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Not my dp's "type" .. Just a rant really.

(26 Posts)
Followyourart Sun 14-Aug-16 15:47:28

So... In the supermarket, dp spies redhead with tattoos. He must have smiled because although I was behind I saw her give a big smile back - although it may have been one if those "excuse me while I try to get passed you with the trolley" type of smiles..
I'm probably being really silly but it has been hinted at numerous times that this is his type (he's also heavily tattooed) me I'm a 5"1 brunette (no tattoos, except for feet) I also don't like dying my hair red as it ruins the condition.
I suppose I just needed a rant - if your dp has a "type" that isn't you, how do you feel about it? I mean, he loves me and I know that, he asked me to move in with him and we've been together 4 years.. But sometimes - stupidly - I imagine what it would be like to have someone who adores petite brunettes and that they are his exact type!!
I admit I sound very silly, I just wonder sometimes, if I want too much from a relationship.. And that going after what I want would prove fruitless.

omri Sun 14-Aug-16 15:50:21

Have you told him that this bothers you?

AbyssinianBanana Sun 14-Aug-16 15:54:11

Wouldn't bother me that I wasn't his type but I'd be fucking wondering why he's still bothering to seek out his type in a grocery shop when he's in a 4 year relationship

Nannawifeofbaldr Sun 14-Aug-16 15:54:15

I think you need to discuss this insecurity with him.

All he did was smile politely at a stranger in a supermarket!

Grannypants1 Sun 14-Aug-16 15:54:56

I think you need to look at the bigger picture. If you aren't his normal the and he is with you anyway. Obviously you have something more for him to go against the grain like that. My dp wasn't my usually type, I am with him because he is better than any 'type' I imagine.

JasperDamerel Sun 14-Aug-16 16:06:07

DP's celebrity crushes are slim yet athletic brunettes like Anna Friel or Rachael Weisz. I look more like a plump Kate Winslet. He is also not at all my "type". We fell in love with personalities rather than looks. I do like how he looks, though.

Followyourart Sun 14-Aug-16 16:09:33

Sometimes I wonder if he's just "settling" though, that could well be my insecurities talking, but he is also insecure, and puts himself down. I think in his mind, it's a case of someone is better than no one- he strung a girl along for 3 years who he "didn't like" ... At times I really wish he'd kept some of these things to himself, I mean as opposed to telling me about them.
I don't think it's like that in this case (like it was with his ex) but when I have a moment (my self esteem is on the floor at present) stuff creeps in to my mind.. And I wonder whether it's all even worth it sometimes

AnotherEmma Sun 14-Aug-16 16:13:23

You need to work on your self esteem and insecurity. Get counselling if necessary.

Once you're in a better place you'll be able to work out whether his behaviour is bothering you or whether it's just your insecurity and paranoia.

From what you've described I don't think you have much to worry about, apart from working on your own issues.

Joysmum Sun 14-Aug-16 16:13:36

I'm fat and in my mid 40's. I'm nobody's type!

I get over it by crediting my DH with not being so shallow. He's not my type either, fat and in his 40's isn't, but I take comfort from knowing that as nobody could ever live up to the man he is, it's plausible he isn't lying when he shows feels the same way about me.

Grannypants1 Sun 14-Aug-16 16:13:45

A relationship is means to improve your life, if it isn't making you happy then you are right it isn't worth it. You want a relationship not a relationshit. You need to decided if this is all about you being insecure or if it is part of a bigger problem which is this just isnt a relationship that you could every feel secure in. Does he make you feel attractive? Do you make him feel attractive? Do you have any reason to feel insecure?

Grannypants1 Sun 14-Aug-16 16:15:56

I hate autocorrect. *meant *decide *isn't *ever

HappenstanceMarmite Sun 14-Aug-16 16:18:58

OP isn't talking about whether he lived her though. It's whether he finds her as attractive as his usual "type". Am I right OP?

