats.... but do i do this before they meet tomorrow.. or let them meet?

I will be leaving for awhile..but i cant say that i will never get back with him because i just don't know how things will work out for us.....

If i get back in the future and he didnt meet her he will just be more discreet and secretive POSSIBLY not saying ge would do it again but you dont know, no one does. But he may feel as if he missed out seeing by not meeting her....
But if he does meet her and wants to see her more... i am damned if i do, damned if i dont? Suggestions..... helpppp

I could type forever, but am ending it now. Thank you for reading and any advice or comments you may have... thanks

Edie30 Tue 16-Aug-16 02:01:03

OP, I'm awake and wanted to respond. I have no advice but wanted to hand hold, until someone wiser comes along.
I'm so sorry you found this out. He has betrayed your trust and you must be feeling shocked, angry, bewildered and confused.

I would find it hard not to just confront him BUT I think you should think carfeully about what you want to do next.

If they have moved on from FB to texting - based on the messages you showed us, I would be very worried and seriously pissed off.

I would be tempted to follow him to the restaurant today. I would find it hard not to confront him but like I said, someone else will have better advice than me.

Everything will be OK OP. Wiser Mnetters will be along v soon.

givingitago85 Tue 16-Aug-16 03:08:57

Not cool behavior on his part at all. How you deal with it from here is the only power you have over the situation. As you're pregnant I would take the calmest action. If it were me I would follow him but not confront him there and then. Give yourself the time to process it so that when you talk about it you have a clear idea of what you want to say and what result you want.

No, you shouldn't have been snooping but at this stage I think your indiscretion has been wildly overtaken by his. Do not let him twist this round on you.

Best of luck!

Lillygolightly Tue 16-Aug-16 04:04:23

Hi OP I'm sorry your going through sucks I know, I've been there and I was pregnant too at the time.

Forget how you know what you know, think about what you know!! He is basically having an emotional affair with this ex of his and either one or both of them have talked about getting's probably going to happen sooner or later!

To be honest if your not sure how you feel in terms of whether you want to stay together/forgive him etc then I recommend the following:

Tell him what you know, don't listen to his lies which will be he didn't mean it, it was just a fantasy etc it will not be him telling to truth it will be him minimising/denying/the script. Punish him and punish him hard, tell him it's over, ask him to leave and don't hold back your anger, hurt, disappointment. He has to really realise what he has lost in order to be truly sorry for his betrayal. If you forgive him too quickly and easily he will feel he has gotten away with it and he will do it again and second time around he will just hide it better.

Yes admittedly you run the risk of him running to her, but this is unlikely as she has her own relationship to think about, so they are hardly likely to run off into the sunset together. Also typically once these things become real and the consequences take effect the thrill of whatever fantasy they were living out over text disappears like the stupid daydream that it is.

If he runs off never to return to this other woman or anyone else he wasn't worth having in the first place.

What you want is for him to realise his mistake and be truly remorseful he needs to understand your hurt and pain and feel it. He needs to be dedicated to making things right, to regain your trust to take the time to rebuild and better your relationship. He needs to be genuine and you will need to believe him and it will be hard....very hard.

Not everyone can forgive and not everyone can truly be remorseful and sometimes despite best efforts things are sometime just broken. In my experience in order to fix things properly you often need to tear everything down so that you can build it back up again and build it stronger rather than plugging holes and hoping not to have another leak.

I wish you all the best.

EstellaHavisham Tue 16-Aug-16 07:14:48

Urgh he sounds like such a creep!

Please just end this relationship. He sounds truly awful.
Take care of yourself and your little one and work on your self esteem. He said bad things about you and YOU apologised! That's wrong right there and if you can't see that then your self esteem is rock bottom which is why you're still in this 'relationship' with this loser.
You will be just fine without him

Norwolf Tue 16-Aug-16 07:58:31

I dint want to read and not say anything. Here is some flowers. I really hope u get to choose the right thing for yourself and child.

Honey, he's already cheating on you. Sweaty bumping-of-bits might not have occurred yet, but in his heart he is not loyal to you.

But more than that, he is lying to you daily. I don't think you can come back from that.

