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relationship has broken down.

(14 Posts)
dom2212 Thu 11-Aug-16 11:10:42

My partner and I have been together for 5ish years. Its been a ride to be honest with you. We have been though so many hard times but also good times aswell. We have two children together which are 3 and 1.
The past 6 months has been really hard. I work 50 hours a week. But have the weekends off for family time. But i find myself doing a shed load of house work. IRONING, CLEANING. I FEEL LIKE I NEVER STOP MOVING. I know this is a two way system but she is so lazy no washing gets done. When i gwt in from work, she just sits down and does not even acknowledge me. It really hurts. I know she cares for the kids while lm at work and she is an amazing mother and kids are so happy but its not enough i feel everything i do is not enough. I bought her a designer coat. I buy her flowers. I complament her. I tell her she is beautiful. If she wants to do something i always support her 100%. A few months ago out of the blue we wear in the bedroom and she was in the mood and suggested we watch a naughty movie... (not like her) but anyway fast forward a bit we came across a lesbian movie and she was hinting towards watching it and Oh my god iv never seen her so horny and excited, it was like she was this different person. Since then we have only had sex once. I dont know what to think or say anymore. I know its not all about sex but having that bond is so important in my opion.

LewisAndClark Thu 11-Aug-16 11:19:00

Looking after two small children full time on her own is emotionally and physically draining.

Does she get any time to herself? Dh works long hours and still does a fucktonne of housework at the weekends because I am frazzled after a long week at home with the kids. When he gets in from work the first thing he does is make me a coffee and take ds2 and the dog out for a walk because I've been busy entertains them all day.

We make Friday nights date night, every week. The kids go upstairs and watch movies and we have a drink and watch comedy shows before doing a bit of karaoke blush and then having lots of lovely sex. It's our time together and it's precious.

We also have lots of time on our own just to be. Dh goes out twice a week, sometimes three times for his hobbies and I use those evenings to unwind.

Would any of that work for you?

The lesbian thing is a red herring, most women ime prefer lesbian porn to straight porn. I wouldn't worry too much about that.

dom2212 Thu 11-Aug-16 11:30:56

Hi Lewisandclark. Thank you for your reply. As soon as i get in i offer to watch the kids and she can go have a nice relaxing bath but she has an deffensive sheild up constantly which makes it hard for us to have a good conversation.

When i look after the kids for a morning or even the day by myself i get so much done. I just get on with, she is just full of excuses constantly. Im tired of putting in 90% and she puts in 10% (and thatz on a good day)

A feel a realtionship shouldnt be a constant battle. How many more times do.i need to fight... last night she said ahe no longer loves me and it has really hit the nail on the head.

LewisAndClark Thu 11-Aug-16 12:03:10

Do you point out to her that you can get loads done while looking after the kids? Because that would get my back right up. No wonder she's defensive!

I am a shitty housekeeper. It's just not who I am. I do what needs to be done to keep the place ticking over. I don't iron (fuck that shit) and Dh often comes home to chaos. Fortunately I chose a husband with similar slack standards to my own and he either cracks on and does it if it needs doing or ignores it.

dom2212 Thu 11-Aug-16 12:08:11

You dont iron... oh dear

VioletRoller Thu 11-Aug-16 12:10:05

She looks after the kids to enable you to work without paying for child care and she does 10%?

Sahm IS a thankless job it seems afterall. Why don't you try it.

dom2212 Thu 11-Aug-16 12:18:34

When i meant 10%. I meant house work.

LewisAndClark Thu 11-Aug-16 12:20:14

Can you get a cleaner?

I can't think of anything more soul destroying than looking after two under three all day and then getting moaned at about the state of the house.

pocketsaviour Thu 11-Aug-16 12:54:18

Nobody should be ironing unless they get paid for it. It's pointless, thankless drudgery.

I'm not sure where the lesbian porn has anything to do with you feeling hard done by about the housework. hmm

Pearlman Thu 11-Aug-16 17:40:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kenduskeag Thu 11-Aug-16 17:46:35

I've not touched an iron since I was about 14, ironing is from the dark ages. The only thing that needs ironing is men's work shirts. You iron them.

Get a cleaner.

Did you come here to talk about housework or porn?

Missgraeme Thu 11-Aug-16 17:52:10

Get a cleaner. Then u will both have the energy for rampant sex more often!!

Pearlman Thu 11-Aug-16 17:56:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood Thu 11-Aug-16 18:06:52

I don't iron unless absolutely essential. Anything DH needs ironing is done by him. Having the kids every so often does not in any way compare to the relentlessness of being a SAHM (not saying it is a horrible job, but it's a tough one with very young kids). Constant whinging about the state of the house / her not getting things done is a sure-fire way to reduce the amount of sex you get.

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