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Male friend seems to be flirting, am I being a prude?

(38 Posts)
CannotEvenDeal Sat 13-Aug-16 19:08:31

I'm happily married with dh. Together for 10 years and married for 8. We have dss with us ft and I adore him like my own. Am currently on holiday with dss just the two of us and we are having a fab time but I miss dh like crazy. He is The One lol.

I have a male friend who I met through my old job. He is married with two daughters. We have a similar sense of humour and get on well. The kids play together a few times a year.

He saw my Facebook profile picture of me dss and sent me a DM a bit out of the blue to say how amazing I looked and he really liked my outfit. I was a bit surprised and thanked him before changing the subject to the Spanish heatwave we are experiencing. He went back to the subject of my looks and how great the photo is. I think he might have said I looked fit or hot but I can't bring myself to reread it tbh. It's a summer top but not that revealing and my assets are not great lol.

I'm disappointed about him messaging me like this because I feel uncomfortable and would not like my dh to message another woman like that. Dh and I are very open with our phones etc and I know that if he saw that on there he would not be pleased and I wouldn't blame him.

I feel like I want to block my friend and forget about him because he is no way anyway near as important to me as my marriage. But then I worry that deleting the chat somehow looks like I have something to hide. I could easily never run into him again so blocking is a definite option.

Or Am I being a prude?

(I most definitely do not want to reply something about his wife because I'm worried he could think I'm leading him on, as in like Stop it, Oh actually don't.)

ButIbeingpoor Sat 13-Aug-16 19:51:12

Block him and tell your DH.

Bomb Sat 13-Aug-16 19:53:47

I couldn't be bothered with that type of crap. I'd block him.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sat 13-Aug-16 19:54:38

Mention it to DH? If you do anything secretly, you risk it looking suspicious.

Tell him X friend messaged you, and said you looked nice. Then block him, if it makes you happier. Nothing to worry about smile

Chinks123 Sat 13-Aug-16 19:59:28

I wouldn't necessarily rush to block him unless he's creeping you out or he's been very suggestive, you could just not reply. When you see DP just mention it to him that's all you need to do, he'll be able to see you weren't flirting.

You're not a prude I would see it as a come on if he'd said you looked fit/hot but don't panic about it. smile

HandyWoman Sat 13-Aug-16 20:00:10

Just tell your dh. That's the most important thing.

HandyWoman Sat 13-Aug-16 20:01:13

I would say tell your dh + radio silence with the messaging from you. Obviously if it escalates then block.

Pearlman Sat 13-Aug-16 20:05:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CannotEvenDeal Sat 13-Aug-16 20:09:37

Thanks all! Yes, I am a bit panicky lol. I guess I'm old-fashioned.

I get that some people are seeing let it go this once but what gets to me is that he repeated himself so many times in one go.

He also made reference to not 'digging' women who are too skinny but his wife is extremely petite. I'm kind of medium I guess.


CannotEvenDeal Sat 13-Aug-16 20:10:22

And yes I'll definitely tell dh

ImperialBlether Sat 13-Aug-16 20:12:07

Send a message to your husband, telling him to look at your FB - say, "What does that look like to you?"

CannotEvenDeal Sat 13-Aug-16 20:18:18

That's the thing I'm not sure whether I message him or wait till I see him on Tuesday. I'd rather speak to him in person in a couple of days I think.

Block him. Tell DH.

I hate that too many of us feel we have to doubt our own guts on so many things. Make a promise to yourself that you'll trust yours, and act on it. If a guy gets smarmy, call him on it.

stareatthetvscreen Sat 13-Aug-16 20:24:05

yh i wd call him on it
its not acceptable in my book

Kr1stina Sat 13-Aug-16 20:35:00

Trust you instinct . He's obviously creeping you out or you wouldn't have posted here.

TheNaze73 Sat 13-Aug-16 20:38:04

Sounds like he's fishing. I'd block & tell your DH

pocketsaviour Sat 13-Aug-16 21:19:01

First of all, reply to his message with this face hmm

Then, tell your DH.

CannotEvenDeal Sun 14-Aug-16 01:00:30

Thanks all! Hotel wifi dropped until now so couldn't send dh a whatsapp and tbh didn't want to pay for a lengthy call or text on account of my 'friend' being an idiot. Kind of a blessing in disguise as I remembered that dh was having a night out catching up with old uni mates so I wouldn't have wanted to spoil that or give him cause to drink too much through being annoyed lol.

Yes, I was/am feeling creeped out and I agree with the fishing remark. I am not going to contact this man following the end of the messenger chat and will not upload any photos for the time being. (Dh and I aren't keen on having too many photos online anyway due to other issues) If he wants to set up a play date then I will make a million per cent sure that dh is there.

If I hear from him again in that way I will definitely block him and obviously not get the kids together. And I will tell dh everything when I see him in person on Tuesday night. He's really missing us and I know he's struggled a bit the last couple of days. Two weeks has felt like a lifetime but he had to work. If he would rather I just blocked him straight off then I will.

Thanks again all xx

If he wants to set up a play date then I will make a million per cent sure that dh is there.

I'd go further. DH brings DC to the play date, then stands around glaring and monosyllabing at "friend". If asked (if the jerk actually has that temerity!) then DH says something along the lines of "stop being such a shit to women".

CannotEvenDeal Sun 14-Aug-16 01:37:19

Yeah tbh I don't think I could be arsed with a play date full stop now.

I'm so annoyed and as I said in my OP I'm genuinely disappointed. We always had such a good laugh in a platonic way but several hours after the event I have now reread the chat and actually it's really pissed me off.

And it's true, we are meant to be friends but he would certainly never have raved about another bloke's t-shirt to such an extent hmm

I'm leaning now towards blocking him.

JackandDiane Sun 14-Aug-16 07:32:23

Think you're over reacting. Tell him to stop flirting and ignore it

CannotEvenDeal Sun 14-Aug-16 07:40:46

Well if I found out that my husband messaged another woman telling her repeatedly how great she looked in a photo and she kept replying in a Thanks, moving on way buy he kept going back to her looks, I'd be pretty pissed off and wonder what the hell he was playing at.

I'm open to being told I'm overreacting though, as I said I'm a bit old fashioned when it comes to this kind of stuff! Plus, being far away from dh hasn't helped.

You're not overreacting. He's now basically ruined the friendship you thought you had.

And YY to the "would he say this to a male friend? Feck no!" thing. That's pretty much the essence of it.

HandyWoman Sun 14-Aug-16 09:46:02

I do think you are overthinking it and don't understand why you are so wound up and annoyed. You don't need to police normal boundaries with this level of angst. Just ignore, adjust your thoughts around this guy, tell your dh and carry on with your life.

Hissy Sun 14-Aug-16 10:11:18

Just block him. He's shown you he's not a friend.

Not a friend of yours, nor of your relationship, nor of your family.

He's a vile low life sniffing about and making digs about his wife etc.

Block him now.

Tell your H about it when you're back, face to face.

And there won't be any more playmates. Not ever. Why would you? He's no friend and now you know he'll be leering at you.

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