Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Are these signs of EA?

(7 Posts)
miserychastain Mon 15-Aug-16 20:22:23

Hi everyone! I will cut to the chase. A few months ago I took kids to a big shopping centre to meet up with DH who works there. After we took them to have their hair cut he said that he felt like a cold beer and I added that I could do with a cup of coffee. As if he didn't hear what I had said he just went on saying that he would go to a nearby pub to see if there are any workmates of his there. Then he told me that in the meantime I could look around and pointed to the place were the coffee is apparently very good. It happened so quickly that I didn't have time to think let alone say anything. On previous visits he would spend the time with us and not drinking beer with colleagues while I sit 200meters away drinking coffee on my own. It struck me as more than odd. It was then that I first started suspecting of something going on. I checked his texts afterwards and it turned out no workmates where there so he texted one guy who said he would be there shortly and I actually got to meet him when I showed up with kids in the pub.
A few weeks later I was teasing him that he looked younger and he told me that he was told by someone at work that he looked 10 years younger (which btw is not true he looks his age - 38). The way he told me that was also a bit odd - both proud and shy at the same time. I can't really picture a guy telling him that. And if it was a woman that sounds kind of flirtatious.
Then a few weeks after that he insisted that we go to a food festival across the town. There we bumped into a colleague of his. I didn't think she was his type so I didn't dwell on it. However, she started talking about another coleague of theirs, let's say Zoe, and asked DH if he thought she looked so unbelievably fresh and pretty after coming to work straight from a night out. He promptly said that he also looked fresh after a night out when he was 24. I found it strange that he was so aware of her age. Then he also mentioned that she lived nearby and that it was her who told him about the food festival (DH is a big eater).
Not long ago he left work for another job and I have just found a card he got from workmates. Among the messages there is one signed with something that could be Zoe and it goes like this: I wish you all the best with your new job. will miss you here. you still owe me a night out!
He never ever mentions any of the female colleagues. He sometimes talks about guys he works with but never ever mentions that young women work with him. And then it turns out he is close with one of them who is very young and there is mention of a night out. Do you think he (38 years old, married with 2DC) should be going out with a 24-year-old colleague?
Is he having EA or am I reading too much into it?

booksandcoffee Mon 15-Aug-16 20:36:05

It seems to me that you could read this in various ways. If Zoe said that she owed him a night out it could easily be that she is guilty of trying it on with him, perhaps repeatedly, and he has been trying to fob her off. Perhaps the job change was an attempt to distance himself from her. It could also be in her attempts to flirt with him that her age came up. Flirting is often reciprocated as it boosts the ego, the question is would he go beyond? I would be inclined to give your DP the benefit of the doubt,but if you can not shake it off or another reason to suspect him comes up the call him on it. Good luck.

whattodowiththepoo Tue 16-Aug-16 00:54:04

It doesn't sound like they are very close to me, more like your DH has been bragging to younger members of staff about how hard he can party.
If they are having an affair wouldn't they have already been on nights out? Because it doesn't sound like they have.

Drowzeee Tue 16-Aug-16 12:44:06

I can't see any signs of emotional abuse to be honest. It sounds to me like you are reading far too much into it and are maybe slightly insecure about him working with younger women?

Drowzeee Tue 16-Aug-16 12:44:34

Emotional affair obviously!

GashleyCrumbTiny Tue 16-Aug-16 13:32:54

You seem to be looking quite hard for something I could barely discern from your description. What you've outlined wouldn't give me cause for suspicion - assuming your relationship is otherwise good.

miserychastain Fri 19-Aug-16 10:43:59

Thanks everyone! I appreciate your comments. To be honest we have bigger issues to deal with. He changes jobs every couple of years so it's not because of her. This was more of an side issue and just wanted to hear how others perceive such things.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now