YouSay Tue 16-Aug-16 08:07:50

He is already having an affair. I would dump his spineless ass. He wants her. I am so sorry op. Somewhere deep down you knew what he was like which was why you check his Facebook.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 16-Aug-16 08:29:05

Do you have family or friends around you who you can talk to?
He sounds like a complete sleaze.
I would be very tempted to message her on facebook saying what you have told us.
But don't do that.
Your issue is with your dick head of a partner.
So what do you want to do about it?
What is your deal-breaker?

brightspark2 Tue 16-Aug-16 08:32:40

He is cheating. I would be very tempted to change his FB password and chuck him out.

SandyY2K Tue 16-Aug-16 08:32:42

Sorry you're dealing with this and especially while you're pregnant.

I note that you have up your FB account for him - why did you do that?

Was he jealous?
Did he ask you to?

When you do things like that you give a certain amount of power to the other person. You should reactivate your account, as that's probably why he feels safe to do what he is because he thinks you have no reason to be on FB, so you wouldn't see his messages.

Never ever reveal your sources of information

When it comes to any confrontation all you need to say is 'I know'. He can deny it all he wants, but you know what you read and he knows what he wrote. In fact these denials will show you what a liar he is.

Don't repeat specifics of his messages with her, otherwise he'll know how you found out and change his password.

I'd say nothing and go to the restaurant and wait for him to appear. Then see what he does. He knows it's wrong and that's why he's hiding it.

I suggest you take screenshots or copy /paste and send the conversations on FB to yourself. Keep it hidden or password protected. This isn't to show him, but so that you know you haven't gone mad when he denies it and tells you you're crazy/jealous/hormonal or any other form of 'gaslighting' he will do.

If you don't deal with this head on, he will take it physical. I know being a single mum can be daunting, but do you really want to spend your life with a man who tells lies to his ex about you? Talks badly about you?

We all like attention, we like to be liked, but cheating on your pregnant partner is very low.

I know childcare is expensive, but being financially dependant on a man isn't something I recommend. Especially when you've seen what he's like. The longer you are out of employment, the harder it is to find work. You can become isolated and find your whole life revolves around the kids. It also makes you feel trapped because you have no money to leave.

Look into a part time evening job when he's there to look after the kids. That gets you out of the house, a break from the kids, adult company and a bit of money.

FunnyTummy Tue 16-Aug-16 08:37:32

He is cheating on you. It must have been awful reading those messages.

It's probably a good thing that they have switched to texting, as what more proof do you need? you don't need to read any more of those hurtful messages.

I don't usually jump in with LTB . . .but you need to think about what is acceptable, and in my eyes (and I would imagine most other peoples), this IS NOT.


IreallyKNOWiamright Tue 16-Aug-16 09:48:12

Op. I'm sorry to hear of your situation. However, he sounds like right immature idiot for someone who has children. You need to think about when they are older and is this guy a role model they need in their lives. He doesn't sound committed. Sometimes it's best to walk away from the situation when they cheat. I know you love him but your heart sounds broken already just reading your post. It will get broken even more if you let him carry on with this behaviour.

CattDamon Tue 16-Aug-16 10:02:29

I would screenshot the messages as pp said, my ex deleted all his incriminating messages when I confronted him & made out to everyone I was crazy.

Further, if he can do this to the pregnant mother of his child, he's not worth any attempt at trying to salvage this.


AgainPlease Tue 16-Aug-16 10:20:42

Oh dear. He sounds like a complete arsehole and definitely cheating. Sorry OP.

In a previous relationship my boyfriend at the time cheated on me so I slept with his work colleague that he sat next to everyday. Everyone at work knew about it too and he was so embarrassed he ended up asking to be moved internally to another team because he couldn't handle sitting next to the guy his newly single ex slept with.

You are pregnant with this guy and have a son with him. You don't work. I suspect you need this man closer to you than away from you. SO... If I were you, I would shut my mouth for now, have his baby, and then live your life on your terms. Get a job, build up some savings, and when the time is right leave him. Don't make any rash decisions now. Be calculated in your moves. You might find as time goes by your boyfriend will realise his mistakes and become the best partner/dad but if he doesn't, you need to make a long-term plan x

DaDman66 Tue 16-Aug-16 11:06:57

That's cheating in my book. Being flirty in a manner that suggests an air of availability or displays sexual attraction to someone else is just out of order. It's completely different from flirty 'banter' etc

As AgainPlease says, use the platform of stability provided by your relationship to get a leg up and into a position where you can move on.
Then fuck him off - you're pregnant with his child and he's more interested in flirting with someone. GTFO.

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