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Right decision, but heart-broken. Looking for words of wisdom.

(6 Posts)
RingOfFire79 Sun 14-Aug-16 13:48:42

Please tell me it gets better? Tales of people who have also lost the people they loved more than anyone else but things got better and they loved again would be great.

Broke it off with my boyfriend of 3 years. We are both in our late 30s - I loved him and saw a future with him but something happened and, in order to preserve my self-respect and not compromise myself, I had to break it off with him.

Every day since has been hell. I have got drunk with friends, I have chucked all his stuff in a bag so that I have no reminders of him (we lived together), I have had hugs from people I love and who love me.

I have had relationships before but I didn't love so deeply. We'd both been around the block a few times and I thought he was the one. It's not that I'm scared of being single forever - a few men have already asked me out - but I cannot see myself loving someone as much again.

There has been no contact - instigated by me. And it was the right decision for me. Please, please MN-ers, tell me it gets better. That you have loved again, just as deeply. That I haven't just lost the only one for me [for years, I have pooh-poohed the idea that there is "the one". But this feels different].

TheLegendOfBeans Sun 14-Aug-16 13:56:36

This thread is bursting with good news stories (including my own).

I also believe that when you love someone so much but it breaks down that you can still love that person in a way but the love you want to receive and need to give is still out there. It just didn't happen with that one person.

I hope that makes sense. I have total confidence that as long as you be the best version of yourself (once the necessary grief period of tears/booze/hangovers/etc is over - and it's necessary to do this) you'll get what you want. X

TheLegendOfBeans Sun 14-Aug-16 13:56:43

RingOfFire79 Sun 14-Aug-16 14:09:08

Thanks so much, TheLegendOfBeans - have been reading through and it has helped.

Dammit. I know you don't need a man to be fulfilled (have been single before and enjoyed it) but I cannot imagine my life without him.

Trying to be strong. It was the right choice for me, it really was, but this is bloody difficult!

Queenbean Sun 14-Aug-16 14:59:47

Op I'm in a similar position, ready to commit to dp but he doesn't ever want to get married or children (maybe he will do in the future, I don't know). We are seperately for this reason - I can't compromise on my future and he can't either.

I know this will be a shit and horrible situation but the main thing is that the pain won't last forever. Every day we will both feel a bit better until one day, there are no tears.

Everything happens for a reason and you will be happy going forward, it just takes time flowers

jeaux90 Sun 14-Aug-16 18:16:18

You are mourning over what you thought was a great relationship. But it wasn't, or you wouldn't have taken the strong decision to split. I know it hurts now, it really does pass, give it time, be nice to yourself though xxx

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