Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Any other military wives or girlfriends advice on coping when they go away for long periods?

(5 Posts)
Kaz32 Mon 15-Aug-16 13:19:50

Hi All,
This is my very first post so please be gentle. I've been with DP for 3 years. He's in the marines and has gone away until the end of October. I've already had long periods away from him when he's had to go for work, which has never been an issue... Until yesterday when I had a rather amazing meltdown. Which resulted in him putting the phone down on me right before he got on the plane. Now I feel like he's gone on bad terms and I don't know what to do.
We have a DS who is one and since he's been born DP was posted 4 hours away and has pretty much been home every weekend, which I realise is a luxury. So this is the longest he's been away in a while.
Any advice would be appreciated.

NameSake Mon 15-Aug-16 13:38:07


my DH is an army officer, he's been deployed several times and also close to home for long periods so I understand what you're going through. It's funny, sometimes it will hit you really hard, and other times not so much.

Only advice I can give you is take each day as it comes, don't focus on the end date as it will seem like forever, download a box set, read a new book anything to stop you phone watching all day everyday - make yourself distracted.

I wouldn't focus to much on the argument, every military couple has been there, chances are all his colleagues had the same ear bashing last night!

Remember, they don't choose to leave you, so when you feel like screaming because you're stressed and tired and could do with a hand, they are following orders at the end of the day they would rather be at home too.


cuntinghomicidalcardigan Mon 15-Aug-16 13:44:37

My DH is about to deploy for 6 months. Up until now he has been 4 hours away and home most weekends. We have a 4 and 1 yo. I cope by reminding myself of the importance of the job I'm doing as a sahm. My dc need to see me being calm and happy and in control so they, especially the 4yo, can be out of control and sad if they need to be. We have a calendar where we cross off days til daddy is back. We write postcards and letters and talk on Skype.

For me, I plan projects to focus on. So when he is away my aims are - dig over the garden/tidy out the toys/lose some weight etc. I write a diary with stuff that he might like to read, so what me and the dc get up to on days out, cute things they say etc.

It is tough, but there are so many benefits that his job gives us. That said, I can't wait for his post-deployment leave in April!

MGFM Mon 15-Aug-16 14:02:32

I have been the one deployed and the one who has stayed behind. Not done it with DC yet. That's next year but I think it is important to remember that if he doesn't call when he says he will (they should never promise times and dates) it is usually because he is busy and just can't manage to get to the phones. I never expected phone calls and so when he did call it was always a nice surprise. Likewise when I was away, I didn't call when I had planned to and often had to postpone calls as work got in the way. I heard a lot about the wives and girlfriends back home getting pissed when they didn't get called at the exact time they expected.

Having been on both sides, it is always harder for the one left behind.

Just keep busy and take it in chunks of time.

Bb90 Sat 20-Aug-16 17:13:35

My OH goes away for 3-5 months at a time and I rarely get phone calls as we are lucky enough to be able to whatsapp. A few times in the 6ish years we've been together we haven't talked because of an argument while he's away and sometimes when he doesn't get internet I don't know whether it's an excuse or genuine. But as I've always said to myself - if you love him you'll be here waiting at home for him

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now