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Friend sh*gging married men

(55 Posts)
georgethecat Thu 11-Aug-16 19:46:48

A friend goes to weekend themed gatherings/festivals.

She has returned laughing about having ONS with a married guy a couple of weeks ago and then last week a different guy. In both cases their wives were at home looking after the kids.

I have a childhood listening to DM crying regarding DF repeated affairs so I am particularly sensitive about it.

The first week I said - didn't you think about his wife? She stated his marriage wasn't her responsibility.

Second week, second guy - I'm more fucked off. She justified it by saying that she asked him if he wanted to change his mind. He didn't but 'bless him' felt guilty the next day. She says I will feel differently about sex when I get older(!)

Yes these guys are twats, goes without saying but I'm raging at her for her attitude towards these women.

I was supposed to see her today & I just can't

MagicalRealist Thu 11-Aug-16 19:53:26

Ugh. You're unlikely to be able to change her mind about the ethics of what she's doing 😬 Maybe it's best to tell her you really don't want to hear about it as it bothers you a lot and you don't want to fall out with her?

MorrisZapp Thu 11-Aug-16 19:54:47

Personally I don't think it makes any odds who your friend shags. These guys are clearly serial cheats, and would be regardless of your friends moral fibre or lack thereof.

Lewwat Thu 11-Aug-16 19:57:19


georgethecat Thu 11-Aug-16 20:02:18

True story.
Skanks the lot of them.

FleursDuMal Thu 11-Aug-16 20:07:50

I would distance myself from her to be honest. I had a friend like this once and the selfish drama she created for herself was just too much. I prefer spend time with friends I actually like.

madgingermunchkin Thu 11-Aug-16 20:08:15

Morris there is this little thing of treating others how you would like to be treated.

Tbh, if I were you OP, I would feel the same and would probably scale back and gradually phase out the friendship.

Lookatyourwatchnow Thu 11-Aug-16 20:08:54

I couldn't be friends with somebody like this.

Paulat2112 Thu 11-Aug-16 20:11:15

I couldn't be friends with someone like that either Look

georgethecat Thu 11-Aug-16 20:18:41

Yea I'm backing off. Hard because she's been in my life 10 yrs.
It just gets me on a few levels.
I just wouldn't treat another woman like this! Whether I knew her or not.

Chinks123 Thu 11-Aug-16 20:23:49

I have the same problem with my friend op, and it really changed my opinion of her. Yes the man would cheat regardless but it was the fact she clearly didn't care about the poor wife and saw it as "not her problem." It was also the fact that she laughed and seemed to find it amusing. What really made me think she was a bitch was when she said "well it's not my fault she can't keep him entertained"... I then challenged her and said so if DP cheated on me it would be MY fault? She just went red and mumbled 'no that's different.'

I put it down to the fact she has never had a serious relationship, if she had she may be able to imagine the heartbreak the woman would feel if she knew. I still don't understand her lack of morals though hmm some people are just plain twats. Sorry for the rant!! grin

georgethecat Thu 11-Aug-16 20:28:29

Your rant is helpful!!!
I feel the same.
I sometimes despair at how people treat others.
But sometimes I wonder if I'm an old fashioned prudish nun.

Blueemeraldagain Thu 11-Aug-16 20:30:51

I've never understood the forgiveness on MN for people who get involved with those they know are married/in relationships. Both are wrong in my view.

Buggers Thu 11-Aug-16 20:32:29

Ugh yeah that's awful, maybe when she settles down one day and she's the wife at home with the baby whilst she's unable to get hold of her dh she'll understand. I'd get rid of her tbh, you don't need someone like that in your life.

georgethecat Thu 11-Aug-16 20:34:10

Well that's the thing, she's in her 50s and has been the wife at home with babies!!!

Scarydinosaurs Thu 11-Aug-16 20:39:02

It took me about a year but I cut off a friend who did things like this. I lost all respect for her.

annandale Thu 11-Aug-16 20:40:12

I had this to a smaller extent. Dear friend of 15 years, fantastic thoughtful woman. Fucked over by a long-term boyfriend and sad for years about it. Suddenly started an affair with a married work colleague who lived with his wife and two very young children. Informed me that it wasn't about the sex, they just liked to relax, chat, do the crossword. What did he tell his wife? Oh, she thought he was at the gym.

At the time I had a two year old and could well imagine how bloody nice his wife was being to send her husband off to the gym for some time to himself, and he was using this to fuck my friend and then lounge about in peace doing the FUCKING CROSSWORD.

Anyway, I couldn't spend time there. Good news was, she rapidly came to her senses and ended it. Give your friend time, everyone makes mistakes.

timelytess Thu 11-Aug-16 20:42:09

She's obviously decided to have fun while she still can. Laughing about the wives is a bit off. I'm in my fifties. I don't go with married men, but if I did, their marriages would be their responsibility, not mine.
Looking at sixty as the next big birthday makes you rethink some of the attitudes you had when younger.

MarbleFox Thu 11-Aug-16 20:42:26

I've always thought the excuse, "Well, their relationship isn't my responsibility" or any variations on that are massive cop outs, and the people who use them are cowards. It may be the mans responsibility to remain faithful to his partner but that doesn't make it ok to jump into bed with them. You're still doing a terrible thing and placating a guilty conscious with nonsense.

georgethecat Thu 11-Aug-16 20:49:10

Yea I don't buy the 'their marriage, not my responsibility' line either.

There are plenty of single people out there, why be part of enabling someone to deceive someone at this level, especially when the wife is at home bringing the children up, doubting herself, her body, her attractiveness. It's shitty

georgethecat Thu 11-Aug-16 20:50:02

Sorry I'm projecting and assuming massively above

FleursDuMal Thu 11-Aug-16 20:52:00

Yes it's the married person's responsibility, but doing something shitty like this with full knowledge and gloating over it is still shitty no matter what age you are.

Cary2012 Thu 11-Aug-16 20:54:14

Perhaps she was badly let down and become really hard and cynical, a sort of 'if you can't beat them, join them' approach? Still wrong on loads of levels though. No excuse just trying to understand how a middle aged woman can be like that. Hope she doesn't have daughters...

Blueemeraldagain Thu 11-Aug-16 20:57:30

Enabling or, in some cases, encouraging an immoral (or illegal) is not ok. I'm not defending the menz. I don't care what gender either party is. Yes, the partner is a arsehole but to want to pursue a "taken" person is a special kind of fucked up.

Essentially: it takes two to tango.

I would distance myself OP.

Pearlman Thu 11-Aug-16 20:58:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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