Not brave enough to actually go out with anyone when they ask!

[Myusernameismyusername]

I never meet anyone in RL anymore, majority female working environment, my friends are all couples and I don't go 'out out' more than once or twice a year and they aren't the sort of 'man hunting' social situations anyway.

I have been single for years. I did used to date, ONS's and have all of the (drunken) confidence but a few guys really burned me over the past few years so I have dialled down my interaction with men to almost zero. It was good for me to recuperate and really take stock of all the terrible decisions I had made before, ignoring all the red flags. I feel like I know myself better now.

I've been on line dates in the past too, some good some bad. I still don't feel entirely comfortable with online dating because I am worried that I don't look like my pictures (they are just normal photos), have put on a lot of weight, don't seem to have anything in common with men online. They all post about gym, sports and travelling and I don't like any of those things.

I'm on one dating site now and I get some attention - but now I am 36 and fully clothed in my profile pics I rarely get approached or matched with men near my age, who live nearby or I find attractive (or can use basic spelling and grammar). I may message a few times out of politeness but I can see there is nothing there. When I do get asked out by someone they tend to be very pushy about it and I completely back off. Should I just go anyway for the hell of it?

I know I am being negative, so it's off putting. I can't decide if I am ready for this or what I even want so I go long periods not using the site and not thinking about it. But I keep dipping my toe in. I'm actually totally happy on my own, but equally I can't imagine never having sex again, or being close, kissing and hugging even, but then I know I can't enjoy having sex with someone I don't know and trust. I don't think I want to live with someone. Also I have never been married so I sometimes wonder what that might be like.

Do I need bloody counselling or something? Is this a female mid life crisis?