Desperate for some MN grounding! Sorry this is long. Me and DP have been together for a year and a half, not living together, each have two DS each. He is super close to his exp (who has remarried) and his parents adore her. We're both in our 40's.
Tomorrow is a 70th birthday party for the ILs (if you can call them that because we're not married). I've never met the exp, she is very 'territorial' on social media with my DP and I just feel very uncomfortable about the idea of meeting her. I have MH issues, depression and anxiety which have recently been triggered by issues with my eldest DS. I'm back on ADs. I struggle to even leave the house for work, let alone social things.
So, I asked DP if his exp was going to the party tomorrow earlier in the week. He said he didn't know. I asked if he could please find out so I can get my anxiety levels under control as it's better to know either way. He said to just assume she was going. I said I'd rather know for sure.
DPs phone has been going mad all evening and he was hiding it from me. He went to the loo and I'm ashamed to say I read his messages and there was a few from this woman I'd never heard of before. When he came back down his phone didn't alert anymore so I sent him three messages from my phone - boo, is your phone on, why is your phone on silent? He was sat next to me - he'd turned his phone on silent.
Anyway, eventually he read my messages, said his phone was just turned down low (not!!) and then turned it round on me and said it was is exp about the party tomorrow and she's going and he didn't know how to tell me. I said he was lying and asked him who the other woman was.
He's now left and gone home. I asked him to stay so we can talk it through, he blamed me for everything, I said he lied to me by not answering me truthfully. He was so angry with me and he never has been before. But I did catch him out and I think it was self defense to be angry. I don't know who this other woman is, I've no reason to suspect him for anything, he's an amazing guy. I've always been insecure about the relationship he has with his exp especially as my DCs DF fucked off 14 years ago and we've heard nothing from him since.
So here I am, I have no idea who this other woman is, he's blaming me when he's clearly at fault so has run away and I'm in bits.
Not sure what I'm expecting you to say, just that I'm so upset. I'm not even sure what I'm most upset about, the OW texts or him hiding that the exp is going tomorrow. We've never had a situation like this before, I have abandonment issues identified in therapy and suicidal tendencies. Just trying to vent on here instead of doing something stupid as a reaction.
Just want to say you're an amazing group of people and I get so much strength from you all xx
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Relationships
Have I over reacted??
fairydustandpixies · 13/08/2016 21:17
You can do better than this, OP. You're on ADs partly because of this guy. You don't know whether you're coming or going. His family wishes he was with someone else. They don't welcome you. His ex is a nightmare. He's carrying on with another woman.
I think if you dump him you will find your need for ADs reduces and your tension will disappear.
to you - sorry you're involved with such a twat.
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You have not over reacted, not at all.
I agree with Imperial I reckon your anxiety levels will reduce massively once you have kicked this lying tossbag to the kerb.
Just concentrate on yourself, on feeling well, on being the best mum you can be. That is plenty for now.
Go OP, Go with your two dcs and have a wonderful time. As pp said, this was a dress rehearsal. Don't feel bad that your boys haven't had a 'role model' relationship to follow. You have given them an incredible life lesson on how to have self respect. THAT is the best lesson of all. Be really proud of yourself .
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You're totally doing the right thing OP. If someone is capable of that after only 18 months, it says all you need to know
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So sorry OP but it sounds like you have had a very lucky escape. I also second that you have been a fantastic role model to your children. See GP about meds, then look forward to that lovely sunshine on hols with your fantastic children.
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