HappenstanceMarmite Sun 14-Aug-16 16:19:22

*loved her, not lived. Bloody phone.

VeganCanBeFabulous Sun 14-Aug-16 16:20:11

My husband fancies slim blonde women generally. I am 5'1", a size 14-16 (but have been a size 20 in the past) and have dark brown hair. But he also fancies me and has done for the last 17 years. I generally go for tall dark men and DH is 5'8" and bald with a gingery beard. I fancy him. A lot. Mainly because he has amazing legs and is one of the most intelligent, kind and funny men I know. I think one of the reasons DH finds me attractive is because I have some self confidence. You need to find some way of loving yourself for who you are.

HandbagCrazy Sun 14-Aug-16 16:23:09

I think having a 'type' is more something people use too generally.
For me, DH is over 6 foot, big rugby player build with dark hair and eyes. I am very attracted to him.
My celeb crushes range from Thor (big, blonde) to Spencer from Criminal Minds (tall, skinny, 'pretty' rather than handsome). Neither of them remotely resemble my DH.

You have something special, something that makes you YOU - and that's what he is attracted to.

I don't think this would bother you if you had more confidence - can you work on this?

HandbagCrazy Sun 14-Aug-16 16:24:50

Apologies for typo

Also wanted to add - DH celeb crushes are all curvey, relatively tall and blonde.

His exes and me are all short and big chested. More than one of us are redheads - the too don't necessary correlate!

pinkDEpanter Sun 14-Aug-16 16:29:03

My type used to be tall dark men.

I'm now married to a blonde woman and I couldn't be happier. Types change wink

Darthvadersmuuuum Sun 14-Aug-16 16:39:55

My DH's former gfs were black or mixed race. I'm blue fair and blonde. It used to bother me but he's stuck with me now grin.

CMOTDibbler Sun 14-Aug-16 16:42:39

My dhs 'type' is short, petite, brunettes - pref dancers/gymnast type people. My type is very slim, androgynous men. I'm tall and solid farming stock, can't dance at all. He's a big bloke. We've been married very happily for 19 years!

sofato5miles Sun 14-Aug-16 16:42:40

I had an wx who would do this. He liked blue eyed blong girls with short hair and big boobs. I have not one single one of those attributes. He also slapped me once.

As wisdom comes with age, I now clearly see he was a mind controlling abusive arse and was trying to break me down. Luckily, i was wise enough to realise that physical violence is never acceptable and moved out a month later.

I do remember him lying there, in our bed, after kissing me into a frenzy and him with a massive hard on telling me no, he just didn't fancy me enough as i wasn't his type. Then as soon as i fell asleep, after crying, jumping on top of me.

monkeywithacowface Sun 14-Aug-16 16:44:31

I always seem to get mini crushes on well groomed, gay men. DH looks like an angry bear in questionable jeans most days but we've been together 16 years and I have no plans to trade him in (yet).

Followyourart Sun 14-Aug-16 16:44:50

pink ;-) congrats!

AppleJac Sun 14-Aug-16 16:52:44

I dont have a type

If you line up all the people i ve dated in the past there is no resemblance between any of them.

Followyourart Sun 14-Aug-16 16:58:02

I also don't have a type. I think that's why I struggle with the concept of "type". I mean, I honestly don't - and if I did have one it definitely wouldn't be the sort of - fake - look, I.e tattoos and fake bright dyed red hair... And I get this niggle in my mind, like we're incompatible - because it's quite a major value of mine. I'm bi and, I know that doesn't mean anything - but in both men and women I don't have a type. It's personality for me.

RomeoIsBleeding Sun 14-Aug-16 18:57:25

Well you probably have a personality type preference then...

I do have a physical type, but when I look back at photos of my exes, I can see that very few of them fit it. In fact, they all look very different. The only thing all of them have in common is a mischievous glint in their eye. I think I look for that more than anything.

I'm a 5'3, curvy (size 12/14), red head. I don't seem to ever be anybody's type!!

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